Resurrection and the Surviving God

Empty-Tomb-300x300

Content Note: brief description of a suicide attempt This past year, around Easter, I planned on writing some posts about crucifixion and resurrection. I found I couldn't really get past the former. I mean, I'm a skeptic on the idea of the literal resurrection of Jesus to begin with, but I found I couldn't even envision a risen God. A victorious living God.A suffering God? A dying God? An oppressed God? Yeah, I could see that. I could see that clearly. In fact, writing about the … [Read more...]

I write from my wounds and they don’t hear Jesus

Today I saw a tweet by a liberal (?), progressive (?), doesn't-think-gay-people-should-have-sex-but-probably-changed-their-FB-profile-picture-to-the-HRC-logo-a-few-months-ago (yeah, that's it) Christian blogger I once read and appreciated. It said, If you only write from your wounds from an abstract “Church” and you no longer root yourself to a body of believers, I don’t hear Jesus. I can't help but think that many of the liberalish evangelical or post-evangelical bloggers I once followed and l … [Read more...]

Would Father’s Day be different?

Would Father's Day be different . . .If Christianity wasn't preaching that, not only are they allowed to hit their children, but they must hit their children in order to be good fathers?If complementarianism wasn't telling dads that it's a woman's job to raise children, and that caring, nurturing men are "emasculated?"If society wasn't still pumping out the tired, old idea that masculinity equals power, and that men who do not have complete control over their families are not real me … [Read more...]

My body remembers

[TRIGGER WARNINGS: Rape and Abuse]As many of you know, in highschool I spent a year in an abusive relationship. Some of my memories of my abuse are vague and foggy. But then other memories I remember well. The ones I remember the most clearly are the ones I remember not only in my mind, but in the rest of my body as well.As I think about my connection with my body, and I think about my commitment to reconnect with and love my body for Lent, I also have to think of the ways my body has been … [Read more...]

No, REALLY, I’m happy.

Yesterday, I wrote about how, for the first time in a long time, I really do feel happy.Funny, though, how the happier I get the more people insist that I'm not happy at all. I get that a lot. "You've become so miserable and bitter."..."Ever since you left church [read: the fundamentalist church] you've just been miserable."..."Remember when you loved Jesus and church and you were so happy?"..."You've just become an angry feminist! Can't you just enjoy your life?"Last year at this time I … [Read more...]

Healing

 Trigger warnings for rape and for a slightly gory pictureI was raped.Sometimes I just need to say those words. They hurt. Every time I say them they hurt. But they're true, and someday I'm hoping that truth will set me free.I haven't always been able to admit that I was raped. At one time it was actually safer to think that it had been my fault. It was easier to blame myself than it was to admit I'd been powerless, because, to me, powerlessness was far more terrifying than … [Read more...]

When I can

People assume that healing from abuse is a strict progression of cause to effect, but actually from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint - it's more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly... time-y wimey... stuff.Doctor Who quotes aside, I can't tell you how many times I've heard, "It's been years. Why don't you just let it go?"I can't always get a hold of it, for one. Pain is like a greased pig--I can't even get a grip on it in the first place most of the time, much less "let it go." It's not … [Read more...]

Last Valentine’s Day…

Last Valentine's Day was hard.I had had plans, of course. I was going to continue the tradition that my boyfriend and I had started two years earlier where we give each other President's Day cards instead of Valentine's Day cards. The card was still sitting in my desk drawer. It said, "You baRACK! You're da oBAMa!"But now the plans were cancelled because there was no one to give the stupid card to anymore and the student union was rubbing it in my face with all the hearts on the walls that … [Read more...]

How Kittums, Smeagol, and Princess Buttercup taught me to love

Please read this article by Ben DeVries on Kurt Williams blog. It has a wonderful, beautiful point, and adorable animals. You can't lose. Read it!http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thepangeablog/2011/09/14/the-nonviolence-of-the-kingdom-towards-animals-ben-devries/ This post of mine is a response of sorts.I'm an animal lover.There's no denying it.If you don't believe me, check out my Facebook page. Chances are, my profile picture currently has at least one cat in it. I love animals.It's a … [Read more...]

Thoughts and feelings

The following is an exchange between Sarah the Thinker and Sarah the Feeler. Feeler parts are in parenthesis because I often attempt to skip over them as though they don't matter as much. (But they do)I haven't seen much of my abusive ex-boyfriend since we broke up. He didn't stalk me or beg me to come back to him. He got over me faster than I got over him and he moved on and forgot I existed. So I shouldn't be afraid of him.(But I am)I saw him for the first time since the big breakup … [Read more...]


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