Unconditional Love Is Not Enabling

Unconditional Love Is Not Enabling April 15, 2015

There is so much talk these days about the need to practice unconditional love, and for good reason. Our world is full of polarities that foster war, hunger, disease, loneliness, depression, and the list goes on. We live our lives with an unspoken agreement that we are separate from others, and from the natural environment. This misunderstanding breeds judgments within us and toward others. Without a doubt, the world is in need of our practicing unconditional love more than ever.

2015-04_Alaskan Sunset
(c) Carl Studna

But what exactly does it mean to love unconditionally? Have you ever thought you were loving someone purely, without conditions, later to discover that you were enabling that person in remaining stuck in an unsupportive pattern, practice or addiction? It’s easy to confuse enabling with loving unconditionally.

Often, we don’t wish to deal with conflict so we pretend that we’re going to lovingly allow that person to break their word with us, or continue to practice an unsupportive habit that hurts others.  Whenever we do this, we subtly endorse this person’s behavior and support them in continuing down a path partially blind, potentially causing harm to those in their wake.

This endorsement is not a loving act.

Sometimes, we need to speak up and assist others in shaking off the blinders that have been keeping them stuck, isolated, or in an illusionary state of separation. At times, true unconditional love involves boldly and compassionately speaking the truth to others, or recognizing the truth within our own thoughts and beliefs.

Most of us were not raised learning this skill, so it often involves trial and error. At times, we’ve tried to tell the truth and witnessed reactions of anger, hurt or avoidance.

Here’s the key…..our communication must be founded in love, free of judgment.

This is not always an easy task, yet a necessary ingredient. When we are purely communicating from love, we hold no energy of hierarchy, no feelings of superiority. We’re simply being a loving presence in holding a mirror to their thoughts, behaviors and actions. Sometimes the most loving acts require that we be unwaveringly honest.

Remember, you can never go wrong if you’re speaking purely from your heart, free of judgment and from the depths of love. This is a life-long practice, free from enabling and trusting that every individual that stands in front of you deserves to hear your truth in order to support their path of growth and expanded wisdom.

This is the path of loving unconditionally, not always light and airy, yet always rich, rewarding and expansive. Now is the time.

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