Socialism Elected Trump!

There are people like Michael Moore who are taking consolation in the fact that Hillary won the popular vote. For one, this isn't exactly true. The only winner of the popular vote was the usual, perennial winner: the apolitical protest non-vote of the disaffected masses, who always don't vote at rates of 40 to 60 percent. Of the 50 percent or so who did vote, Hillary pulled a marginal majority.This uninspiring majority has led a number of internet geniuses to advocate abolishing the … [Read more...]

Fr. Pavone Places Human Corpse on Altar, an Offering to the Idol of Trump

Patheos Catholic has widely reported on Fr. Frank Pavone's recent stunt where he used the naked human corpse of a late-term abortion as a prop for a photo op and video on the Priests for Life Facebook page. In this case I strongly reccomend not finding the source material.This was a human body placed on an altar with candles lit around it in a last minute attempt to rally votes for Donald Trump -- all orchestrated by a Roman Catholic priest.There is a dark and macabre sacramental … [Read more...]

Raymond Arroyo and EWTN Reject Solidarity Party and Interview Trump

I graduated from Franciscan University of Steubenville in May 2005. The commencement speaker was perhaps the most drastic drop from quality to garbage one can experience. The scheduled speaker was originally Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger who had recently become unavailable, occupied by his recent election to the seat of Peter. The substitute for Ratzinger -- the replacement for a Pope who I believe will one day be a Doctor of the Church, the best my university could do to replace Benedict XVI -- was … [Read more...]

The Apocalypse Will Cure Us Dead

Your almost-on-time Weekly Apocalypse, in eight points:The midterm election cured the press of the reporting-on-ebola epidemic. A not-so-recent social science study went out of date again. An Italian karaoke-singing nun, after winning the derivative Italian version of The Voice, signed a record deal with Universal and released a debut where she performs covers songs, bringing an official and much anticipated end to the credibility of the popular music industry. A Catholic online p … [Read more...]

Left Behind After the End that Never Began

Your mostly faithful Weekly Apocalypse, in nine points:People terrified by an Ebola outbreak in the United States also seem to object to universal healthcare. Postmodernist, libertarian, and know-nothing consumerist anti-vaxers unite in relativistic denial of herd immunity, temporarily disproving the theory of natural selection. Every journalist in the entire world seems to have forgotten about the Islamic Golden Age. George Weigel reads Evangelical Catholicism and Evangelii Gaudium with go … [Read more...]

The Apocalypse Will Make Sense, When It Ends

Your punctually tardy weekly apocalypse in eight points:1. Pope Francis has decided to stop giving interviews and instead plans begin to taking them. Whoopi Goldberg, from The View, is reportedly atop his short list.2. Arizona Republican congressional candidate, Adam Kwasman, mistook a bus of YMCA campers for immigrant children and Tweeted his displeasure to the relief of late night comedy writers everywhere.3. President Obama, who holds the all-time record for immigrant deportations with … [Read more...]

The End of the World Starts at the Beginning

Your never delayed, but always on time, weekly apocalypse, in eight points:1. The latest discovery of Jesus's wife has overshadowed the much more serious and credible discovery of the city of Atlantis, unreported by the always-biased media, where a scroll is said to exist proving definitively that Jesus also had a husband along with several pets, among them a camel who had a phobia of passing through small, tight entrances.2. The University of Notre Dame will honor Kevin Miller, a biologist … [Read more...]

The Apocalypse Will Flood Your Mind

Your flaky, but always weekly, apocalypse, in seven points: 1. A century after Nietzsche stole the words "Gott ist tot" from Hegel in The Gay Science, the razor sharp wit and ambitious artistic vision of the US Christian imagination has made a definitive rejoinder in the form of the motion picture God's Not Dead. The film is reminiscent of  that classic television series, "Touched by an Angel," and promises to have similar cultural effects. 2. Stephen Colbert has decided to change his satirical n … [Read more...]

The Apocalypse Returns With Feathers

Your flaky weekly apocalypse, in ten points. 1. The War on Christmas is in full swing again and sales are going well. It is expected to end on Christmas, if not a few days earlier. 2. Happy New Years! 3. Francis is declared to be the first gay, atheist, and only the third communist pope, by dozens of Catholics on Facebook. 4. Bill Clinton is reported to have auditioned for the role of Nelson Mandela in the forthcoming film, citing Toni Morrison. 5. Pat Robertson is suing Phil Roberson for using … [Read more...]

The Apocalyptic Wheels Go Round and Round

 Your weekly apocalypse, in nine points:1. The US House of Representatives voted 400-1 to allow religious services at the numerous worldwide locations of the American military industrial complex.2. No one knows who voted against the bill, but rumor has it that it was an observant Quaker who lacks a sense of absurdity.3. Alabama (4-0) beats Georgia State (0-4) 45-3 with their training staff.4. Pope Francis is set to interview himself next week, on psychoanalysis, confession, and … [Read more...]