Dear Razor Blade,

Dear Razor Blade,I'm sorry for what happened the other night, but the fact remains: I stopped cutting in November.The road got bumpy and the cutting bandwagon didn't have any seat-belts. I was emotionally vulnerable, and I know I shouldn't have brought you into my house the other night. But I did. What happened happened.I know I'll sound like a jerk for saying this (until I remember that you're an inanimate object and I'm only writing you a letter because I enjoy personification), but the … [Read more...]

Tension redeemed

Tension.That word keeps popping up this week.As a scholar with the spiritual gift of discernment, I like to know everything. But I don't. I like to be able to clearly perceive right from wrong. But I can't always do that. I like to have an answer to everything.But sometimes that answer is a measly, "I don't know."I don't always like the tension of uncertainty. But as a musician, I realize that some musical dissonance is necessary to make a piece of music interesting. Could the same be … [Read more...]

Two wrongs don’t make a right…or do they?

When children repay violence with violence, we say, "Two wrongs don't make a right."When governments repay violence with violence, we say, "Justice was served."I know most people reading this already have verses popping into their heads- maybe from Numbers 35, or even Romans 13. I know several people are already drumming up off-the-wall scenarios to question me with in the comments, and others are probably going to say something about Hitler.But let's put all these verses and scenarios … [Read more...]

Crippling lies and “tennis shoes” of truth

I recall vividly the first time I tried to leave my abusive relationship with my first boyfriend.We were driving home from church and I broke up with him in the car. He became angry, threatening to drive the car off the road and kill us both. So I did the logical thing and climbed out of the car at the next stop light.I started to run away. I was sure I could out-run him and somehow find my way home once I had lost him...But I was wearing high heeled shoes.That made things difficult. I … [Read more...]

Why do you know your limitations?

"I can't do that," a friend of mine said to me recently. "I know my limitations."I've heard that phrase many times. "I know my limitations."But my question to anyone who has uttered those four words is this: why do you know your limitations?Do you know your limitations because you put them there? Did you hand pick the bricks to build up the walls you've put around your life?Or, do you know your limitations because you've been to them? Because you've tested them and pushed them?Do you … [Read more...]

Conquering with kindness- guest post!

After reading yesterday's blog post about spiritual gifts, my anonymous male friend decided to reveal his secret identity and add his own thoughts to the discussion.Abe Kobylanski has his own blog at Images and Words. He writes about everything from bachelorhood, to sports, to that one Rob Bell book that he never read (but is still outraged by). I think you'll enjoy his witty writing style, and I hope you'll be encouraged by what he has to say!  Ahh, spiritual gifts.There … [Read more...]

The wrong spiritual gift?

Update: for anyone who'd like to read my male friend's personal thoughts on this issue, check out today's guest post: "Conquering with kindness!"I am not a fan of gender roles, as anyone who's been reading my blog lately knows. As a women, I am constantly presented with expectations that I either cannot, or do not wish to live up to.But gender roles are bad for men too.A few weeks ago, I had a discussion with a male friend of mine (who gave me permission to anonymously write about him) … [Read more...]

The problem with generalization

I have been unable to avoid thinking about the issue of gender roles in our society and in the church.A few days ago, a famous pastor posted a facebook status calling people to mock "anatomically effeminate males," and reactions to this brought up some interesting discussion in the blogging world. "What gives us the right to call a man effeminate?" people wondered. Where do our standards come from?Inspired by others (especially Tyler L. Clark and Dianna E. Anderson) who were frustrated with … [Read more...]

Words bruise

As I've discussed in several of my posts lately, my first boyfriend was abusive.He didn't hit me very often (in fact, I only remember him hitting me once). He didn't need to. He could bench press 300 lbs, so I was just a rag doll to him. He pushed me around, threw me into things, or picked me up and shook me when he was angry. If I tried to run away, he would grab my arm so tightly that it would leave bruises in the shape of his hand.Those things hurt. They hurt badly. And the bruises were … [Read more...]

Love by leaving

How do you love a boyfriend that abuses you? How do you treat an abusive girlfriend like Jesus would treat her? How do you forgive a person without letting him/her hurt you again?Ever since I broke up with my abusive first boyfriend five years ago, I've been searching for answers to this question.If I had treated him better...If I had stayed with him longer...If I hadn't responded with violence at the end (our break up involved me punching him in the face out of … [Read more...]


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