“You Are Not Your Own:” Men Are Animals

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This post is part of a series called“You Are Not Your Own,” focusing on rape and sexual assault in Christian relationship/dating books Trigger Warning for rape, sexual assault, victim blaming, sexism Note: this research mainly focused on female rape. Though it is not the focus of my project, male rape is a huge problem as well–1 out of every 10 rape victims is male. I wanted to make it clear that, despite the focus of my study, it is not only women (and definitely not only … [Read more...]

You Are Not Your Own: Benevolent Sexism as the Solution to Hostile Sexism

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This post is part of a series called“You Are Not Your Own,” focusing on rape and sexual assault in Christian relationship/dating books Trigger Warning for rape, sexual assault, victim blaming, sexism Note: this research mainly focused on female rape, so I am not sure if the same trends toward rape myth acceptance would apply in cases of male rape. If anyone wants to see if research has been done on that subject and report back, feel free. Though it is not the focus of my project, male … [Read more...]

“You Are Not Your Own:” So, whose are you?

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This post is part of a series called“You Are Not Your Own,” focusing on rape and sexual assault in Christian relationship/dating books Trigger Warning for rape, sexual assault, victim blaming, and dehumanization Note: this research mainly focused on female rape, so I am not sure if the same trends toward rape myth acceptance would apply in cases of male rape. If anyone wants to see if research has been done on that subject and report back, feel free. Though it is not the focus of my … [Read more...]

Guidelines for a holistic sexual ethic, part 3

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If you haven't read my other two posts on sexual ethics, I suggest you do so to get the full context. The first post can be found here, and the second here. As a reminder, I've been talking about a few basic guidelines that can help people form a holistic sexual ethic. I'm doing this to combat the idea that purity-culture and/or wait-til-marriage Christians have a monopoly on ethical sex, and the idea that waiting until marriage is in itself a holistic sexual ethic. In my last post on this … [Read more...]

Guidelines for a holistic sexual ethic, part 2

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The other day, I talked about how I've noticed over the past few months many Christians talking about "sexual ethics." I mentioned that, even Christians trying to move away from shaming and purity culture often fall into this dichotomy of "marital sex as ethical" vs. "premarital sex as dangerous, objectifying, and trying to avoid consequences." I think sexual ethics are important. I also think they look a little different from person to person. And Idefinitelythink that views which … [Read more...]

Guidelines for a holistic sexual ethic, part 1

I know I told you the other day that I would be too busy to post much this week. Well, that's true. I'm pretty busy. But when your choices are "write a paper for health class" and "write about SEX" which are you going to choose (unfortunately, my paper for health class is not about sex)? Really, though. I've been seeing conversations about sex circling throughout the blogging world, and I want to add my own thoughts. This isn't a response to anyone in particular, but the past few months I've … [Read more...]

Love and the mystery of men and women

I've been reading bell hook's book All About Love: New Visions. In it, she stresses the importance of defining love so that we can't be controlled by abusive people who claim to love us. She borrows her definition of love from M. Scott Peck: "the will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth...Love is as love does. Love is an act of will--namely, both an intention and an action."  hooks later discusses our culture's reluctance to define … [Read more...]

In which I ruin the sanctity of marriage.

If it were 1958, I would be ruining the sanctity of marriage. See, I am white. Abe, on the other hand, is half-Chinese. And just 54 years ago, 96% percent (NINETY SIX PERCENT) of Americans would have thought that Abe and I wanted to literally crush them with our interracial steamroller. Much of this was based on religious beliefs. In fact, in 1959, when Richard and Mildred Loving, an interracial couple, were arrested and charged with a felony, a judge ruled: Almighty God created the races … [Read more...]

“Unwilling Desperado:” A guest post!

Today's guest post is from my good friend, Abe Kobylanski. I hope you'll enjoy his thoughts about singleness and the church's view of marriage! And be sure to check out his blog at Images and Words.  So, being a 27-year-old Christian male is pretty weird. The average marriage age for an American male is 28, so I still have a few months to go before I break that social norm. But if I had to guess, I would guess the average age for a first marriage for Christians would be around 22. In other … [Read more...]


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