A little more on the “selfish wives” that say no.

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I firmly believe in a person's right to say no to marital sex.  Marriage is not a contract that binds a person to sex on-demand. I've made this clear in posts elsewhere (like here and here), and I've discussed this in other settings outside of my blog. Oddly, some people really don't seem to like this idea. In fact, almost every time I suggest that a person has a right to say no to sex, even to their spouse, I get similar responses: "Well if a couple NEVER has sex that's a bad … [Read more...]

If Jesus is Lord, then Caesar is not.

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Last night at church, my pastor talked about the phrase "Jesus is Lord," and what that phrase means. After church, a fellow church goer was wanting to start a conversation about what "Jesus is Lord" means to different people and asked if I would write a blog post on the subject. My relationship with the idea that "Jesus is Lord" is complicated in a couple of ways. First of all, as someone who identifies as both a Unitarian Universalist and a Christian, I am wary of the exclusive mindset such … [Read more...]

I Don’t Care If You Call Yourself A Feminist, Part 1

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In my time on the feminist internets, I often hear arguments for why EVERYONE should identify as a feminist. "If you think women are people, congrats, you're a feminist!" "Quit saying 'I'm not a feminist, but....' You are a feminist!" Etc., etc., etc. There was a time, when I first became a feminist, when I would have shared quotes saying something similar. But lately, when I see these arguments trying to shame people into identifying as feminists, I get a little uncomfortable. This meme … [Read more...]

Maybe God is a “bitch”

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In the months following my decision to leave fundamentalism for good, I began to shy away from the idea of God as a God of wrath. No, how could God be wrathful? God is love. God isn't angry at us. God loves us. Maybe I was wrong. The wrath of God in fundamentalism is often used to talk about God sending little children to hell for taking a cookie out of the cookie jar. It's often used to talk about how God was so furious with us disgusting human beings that God had to use his own son, … [Read more...]

I don’t know, why do you tell your daughters to dress modestly?

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Trigger Warning for Modesty Culture B.S. and Benevolent Sexism. Also, I used more swear words than usually because I just can't even. When I read the piece on Christianity Today's women's blog entitled "Why I Tell My Daughters to Dress Modestly," my first response was "Because of benevolent sexism?" I've been talking about benevolent vs. hostile sexism on my blog a lot lately, and how often, people who adhere to benevolent sexist mindsets don't think of themselves as sexists. They look … [Read more...]

“You Are Not Your Own:” Women are objects, or weaker animals

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This post is part of a series called“You Are Not Your Own,” focusing on rape and sexual assault in Christian relationship/dating books Trigger Warning for rape, sexual assault, victim blaming, sexism Note: this research mainly focused on female rape. Though it is not the focus of my project, male rape is a huge problem as well–1 out of every 10 rape victims is male. I wanted to make it clear that, despite the focus of my study, it is not only women (and definitely not only … [Read more...]

You Are Not Your Own: Benevolent Sexism as the Solution to Hostile Sexism

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This post is part of a series called“You Are Not Your Own,” focusing on rape and sexual assault in Christian relationship/dating books Trigger Warning for rape, sexual assault, victim blaming, sexism Note: this research mainly focused on female rape, so I am not sure if the same trends toward rape myth acceptance would apply in cases of male rape. If anyone wants to see if research has been done on that subject and report back, feel free. Though it is not the focus of my project, male … [Read more...]

Privilege, oppression, and being “nice”

Imagine you're standing there, minding your own business, and all of a sudden someone steps on your foot. You don't know if they're doing it on accident or on purpose--all you know is, it hurts. So, you tell the person standing on your foot, "Oww! Get off my foot!" The person standing on your foot responds by stomping down even harder, saying, "I didn't mean to stand on your foot. Why do you have to yell at me?" As they dig their heel further into your foot, they say, "I'd stop, but you … [Read more...]

“You Are Not Your Own” Series: Religion and Rape Myth Acceptance

This post is part of a series called“You Are Not Your Own,” focusing on rape and sexual assault in Christian relationship/dating books Trigger Warning for rape, sexual assault, victim blaming, and dehumanization Note: this research mainly focused on female rape, so I am not sure if the same trends toward rape myth acceptance would apply in cases of male rape. If anyone wants to see if research has been done on that subject and report back, feel free. Though it is not the focus of my … [Read more...]

When the moral arc of the universe feels more like a roller-coaster

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Martin Luther King Jr. (paraphrasing Theodore Parker) once said, "The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice." I want to believe that's true. I have to believe that's true. But after this week, I'm beginning to think that Dr. King's arc looks more like a roller-coaster. Of course, Dr. King certainly knows better than I ever will that justice doesn't just happen, and that no matter how many strides you make forward, someone's always going to be trying to push you … [Read more...]


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