To Stand up and Speak: The Spiritual Abuse Survivor Blog Network

My sister was the one who introduced me to No Longer Quivering. She didn’t actually mean to, she told me she was reading a website called Quivering Daughters, and when I googled it I found No Longer Quivering instead. I wanted to make sure that this was a good thing for a Christian to read, and so I looked around for what the conservative Christian community was saying about the website, and read that the founder of the site was a raving atheist and a lesbian. Of course neither claim was true, I believe at that point Vyckie Garrison was only questioning her faith, and even though she now considers herself an atheist, I have never experienced to her to be someone who attacks people of faith. I … [Read more...]

Babies, Duggars and Me

The command to be fruitful and multiply was mentioned frequently in our marriage ceremony and reception. But it didn’t really need to be, we both knew what we believed. One of the questions we had discussed during our courtship was our commitment to never use birth control.Read any Quiverfull publication, and you will see a heavy emphasis on how children are “blessings”. The Above Rubies magazine is filled with stories of giving up birth control and the subsequent blessing showered on families who choose to leave their fertility to God. The magazine has even run several stories where “the mother’s life was saved” against all odds by yet one more risky pregnancy. This mentality is against … [Read more...]

Courtship is not the Answer: My Courtship Story: Part 8

Pascal_Dagnan-Bouveret_-_Blessing_of_the_Young_Couple_Before_Marriage

This post is the conclusion of a series. To start at the beginning, click here. You will see many links throughout this post. I encourage you to check them out since they are very informative on the definition of Courtship as well as some of the outcomes of this mindset.Looking back, I like many things about our story. I love that we were very honest about our needs and desires as we understood them at the time. I can imagine it would be more difficult to fall in love with someone and then find out afterwards they don’t want children and you do. I can see the benefits of being straightforward and asking the tough questions right away.On the other hand, there were things that we could … [Read more...]

“I DO” : My Courtship Story: Part 7

This post is part of a series. To start at the beginning click here. We spent most of our time together at our family homes, so we also spent a lot of our time together trying to evade family. Since we were engaged we were allowed to go on short excursions alone to public places. So we ran errands for the wedding, like picking up my wedding dress after the alterations were finished, or running to the mall to pick out "Hunk"’s wedding band. When we were around my house, we went for lots of walks together, and I even took him up to my secret spot on the garage roof where we could be alone. At the end of June (about 3 weeks out from the wedding) I went on another trip with "Hunk" and his f … [Read more...]

The Countdown: My Courtship Story: Part 6

This post is part of a series, to start at the beginning click here.  Hunk and I and our parents set the wedding date that same night. He was going to graduate school (3 hours away) that August, and we both knew that we did not want to risk our parents nixing a wedding before next summer. A wedding over Christmas or spring break sounded complicated, and we both knew that he would be distracted from his schoolwork driving down to see me. Secretly I felt that I would go insane if I had to go days and days without seeing him. After a few calls to family members who lived some distance away, we settled on a date in July, eight short weeks away.I now had a ring on my finger, and people who kn … [Read more...]

Will you Marry Me?: My Courtship Story: Part 5

This post is part of a series. To start at the beginning, click here.Photo CreditTwo days later, I was allowed to drive over to “Hunk’s” house for the first time (with a sister along) and when I go there we went for a walk around the block alone (his family was a bit more liberal than mine). I had explained to my Dad that it felt very awkward to not be able to touch at all, and he had approved of us holding hands and promised to give “Hunk” a call to give him permission to do so.So we held hands as we walked, and I told “Hunk” about a dream I’d had where he had told me “well, this has been nice, but you’re not the one for me.” He replied with a shocked look “How coul … [Read more...]


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