I’ll take a baby on the rocks, shaken not stirred

So I get email. I'll spare you because it was simply lyrics to a god-botherer song. I replied "Poetry sucks. Get a guitar." That riled him up, so he expressed anger and then sent me another set of lyrics.This was my second reply:By the rivers of Babylon You really did babble onCrazy - yet not like a fox Your bible says to remember ZionI’ll Hide my kid from the rocks That you want to smash her head on.Seriously, read Psalm 137 all the way through.Sing it to the tune of the … [Read more...]

Bible study for babies

Unfortunately, this is not a photoshopped image. This is real.I heard about this in a passing reference from a friend on my Facepalm wall. So I told him to 'rescue' the discarded advert for baby bible study. It reached my email with the subject line "Damn you! You made me dig through trash".But I simply had to insist on recycling it here at FtB.Also funny: "super abundance" and "the last days of Jesus leading up to his death." … [Read more...]

Baby learning to speak in tongues

So this is how they get you. Perhaps babies are 'born atheist' (without a religion)... but they seem to become zealots really fast.www.youtube.com/embed/6twB_b71XPE?I see grown ass men talking like this on late night televangelist programs. It's baby talk! Grow up, raaaabaaalololo baaaa faaaaaaa riggookkooolala dooooooooooooobooooooo JEEEE-SUS aabbbbbloriahnooobogo nobogo looo wookiewookie jibby jibby jibby. They should be embarrassed! Babies are cute when they do it. Adults are … [Read more...]

Proof that babies are indeed atheists (short video)

Some would argue that all babies are atheists. Conversely, our 9 month old daughter has been speaking in tongues a lot.So we decided to just ask her how she feels about God:http://www.youtube.com/embed/MDX5_d7V5uU?Not surprisingly, her thoughts on religion mirror her parents' views.Another question I get is:Are you raising your daughter to be ATHEIST?!?I change my answer depending on the mood. (please leave suggestions in the comments, if you've got any.)No, we are … [Read more...]

Deployment is over and my daughter is so happy to see me!

This is about 5 minutes after I landed back in the Fort Bragg area. Perhaps 'happy' isn't the right word.My daughter Zoe is also learning to say "Not the mama."Zoe, if you are reading this years from now... that was a reference to this TV show:http://www.youtube.com/embed/HNR4hKbSH7I? … [Read more...]

Is it just me, or does childbirth look easy?

Pro-tip, never say that when you are in the maternity ward.When my daughter Zoe was born, I made that remark. I was trying to make my wife smile and take her mind off the pain. The nurse yelled at me. She told me that I was way off base. The nurse told me that I could never know that kind of pain.Perhaps.Anyway, I've been away from my daughter Zoe for longer than she's been alive. That's something I never want to be able to say again. She's adorable, and my wife has done an amazing … [Read more...]