Some Random Memories and Thoughts about “Memorial Day” in the United States

Some Random Memories and Thoughts about “Memorial Day” in the United States May 29, 2017

Some Random Memories and Thoughts about Memorial Day in the United States

I know the history of it, but in many parts of the US its original intention has been largely forgotten. It was originally a holiday to remember those Americans who died in war or who fought in war and died later (deceased veterans). Where I grew up and lived most of my early life it was also known as “Decoration Day.” It was a day to visit cemeteries and decorate graves of deceased loved ones. There and then the emphasis on remembering and honoring deceased veterans was largely forgotten. November’s “Veterans Day” replaced Memorial Day for that purpose.

Memorial Day was a fairly serious time then and there. We–my extended family–solemnly visited my mother’s grave, placed flowers there, and made sure the marker and its surroundings were clean and well-kept. We stood around her grave and talked about her (she died when I was a toddler) and prayed–not for her (which we believed was of no use) but thanking God for her life and her love for us. As a child almost everything I knew about my mother came in those adult conversations around my mother’s grave.

Then we sat in front of my grandparents’ house in lawn chairs (or on the ground or curb) and watched the parade which did include many veterans and a lot of American flags, etc. Then we had a picnic in a park where there was usually some patriotic music being played by a band.

Well into my adult years I remember seeing aisles in certain stores devoted to Memorial Day flower arrangements–some real flowers, some fake flowers–that said things like “Mother” or “Father” on them. Most cemeteries (in the part of the country where I grew up and lived much of my life) had rules about when such Memorial Day flowers could be placed on graves and when they had to be removed–especially if (as in my mother’s case) the grave markers were metal plaques in the ground and not “head stones.”

I have not seen any of this in quite a few years now. Yes, I am sure that custom still exists somewhere and for some people. But, by and large, so it seems to me, Memorial Day has become nothing other than a day off work, a day to watch sports on TV, a day to work in the yard, maybe a day for a family get-together for an outdoor barbecue, etc.

My point is that I think we have lost something in much of the US as Memorial Day has morphed into what I describe in the paragraph above and lost its focus on remembering the deceased.

One discussion I have occasionally had with a close friend is whether the deceased have a right to be remembered. He says they do not. Once they are dead they have no rights (except for their bodies not to be desecrated). My argument is that this is not a legal right but a moral right–insofar as the deceased person loved and was loved and made some contribution to family, society, friends, etc. (as they were able).

I cannot explain why, but I have always felt an inner obligation and impulse to remember the dead–especially my mother but also others who made a significant contribution to my life–and thank God for them and IF POSSIBLE visit their graves on Memorial Day. For me this is not just an inner cultural artifact of the way I was raised but a theological-ethical impulse. I believe that, insofar as it is possible, it is virtuous to remember the dead who gave birth to us and/or contributed much to our lives or who gave their lives for our well-being (freedoms, opportunities, etc.).


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