Focus on the Dysfunctional Family

I love my friend, Larry Shallenberger’s paragraph in this post, about the danger of “Christian Church Culture”.  He likens God’s transforming process to that of a mechanic restoring an old motorcycle, believing that the old rusted bike has its best years ahead of it.  We religious people, meanwhile, tend to handle each other like airport luggage handlers. This leads to the false belief that its better to lower our heads and fit in.

Lower our heads and fit in. Covertly demand that, as a precondition for fellowship, outsiders think the way you think (or at least pretend to think the way you pretend to think), about all things, as a precondition for finding your place at the table.  And of course, there’s behavior too, and at our worst, clothes – all covertly held up as preconditions for belonging  This, I think, is what Larry means by “lower your heads and fit in”.

The trouble with this, if I can switch analogies, is that this kind of Christianity feels more like an audition on American idol, or for a sports team, than an invitation to “come as you are”.  If you don’t have the moral cache, on the front end, to fit in, you’re stuffed.  As a result, many people learn to play the church game, creating a sort of Sunday “game face” that might be far, far from reality.  “Lower your head and fit in”.

I can’t begin to articulate how damaging this culture is.  It’s a petri dish for hypocrisy, and hence one of the major reasons the church is failing to reach young generations according to this research.  It mangles the gospel, making it less about good news, and more about fear, control, and conformity.  As I wrote in my first book, “every Sunday in America, people will walk out of a worship service never to return” for these exact reasons.  I don’t blame them for leaving, if all I’m part of is a performance modification program.

THE GOOD NEWS (the gospel) is wholly other than this.

After all, we serve the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.  That’s how God refers to Himself.  It’s God’s way of saying, “I’m for these three guys.  They’re in my family.  I identify with them.  I love them. I’ll stay with them every step of their transformative journey”  And…  just off the top of my head, here are some bits of their lives, AFTER they said yes to God:

1. one lies about the identity of his wife, handing her off as his sister to a king in order to save his own skin.

2. the same one sleeps with the maid because his wife, tired of waiting for God to miraculously get her old womb impregnated with his old seed, asks him to do so.

3. one exudes unabashed favoritism to one of his twin sons, going to great efforts to thwart God’s plan to choose and bless the other son.

4. one of the twins lies, cheats, and steals in an attempt to secure blessing and affirmation from his father.

5. one them, on the run, and in fear of his life, settles in a land where he marries four women and father’s 12 sons.

6. those twelve sons will, over the course of their days, display themselves to be jealous, petty, vengeful, thieves, murderers, liars, proud, hard-hearted, and violent, even towards their own family members.  They’ll sell one brother as a slave.  One of them will sleep with his daughter-in-law, thinking her to be a prostitute, and impregnate her.  Oh, and they’ll become known by this title: “The Patriarchs”.

Let’s put it this way.  None of them would be welcome in church, or invited to do marriage seminars, or speak for Focus on the Family, especially when I remind you that all these things occurred after they’d said yes to God.

Somehow, though, God still found room for them, stayed with them, loved them, and walked with them relentlessly, shepherding them towards a transformation that would better represent God’s heart.  I wish we, who are the church, would take a cue from God on this.

Oh, and that daughter-in-law with whom Judah (one of the twelve dysfunctional sons) slept?  Her name is Tamar, and she fathered Perez out of that union.  She nearly lost him, because when Judah’s servant tells him that (the Message translation)… “your daughter-in-law has been playing the whore – and now she’s a pregnant whore”, Judah get’s all self-righteous and calls for her execution.  When she reveals, though, who the father is, he changes his mind, and Perez is born.  He becomes the patriarch in the line of David, who establishes the kingly line through whom Christ comes.

And we think people need to clean up their act before coming to Christ? It should be enough that they want to know God and follow Him.  How about giving God a little room to work, on both others and ourselves?  How about ending the game of pretend and acknowledging that none of us, None. Of. Us… have arrived yet, that we all have issues under our issues, things to be transformed that we can’t even yet see.  That would make the church a little more humble, and a little more patient with flaws, and a lot more like Jesus.

I welcome your thoughts.

 

While you were protesting…

Luke 19:10 offers an interesting perspective on the word “occupy” because this is where Jesus tells the parable of the talents.  A master hands over some money to various servants and tells them to “occupy” (King James) until he returns.  Then, of course, some do that well, and bring the master a return on his investment, and others, not so much.

Occupy“: to fill or take up space.  The word can mean many things I suppose, and there’s a sense to which the occupy movement is giving us a literal fulfillment of that definition as it appears that nearly every city in the nation presently has an occupy movement, the practical effects of which are to fill some public (or private) space, with people protesting the state of things, especially in increasing disparity of wealth.  Things have gotten nasty recently, at least here in Seattle, and there are signs that the movement is running into a brick wall.

That might be a shame at one level, because there are so many fundamental flaws that remain in our country.  Last week’s cover story of Time magazine shared the realities that we live in an increasingly inequitable country.  Whereas in the 1970′s corporate executives earned about 40 times as much as the lowest paid worker, in the present that ratio has increased to 400 and is still climbing.  Money is flowing out of the middle and into the wealthy few, the 1% as the occupiers like to say.  In believing that this is a profound problem, I stand in solidarity with them.  In believing that sitting in a public park and holding a sign is the best use of theirs, or anyone’s time – well, I’m not so certain.

While the occupy movement has been unfolding over the past weeks, I’m thinking about people I’ve encountered in my pastoral work who are occupied in very different ways:

1. I did a film shoot yesterday for an upcoming sermon series entitled “Every Square Inch” about a Christian’s calling to be a blessing to our world by living into our vocation, and living right in the thick of our culture.  I visited a teacher who is part of our congregation and she’s filling her days, her life, with 6 year-old children.  She’s busy teaching them to be civil, curious, hard working, bold, relational.  She’s doing it with such grace and skill that I, watching from the back of the classroom was in awe – not only of her skill, but of the realization that what she’s doing is being replicated hundreds of thousands of times every day by people who are investing in the future by teaching children well.  She’s already occupied.

2. Several people in my congregation are battling illness.  Their battles with cancer have, of course, turned their world upside down, changing the price tags on everything.  Two of things whose value elevates in such times are one’s faith and one’s friends.  Thankfully, these folks are rich on both counts.  They have friends who are praying, bringing meals, sitting with them through treatments, and just sitting with them period.  They’re occupied.

3. An artist friend of mine will release her book on drawing this weekend.  It’s an important work that shows why we, as a culture, desperately need to learn how to stop and pay closer to attention to the real world because we’re so bombarded and overloaded with images that we’ve basically stopped paying attention.  This numbness, though, can be arrested, she says, if we’ll slow down and pay attention.  She’s throwing a party for her book, and I’m looking forward to celebrating.  She’s occupied.

I could go on – people applying for work, fighting fires, performing surgery, overcoming addictions by working on their stuff, sitting with sick children in the emergency room, stopping to converse with a homeless person, volunteering in shelters, making music, building houses, starting businesses.  Four scientists will be answering questions tomorrow night about science and faith because I’m doing a sermon series on that subject in my church.  This is time out of their already very full lives.  They’re all occupied too.

All I’m saying, and it’s so obvious as to nearly not need saying at all, is that nobody is “the other 99%”. Those 99ers are, millions of them  (in fact the majority of them), living very full lives – blessing the world through their vocations and living within their means, serving the poor and marginalized, and giving generously from their middle class incomes.   They’ve no time to carry a sign.

Others of the 99ers desperately need a meaningful life, but the government’s not going to fill the void in their soul, and until that’s fixed, nothing much else will matter.  The news flash, again so obvious that hardly bears repeating, is that this anger over inequity is a song that’s been replayed endlessly throughout history.  When the music dies down though, sometimes after bloodbaths and revolutions, what Jesus said is still true.

Do we need to fix our desperately broken political system?  Of course.  And we also need a way out of our present angst and mess that isn’t tied to simply more shopping as the panacea, a subject about which I’ll write next week.

But know this - it’s the stuff that isn’t on the news that give me hope. People living into their calling, working on the marriages, blessing their children and aging parents, being faithful friends when they’re needed.  And this, at least in my little corner of the world, is happening everywhere I look, every time I open my eyes.

People are occupying, even without raising a protest sign, because their hands, and lives, are already full.  May their tribe increase.

What dreams may come – living with fulfillment and delay

Yes, there was that little 32-year delay – but eventually it happened, or will happen very soon.  My wife was up until after 2AM last night writing a paper and preparing a presentation for her last day of class, which is today.  She’s been involved in a two-week intensive class, studying the holocaust.  Each night she’s been reading history and writing about it.  Sometimes we’ve had conversations about it, and at times her content has intersected my world as I’ve been bringing a teaching series on the Sermon on the Mount to completion.  These teachings of Jesus challenge the pretense of religion and the use of “god words” to justify injustice, attitudes which were present in the Germany of the ’30s and led to their eventually collapse under the weight of a mad man.  Barth’s Romans and Bonhoeffer’s Cost of Discipleship are both written to call people back to robust faith, a cry which is needed in our time as well.  But I digress….

The 32-year delay happened because this was the woman I wanted to marry, and so I asked her and she said yes, even though yes meant moving to a different state before graduating.  Then she invested her time in other things, like financing my grad school, giving birth to three amazing children, raising them, functioning as principal and head teacher as she home-schooled them.  When we moved to the city, she continued by working in Seattle as a means of funding their education all the way through the completion of their college careers, while being a pastor’s wife and the co-director (with me) of wilderness retreat center along the way.  By December, though, she’ll have completed her degree requirements, and will, next June, graduate right alongside our youngest daughter.  That’s a graduation I won’t want to miss.  Believe me: I’m not only proud of her, but humbled by her enormous investment in our life together.

If you’ve watched It’s a Wonderful Life or Mr. Holland’s Opus; if you’ve read your Bible and looked at the lives of Joseph, or Moses, or David, or Paul;  if you’re over 45 years old, you know this:  Some dreams are put on hold.  There are at least two reasons for this: [Read more...]

Smoke…and the aroma of grace

After leaving my wife at the bus station today in Concord, NH, the drive back to the camp where I’m speaking has me thinking about change.  My youngest daughter will soon be arriving home from a summer in Rwanda, changed utterly.  In a few short months both she and my wife will graduate from Seattle Pacific University, and this will mark the end of college careers (at the very least, for the time being) for our whole family.  Change.  The church I lead is moving into a new season in a few short weeks, one in which we’re casting vision that we pray will strengthen our focus on being a healthy community that represents Christ heart with clarity.  This too will call for change.

Meanwhile, all around us, our culture and world are changing: markets, marriages, housing prices, droughts, wars, the state of our own human bodies – nothing is static.  I ponder that soon the young adults who have served so faithfully these past 9 weeks for Home Improvement Ministries will be scattering.  Bonded for a season, they’ll go their own ways on Friday, as will I, each of us heading into a future that will undoubtedly offer unforeseen joys and sorrows. [Read more...]