The subtle signs of relationship abuse

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month.Are you aware of domestic violence?Of course you know it exists. Turn on Lifetime for five minutes and you'll figure that one out. But do we really understand what domestic violence looks like?When you think of an abusive relationship, you may think of physical violence, bruises, and yelling. But the fact is, in most cases, by the time these obvious symptoms appear, the abuse has probably been going on for while.The roots of domestic violence … [Read more...]

Thoughts and feelings

The following is an exchange between Sarah the Thinker and Sarah the Feeler. Feeler parts are in parenthesis because I often attempt to skip over them as though they don't matter as much. (But they do)I haven't seen much of my abusive ex-boyfriend since we broke up. He didn't stalk me or beg me to come back to him. He got over me faster than I got over him and he moved on and forgot I existed. So I shouldn't be afraid of him.(But I am)I saw him for the first time since the big breakup … [Read more...]

Thought zombies

I started writing a blog post yesterday and I didn't actually finish it.I published it anyway for some reason, and the result can be found here. I think I managed to put some semi-decent finishing touches on it and at least come to some sort of conclusion.I think.I didn't actually proof-read it. I just hit the shiny, blue "publish" button and tried to forget. But I had really had a lot more to say.Somewhere in the middle of writing, a tsunami of memories crashed over my brain and I just … [Read more...]

Remote-control Sarah

I smelled, and I knew it.I hadn't showered in days.I didn't dare.He'd yell at me for disobeying. He'd call me names. He'd accuse me of trying to get other men. I showered when he said I could shower. I wore makeup when he said I could wear make up. I brushed my hair when he said I could brush my hair. I wore the outfits that he assigned to me everyday. And I shaved my legs when he said I could.If said "jump," I didn't dare waste time asking "how high?". It would never be high enough … [Read more...]

Tension redeemed: Pacifism

War, war, what is it good for?...I don't really know.I'm opening up my series on tension and doubt (read the intro here) with the subject of pacifism. I consider myself a pacifist, but I can't answer all the questions people ask me when they find out that I am a supporter of non-violence.So, here's what I know:Jesus said, "Love your enemies."Killing a person isn't very loving.Violence almost always leads to more violence. Paul told us to "overcome evil with good."Until … [Read more...]

Join the chorus!

Over the past couple of weeks I've written several blog posts about relationship abuse. You can read about them here, here, here, here, and here.I've done my best to be a voice. And one voice is better than silence. But a chorus of voices? That's what really makes a difference!(Like THIS!)If you would like to tell your story or speak out against abuse, then join the chorus!I invite you to write a guest post for this blog and send it to me at moonsn11@gmail.com. You can remain anonymous … [Read more...]

Crippling lies and “tennis shoes” of truth

I recall vividly the first time I tried to leave my abusive relationship with my first boyfriend.We were driving home from church and I broke up with him in the car. He became angry, threatening to drive the car off the road and kill us both. So I did the logical thing and climbed out of the car at the next stop light.I started to run away. I was sure I could out-run him and somehow find my way home once I had lost him...But I was wearing high heeled shoes.That made things difficult. I … [Read more...]

Words bruise

As I've discussed in several of my posts lately, my first boyfriend was abusive.He didn't hit me very often (in fact, I only remember him hitting me once). He didn't need to. He could bench press 300 lbs, so I was just a rag doll to him. He pushed me around, threw me into things, or picked me up and shook me when he was angry. If I tried to run away, he would grab my arm so tightly that it would leave bruises in the shape of his hand.Those things hurt. They hurt badly. And the bruises were … [Read more...]

Love by leaving

How do you love a boyfriend that abuses you? How do you treat an abusive girlfriend like Jesus would treat her? How do you forgive a person without letting him/her hurt you again?Ever since I broke up with my abusive first boyfriend five years ago, I've been searching for answers to this question.If I had treated him better...If I had stayed with him longer...If I hadn't responded with violence at the end (our break up involved me punching him in the face out of … [Read more...]

I’m ready to be a voice (I think)

I don't always finish what I start. About two weeks ago, I promised a series on the good and bad of Disney Princess movies.  But I never  finished writing even one post besides the introduction.Perhaps someday I'll pick the series up again, but at this point I have lost interest. I quit because I got stuck. I had ideas. I even made an outline (and I never do that). But the first movie that I planned on analyzing, Beauty and the Beast, hit much too close to home.The "bad" that I was going … [Read more...]


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