Peter Wiebe and his family lost their precious son and brother, Jesse, to cancer. Peter shares his journey of grief and faith in a WordPress blog he calls Threshold of Heaven.
I met Peter and his blog when I started Public Catholic a few months ago. He’s been a blessing to me and at the same time a challenge. The challenge lies is accepting the pain he shares while knowing that there is nothing I can say or do to ease his burden.
Peter Wiebe wrote a wonderful letter to Jesus Tuesday. I’d like to share it with all of you, particularly with those who have lost a child. They are one with Peter in this pain that passes understanding. It’s a private club no one wants to join. Only Christ on the cross can sanctify this loss, this sorrow.
Thank you Peter for sharing your walk with the rest of us.
I am going to reprint the entire letter, with Peter Wiebe’s permission. You can read it in the original, as well as learn about Jesse Wiebe’s life here.
It’s just over two years now since our lives turned upside down. It’s hard to believe we are facing our second Christmas without Jesse. I don’t believe that you caused Jesse’s cancer, but you certainly could have prevented it from happening or cured it after the fact.
I believe the Bible when it tells me that all authority has been given to you both in Heaven and on the Earth. I don’t think I could believe in you if you were either powerless to prevent/cure Jesse’s cancer or just indifferent to his suffering. You did, after all, weep at the tomb of your friend Lazarus even when you knew that you would raise him from the dead. I choose to believe that you care despite the fact that you did not act the way I had hoped.
I don’t understand why you didn’t answer our prayers for Jesse’s healing. Neither do I understand why on so many nights when we pleaded with you to ease Jesse’s suffering, his suffering actually got worse. It felt like you ignored our prayers. Anna and I really felt along with David when he said, “How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart?”
While I suppose I could have hardened my heart toward you and filled up with bitterness and resentment, I could not find it within myself to do so. Early on during Jesse’s cancer I looked around the children’s ward and saw so many others with cancer; it never seemed right to me to ask the question “Why us?” rather I was left with the impression “Why not us?” It was a profound realization for me.
While my faith in you has been stretched exceedingly, it has not broken. I echo the words of one of your disciples when You asked him if he wanted to go, “You have the words of eternal life, where else could I go?”
With Jesse’s death, my whole vision of the Godly family I would build collapsed. The business, that was a part of that vision, failed the year after Jesse’s death. We also lost our home church, where we once were esteemed and had ministered for nearly a decade. And yet, despite our trials, I still have hope in you. You are my Saviour, and I am glad. I cling to the promise in your Word that says, “Blessed are you who weep now, for you shall laugh.”
I have not only lost, but also gained since Jesse’s death. I have gained a deeper understanding of suffering in the lives of believers. I have also gained a better understanding of what it means to have an eternal perspective. When I remember the terrible heaving of Jesse’s chest as he struggled for every breath, I imagine what it was like for you as you struggled to breathe on the cross. Then I know you understand. I am grateful, too, that Jesse will never have to stand and weep at the grave of someone he loves. He has truly been spared much pain and suffering here on Earth.
Since Jesse is now in Heaven with You, I often wonder what he is up too. Down here, there are plenty of conflicting views about Heaven and our resurrection. I wish you would have clarified that better in your Word. But the glimpses that you do give us into Heaven and the afterlife give us great hope of a joy filled reunion with Jesse.
In closing, Lord Jesus, please continue to have mercy on us as we walk the path before us. Bless us to know you more and more as the day of our own death approaches. Help us to be a blessing and a comfort to those you would send across our path. Help us to train our remaining three boys in your grace for as long as they remain in our care.
Please bless Jesse for us and tell him how much we all love and miss him.
Even so, Lord Jesus, come.
Peter Wiebe 2012