Jesus swam on the land (mild NSFW)

January 20, 2013 by 6 Comments

Snow snorkel Jesus walked on the water and he swam on the land

Jesus walked on the water and swam on the land. He was way ahead of his time! Did you know that ‘Land Swimming’ is the latest exercise craze? “It’s not just for the rich. Even blue collar workers can swim to work.” I miss the Weekly World News.

Land Swimming Weekly World News

It’s definitely worth the read. Click to embiggen.

True story: when I first joined the Army, I used to be a bit of a smart ass. Shocking, huh? Anyway, the ‘old way’ we did morning exercises was often less formal. Sometimes our platoon would break off from the rest and we would each take turns suggesting the next exercise.

Acceptable suggestions: “The sit up”, “The wide-arm push-up”, “The side straddle hop” “The V-up”

My suggestions: “The back flip”, “The 10 mile sprint”, “The land swimmer”, “The Reggaeton dancer”

Eventually, they fought back with sarcasm. Unflinching response: “Demonstrator, POST!”

Filed Under: Atheist Tagged With: , , , 6 Comments
About Justin Griffith
  • Bob Dowling

    Now you’ve got me wanting to see you do a backflip.

    • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/rockbeyondbelief/ Justin Griffith

      I used to play along at first, walking them through it as a demonstrator.

      “Okay, for the Starting Position, you lift one leg in the air. Then you lift the other leg. That’s right the starting position is mid-jump… From there, it’s simple, just flip. I think we’ve all got the idea. GROUP ATTENTION. STARTING POSITION. MOVE… come on guys, wtf? We just talked about this. Starting position is levitation.”

      I wasn’t really the type of soldier who broke the rules. However, I was sometimes responsible for them making new rules ‘in my honor’.

  • F [nucular nyandrothol]

    It’s baaaaaaack. Damn, you keep finding new ways to come back to one of my favorite bits of musical amusement. Plus the Weekly World News. Win.

    • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/rockbeyondbelief/ Justin Griffith

      It’s baaaaaaack. Damn, you keep finding new ways to come back to one of my favorite bits of musical amusement.

      You don’t even know.

      • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/rockbeyondbelief/ Justin Griffith

        Jesus walked on the water and he swam on the land - animated gif

  • Crudely Wrott

    I’ve always favored, and been mooned for doing so, chin ups on an invisible bar. Man, it’ll hang ’em up!