Mr. Zuckerberg Saves the World

Mr. Zuckerberg Saves the World June 28, 2017

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My wifi connection, never very agreeable at its best, is dancing around and ruining my life this morning. It took me ten minutes to open an article bearing a most provocative title. Mark Zuckerberg: Facebook can play a role that churches and Little League once filled. Well, doesn’t that sound just great.

He appears to have noticed a tragic problem.

“It’s so striking that for decades, membership in all kinds of groups has declined as much as one-quarter,” he said during a rally for Facebook users who’ve built large community-support groups on the site. “That’s a lot of of people who now need to find a sense of purpose and support somewhere else.”

Every Sunday morning, at about 7:40, we rush breathlessly out of our big old house on our quiet, treelined street, and fling ourselves into our car in order to drive with all possible speed (all the time arguing about the relative merits of breaking the law in order to arrive somewhere on time–which is more important, getting to your job, or obeying the law?) to church for the 8 o’clock.

It’s especially fun for have to stop at every. single. red. light. on the way, sitting with gritted teeth in an empty and placid intersection waiting for a light to change. The favorite bitter joke is, ‘Gosh, I’m so glad I’m sitting here whilst the rest of Binghamton leaps out of bed and rushes to church, this light is such a help for ordering the gargantuan pile up of traffic.’ A solitary bird might swoop silently across the intersection, a quiet leaf will flutter gently to the ground, a squirrel will saunter jauntily across the road, and there we will sit, alone, just trying to go to church.

Membership in all kinds of groups has declined. Sure. I mean, why get up and join a group when you can lie back with your phone, commenting on other people’s tweets and posts? Plus, when you open up the bright, salvific Facebook app first thing, you’re greeted with a reminder about what kind of holiday it might be, told Good Morning, and reminded that Facebook ‘cares about your memories.’ Then you get to see a picture, probably chosen by a Facebook employee personally…no? Really? It’s an algorithm? Oh, well, that’s good, because it’s kind of a toss up whether the memory I’m invited to relish is a delightful one, or something painful. But anyway, thanks Facebook, thanks for always keeping the past alive. Where was I?

Mr. Zuckerberg then had this remarkable assertion fall from his multimillion dollar tongue.

He added, “People who go to church are more likely to volunteer and give to charity — not just because they’re religious, but because they’re part of a community.”

‘Not just because they’re religious.’ Wow. Ok. I wonder how he knows that? Is there some kind of research to that effect? Can we get a source? But, you know, what’s so great about Facebook is that you Still Do Not Have To Get Out Of Your Chair in order to give to all the various gofundme efforts that populate the average Facebook user’s feed. Each one their own charity, really. A few dollars here, a few dollars there. No one has to collaborate about a budget or agree on the responsible use of many different people’s money. And really, in the age of the federal government, I’m ever more on the side of individuals individually asking for what they need.

By the time we arrive at church, flying by the cozy quiet homes of people enjoying their social media and their private Facebook groups, we have forgotten our bitterness and are just happy to rush in and greet the minuscule handful of people who gather at 8 o’clock. Where two or three are gathered…hardy har har. So twenty must be like an angel choir. But that’s just because it’s so early. Later in the morning the ranks swell and the whole place is a bustle.

It’d be nice if Mr. Zuckerberg would roust himself and come to our church some time. I bet he’s just ‘spiritual’ though, not ‘religious.’ He might find that we are Literally Nothing like a little league enterprise. Sure, people gather around a common activity, but one is little kids running and hitting a ball, and the other is the worship of the God of the Universe. For such a smart young man with so much money, he sure seems to have a very muddy, one might say Vaguebooked understanding of the different reasons that people get together.

Human community is important. Now more than ever. Little League, the Junior League, the Elk’s Club–all these are pillars of a robust, healthy society. But the church is not just another one of them. And it can’t be replaced by another online community fashioned and shaped by an AI algorithm. And the fact that movers and shakers in the upper echelons of western society don’t see the difference is a good reason to pause, pray, and figure out some ways to go out there to all those quiet houses and try to get to know those people, in person, for real.

And now if you’ll excuse me, my online community is beckoning. I have another cup of oolong to drink while I go push like everywhere I possibly can.


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