Media Reports the Jesus Story

Buddy christ

 

What if our media had been around to cover the Jesus story? How would they have spun it? 

Here are a few ideas. 

 

Headline:

Jesus Favors Legalized Prostitution

The Actual Story:

The scribes and the Pharisees *brought a woman caught in adultery, and having set her in the center of the court, they *said to Him, “Teacher, this woman has been caught in adultery, in the very act. Now in the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women; what then do You say?” They were saying this, testing Him, so that they might have grounds for accusing Him. But Jesus stooped down and with His finger wrote on the ground. But when they persisted in asking Him, He straightened up, and said to them, “He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” Again He stooped down and wrote on the ground.When they heard it, they began to go out one by one, beginning with the older ones, and He was left alone, and the woman, where she was, in the center of the court. 10 Straightening up, Jesus said to her, “Woman, where are they? Did no one condemn you?” 11 She said, “No one, [a]Lord.” And Jesus said, “I do not condemn you, either. Go. From now onsin no more.”] John: 8

Headline:

Jesus Favors Divorce and Cohabitation

The actual Story:

16 He *said to her, “Go, call your husband and come here.” 17 The woman answered and said, “I have no husband.” Jesus *said to her, “You have correctly said, ‘I have no husband’; 18 for you have had five husbands, and the one whom you now have is not your husband; this you have said truly.” 19 The woman *said to Him, “[d]Sir, I perceive that You are a prophet. 20 Our fathers worshiped in this mountain, and you people say that in Jerusalem is the place where men ought to worship.” 21 Jesus *said to her, “Woman, believe Me, an hour is coming when neither in this mountain nor in Jerusalem will you worship the Father. 22 You worship what you do not know; we worship what we know, for salvation is from the Jews. 23 But an hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for such people the Father seeks to be His worshipers. 24 God is [e]spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth.” 25 The woman *said to Him, “I know that Messiah is coming (He who is called Christ); when that One comes, He will declare all things to us.” 26 Jesus *said to her, “I who speak to you am He.” John: 4

Headline:

Jesus Favors Alcoholism and Drug Dealing

The Actual Story:

On the third day there was a wedding in Cana of Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there; and both Jesus and Hisdisciples were invited to the wedding. When the wine ran out, the mother of Jesus *said to Him, “They have no wine.”And Jesus *said to her, “Woman, [a]what does that have to do with us? My hour has not yet come.” His mother *said to the servants, “Whatever He says to you, do it.” Now there were six stone waterpots set there for the Jewish custom of purification, containing [b]twenty or thirty gallons each. Jesus *said to them, “Fill the waterpots with water.” So they filled them up to the brim. And He *said to them, “Draw some out now and take it to the [c]headwaiter.” So they took itto him. When the headwaiter tasted the water which had become wine, and did not know where it came from (but the servants who had drawn the water knew), the headwaiter *called the bridegroom, 10 and *said to him, “Every man serves the good wine first, and when the people have [d]drunk freely, then he serves the poorer wine; but you have kept the good wine until now.”  John: 2

Headline:

Marxist Jesus Opposes Capitalism, Favors Liberation Theology

The actual story:

13 The Passover of the Jews was near, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem. 14 And He found in the temple those who were selling oxen and sheep and doves, and the money changers seated at their tables. 15 And He made a scourge of cords, and drove them all out of the temple, with the sheep and the oxen; and He poured out the coins of the money changers and overturned their tables; 16 and to those who were selling the doves He said, “Take these things away; stop making My Father’s house a [f]place of business.” John: 2

Headline:

Jesus Favors Banning Prayer at Public Events

The actual story:

“When you pray, you are not to be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and on the street corners [d]so that they may be seen by men. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full. But you, when you pray, go into your inner room, close your door and pray to your Father who is in secret, and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you.

Headline:

Jesus Says Money is Outside Morality

The actual story:

 19 Show Me the coin used for the poll-tax.” And they brought Him a [l]denarius. 20 And He *said to them, “Whose likeness and inscription is this?” 21 They *said to Him, “Caesar’s.” Then He *said to them, “Then render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s; and to God the things that are God’s.” Matthew: 22

 Headline:

Jesus Says You Can Do Whatever You Want to Make a Profit

The actual story:

 19 Show Me the coin used for the poll-tax.” And they brought Him a [l]denarius. 20 And He *said to them, “Whose likeness and inscription is this?” 21 They *said to Him, “Caesar’s.” Then He *said to them, “Then render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s; and to God the things that are God’s.” Matthew: 22

Headline:

Jesus Favors Higher Taxes

The actual story:

 19 Show Me the coin used for the poll-tax.” And they brought Him a [l]denarius. 20 And He *said to them, “Whose likeness and inscription is this?” 21 They *said to Him, “Caesar’s.” Then He *said to them, “Then render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s; and to God the things that are God’s.” Matthew 22


Spin

See also Elizabeth Scalia’s hilarious report on media angst that our pro-life Pope is behaving like the Pope and not playing along with their script. These people evidently believe their own spin. Gotta love it. 

  • EMS

    Exactly! But then, I don’t expect much from the Times (regardless of city or country). But what is really sad is when Catholics , especially it seems many Traditional Catholics, seem intent on ignoring or denying what Pope Francis really said. On Fr Z’s blog, he debunked the media spin and actually quoted what the Pope said. Yet, there are comments by so-called faithful Catholics who ignored what Fr Z and the Pope said and believe the garbage spewed by the media. Based on those comments, I think those people will never be happy about anything the Pope says or does. And I very much doubt they’d believe what Jesus said either.

  • oregon catholic

    Crazy but true…I actually heard an atheist quote that scripture about praying in secret as part of their argument against all public prayer.

    • hamiltonr

      We had an atheist come on this blog and try to make that same connection.


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