Beautiful, Beautiful Bitterness

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The other morning, I came across a tweet from a self-identified “theobrogian,” calling for ex-fundamentalist bloggers to “stop making a career out of bitterness.” The first thing I thought was, who the hell is hiring people to be bitter? Is that a skill I can list on my resume? That would be my dream job!   My second thought was that this is hardly original. I’ve been called bitter more times than I can count. Even before I started a blog that focuses on calling out abuse … [Read more...]

Not So Fast, The Daily Beast: On Rape Myths and Those Slutty, Gossipy Women

Content Note: Discussion of sexual assault, victim blaming This is a response to a piece published on The Daily Beast by Robert B. Weide. It will likely be the first of two or three posts on the topic, so stay tuned for further thoughts.  On February 1st, Dylan Farrow penned an open letter about her adopted father, director Woody Allen: What’s your favorite Woody Allen movie? Before you answer, you should know: when I was seven years old, Woody Allen took me by the hand and led me into … [Read more...]

Can detachment from others serve life?

Calls for empathy and compassion toward oppressors and abusers are popular in American Christianity. I think this is true of a variety of branches of Christianity, although more conservative branches may express this empathy differently from more liberal branches. Not really surprising--after all, Jesus told us to love our enemies. Jesus said "Father, forgive them." Jesus was always being moved with compassion. Empathy and compassion can be great things. But after leaving fundamentalism, I … [Read more...]

Proverbs of Ashes and suffering to save our oppressors

I'm currently reading through Proverbs of Ashes by Rita Nakashima Brock and Rebecca Ann Parker. In the chapter I'm reading, Parker shares some thoughts about several different theologies of suffering and what these theologies say to and about survivors of abuse. One of the theologies Parker addresses is the "moral influence" theology of suffering (pg. 41). This theology states that by accepting violence, as Christ did on the cross, we can appeal to the conscious of our oppressors and change … [Read more...]

What “Love and Respect” and “Fireproof” Teach Abusers and their Victims

Poster from the movie "Fireproof" (click for source)

Content Note: Descriptions of Abuse, Abuse Apologism Ever since we started dating, my husband Abe has been trying to talk me into watching the movie Fireproof with him. No, not because he thought it would help our relationship, but because he insisted that it was one of the funniest movies I'd ever see. A couple of weeks ago, we finally rented the DVD at Family Video (yes, those still exist), and he was right. It was pretty hilarious--in the same way that Troll 2 and Jaws The Revenge are … [Read more...]

Privilege in Christian Pacifism: Fight the Systems, Not the Survivors

This is the second post in a short series I've been working on about the problems that privilege brings in Christian pacifist circles. The first post can be found here. I'm also linking this post up to the Political Jesus synchroblog--The New Pacifism. In my last post on pacifism, I discussed the tendency of many privileged pacifists to shame survivors who do not react to abuse in "approved" non-violent ways. I wrote about how it's dehumanizing to hear people who admittedly probably won't … [Read more...]

Privilege in Christian Pacifism: My Life is Not Your Thought Exercise

No, not THAT "What Would You Do?"

I wrote this post a few days ago and had it scheduled for today, but since h00die_R is hosting a synchroblog at Political Jesus on the topic of pacifism, I thought I'd link up! Check it out and see if you'd be interested in participating.  I've been thinking about pacifism lately. It's come up in my church, in Twitter discussions, and in blog posts. This is not a response specifically to any recent discussions of pacifism, but since it keeps coming up I do want to let out some of the … [Read more...]

“You Are Not Your Own:” Wrapping Things Up

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This post is part of a series called“You Are Not Your Own,” focusing on rape and sexual assault in Christian relationship/dating books Content Note: rape, sexual assault We've come to the last post in my series about rape and sexual assault in evangelical Christian dating books. Yup, that's right... ...It's time to kiss dating books goodbye.  To sum up, there were four significant findings related to rape and sexual assault in these books: These books create … [Read more...]

When churches hurt children

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Content Note: Child Abuse, Spanking I've followed Stuff Fundies Like for years now. It's been a great resource in my journey away from fundamentalism, helping me realize how harmful some of the stuff I'd been raised to see as normal really was. I'm far enough removed from that culture that I usually laugh at the entries, and laugh at myself for having once been so strongly a part of fundamental Baptist culture. But a recent post brought me to tears. I couldn't even laugh at the … [Read more...]

“You Are Not Your Own:” Is Rape Just Another “Sexual Sin?”

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This post is part of a series called“You Are Not Your Own,” focusing on rape and sexual assault in Christian relationship/dating books Content Note: rape, sexual assault, victim blaming This is the LAST post on the findings of my series on rape and sexual assault in Christian dating books (Dateable, I Kissed Dating Goodbye, Real Marriage, andWhen God Writes Your Love Story). I may have a wrap-up post or two after this, but we're coming near to the end! If you are behind and … [Read more...]


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