7 Things I’m Not Doing This Summer

7 Things I’m Not Doing This Summer June 23, 2017

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Kelly’s Takes today are a brilliant roadmap to a trouble free summer and I applaud and greet her for saving me the work, especially when I wasn’t going to do it anyway. It’s true, what with the solstice and all, that summer is finally here. And summer, of course, is when you get your act together and do all the things you avoided doing during the school year. But it’s also the time to lie back and catch up on all the rest you thought you needed, which means not doing Everything. So here are seven things we’ll not be doing this summer.

One

Not getting air conditioning.
I need to get this out there right away. I’ve never been happier than I am now…so happy. It’s so nice and humid and comfortable. And because the temperature has only been gradually rising, the moaning and sobbing of the children has virtually stopped. In some profound way they seem to have accepted reality and forgotten about being sweaty and hot.

It is so pleasant to feel the actual breeze blow through this perfectly constructed house, a house built by people who expected the temperature to go up and down and so placed the windows and doors in such a way that they speak to one another. The breeze blows. The sunlight flickers. It’s miraculous. And best of all, when you go from the outside to the inside you are not assaulted by a wall of frigid air that sends your whole body into hideous shock.

Two

Not going away for a whole a month.
It’s not that we’re not going to go away. We are. But not too far. And not for a whole block of time. I’m too stressed about leaving the garden unwatered and unweeded for a whole month. And besides, I’m pretty sure I’m going to need lots of extra time in the service of Kon Mari. I’ve only held like two of the things in my hand to ask them if they bring me joy but then two different children interrupted me and the life force of the objects was not able to communicate with me in any way so I just put them both back. I mean, I understand that this should be a ‘special event,’ something that you do only once, but I’m kind of having a hard time believing that this special time will clock in a fortnight less than year. And by that time I’ll be wondering if maybe I’m not wasting my time.

Three

Not complaining anymore about anything.
No child is going to complain about anything, ever again. I made an announcement and it went down really well. ‘I want you all to stop complaining,’ I said, calmly and rationally. So that should be it. I look forward to a completely complaint free summer. It’s going to be awesome.

Four

Not ‘catching up on school.’
Every summer I think to myself, ‘we’ll just finish one or two books up, or get a head start.’ But, you know what, not this year. Not going to delude myself. I’ve packed all the books away and I’m just not going to worry about it. We’ll pick up where we left off sometime in late August. It’ll be fine.

Five

Not cleaning all the time.
When I told the children not to complain anymore ever again I also told them to be sure and pick up after themselves so that we could live decently and in order, not beating our way past piles of candy wrappers and sadness. I’m excited about having a picked up house all summer. It’s so great how you can just say something like that, just tell a child what to do, and they just do it. I love that. It’s going to be so great.

Six

Not wasting all our time online.
Not that we do this anyway. Except for me. I mean, I spend too much time on Facebook and not enough time reading actual books. So, by the sheer power of my awesome will, with the same cheerfulness of spirit that is definitely keeping all the children from ever complaining about anything ever again, I’m just going to Read Moar Books. It’s going to be great. I made a big stack of the books I plan to easily read all summer. In between holding objects in my hand and letting their essence speak to me, without interruption from any grubby child, you’ll find me lying back in my chair, reading books and becoming clever and interesting. It’s going to be great. It’s going to be so so great.

Seven

And finally, this summer, I’m not going to turn down the chance to be queen of the world. Because there’s as much chance of that invitation arriving on my clean and uncluttered desk as there is of me getting through the summer complaint free, with a kon mari’d house, having read all the books, and Matt not having ruined everything by buying a bunch of life destroying air conditioners. It’s going to be so great.


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