Tasty Tears: Marriage Equality Makes Conservative Christians Cry

Conservative Christians are crying sweet, salty tears of unfathomable sadness, and they are delicious.

Yesterday, after the historic Supreme Court ruling that the Constitution requires that same-sex couples be allowed to marry, conservative Christians began a collective meltdown that promises to continue throughout the 2016 election cycle and beyond.

Perhaps the most over-the-top reaction came from American Family Radio’s Bryan Fischer who managed to compare the ruling to 9/11, slavery, the attack on Pearl Harbor, and Sodom and Gomorrah.

An outraged Fischer declared:

From a moral standpoint, 6/26 is the new 9/11. because it was on this day that five justices of the United States Supreme Court became moral jihadists. They became rainbow jihadists and they blasted the twin pillars of truth and righteousness into rubble. And they did this by imposing sodomy-based marriage on the United States through an act of judicial tyranny.

Fischer went on to announce that June 26, 2015 would be “a date which will live in infamy. On this day, the United States became Sodom and Gomorrah.”

Wow.

But Fisher was not the only conservative Christian who reacted with agony and sorrow at the prospect of gay marriage across the land. Indeed, there was a great deal of weeping and gnashing of teeth.

Many of the GOP presidential hopefuls expressed outrage over the court’s decision.

Writing on his blog, Mike Huckabee said:

I will not acquiesce to an imperial court any more than our Founders acquiesced to an imperial British monarch. We must resist and reject judicial tyranny, not retreat.

The Supreme Court can no more repeal the laws of nature and nature’s God on marriage than it can the law of gravity.

The following is an excerpt from a statement released by Bobby Jindal:

Marriage between a man and a woman was established by God, and no earthly court can alter that.

This decision will pave the way for an all out assault against the religious freedom rights of Christians who disagree with this decision.

Rick Santorum said:

Today, five unelected justices decided to redefine the foundational unit that binds together our society without public debate or input. Now is the people’s opportunity respond because the future of the institution of marriage is too important to not have a public debate. The Court is one of three co-equal branches of government and, just as they have in cases from Dred Scott to Plessy, the Court has an imperfect track record. The stakes are too high and the issue too important to simply cede the will of the people to five unaccountable justices.

Scott Walker said:

I believe this Supreme Court decision is a grave mistake. Five unelected judges have taken it upon themselves to redefine the institution of marriage, an institution that the author of this decision acknowledges “has been with us for millennia.”

As a result of this decision, the only alternative left for the American people is to support an amendment to the U.S. Constitution to reaffirm the ability of the states to continue to define marriage.

And this, from Tony Perkins, speaking for the anti-gay Family Research Council:

No court can overturn natural law.  Nature and Nature’s God, hailed by the signers of our Declaration of Independence as the very source of law, cannot be usurped by the edict of a court, even the United States Supreme Court.

With this ruling, the Supreme Court has set our government on a collision course with America’s cherished religious freedoms, explicitly guaranteed in the First Amendment of the Constitution.

When love wins, the bigots cry. And their tears are delicious.

(Image via Tumblr)
(Image via Tumblr)
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