You Are Not Your Own: Benevolent Sexism as the Solution to Hostile Sexism

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This post is part of a series called“You Are Not Your Own,” focusing on rape and sexual assault in Christian relationship/dating booksTrigger Warning for rape, sexual assault, victim blaming, sexismNote: this research mainly focused on female rape, so I am not sure if the same trends toward rape myth acceptance would apply in cases of male rape. If anyone wants to see if research has been done on that subject and report back, feel free. Though it is not the focus of my project, male rape … [Read more...]

Guidelines for a holistic sexual ethic, part 2

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The other day, I talked about how I've noticed over the past few months many Christians talking about "sexual ethics." I mentioned that, even Christians trying to move away from shaming and purity culture often fall into this dichotomy of "marital sex as ethical" vs. "premarital sex as dangerous, objectifying, and trying to avoid consequences."I think sexual ethics are important. I also think they look a little different from person to person. And Idefinitelythink that views which … [Read more...]

Guidelines for a holistic sexual ethic, part 1

I know I told you the other day that I would be too busy to post much this week. Well, that's true. I'm pretty busy. But when your choices are "write a paper for health class" and "write about SEX" which are you going to choose (unfortunately, my paper for health class is not about sex)?Really, though. I've been seeing conversations about sex circling throughout the blogging world, and I want to add my own thoughts. This isn't a response to anyone in particular, but the past few months I've … [Read more...]

When my abuser is welcome at the table, I am not.

It's the cool thing in more progressive branches of Christianity now to talk about how EVERYONE is welcome at the communion table. I should be glad about that, I guess.I mostly just serve communion to myself (sometimes a cat or two joins in) while locked in my bedroom nowadays. Not much of a "communion," I know. I'm probably committing all sorts of blasphemy, but that's the best I can do right now. Maybe if I swapped the leftover pizza that I use as the body of Christ for some Zoloft I'd be … [Read more...]

What is a Rape Myth?

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This post is part of a series called "You Are Not Your Own," focusing on rape and sexual assault in Christian relationship/dating books.Trigger Warning for Rape, Sexual Assault, and Victim Blaming AttitudesWhen I first started contemplating my research project, I thought I'd focus on rape myths. I thought I'd get a list of rape myths, read through the books I'd chosen to read for this study (Real Marriage by Mark and Grace Driscoll, I Kissed Dating Goodbye, by Joshua Harris, When God … [Read more...]

Can you love others if you can’t love yourself?

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Trigger Warning for discussions of depression and suicideToday on Twitter, someone that I follow tweeted a familiar phrase. You've probably heard it before too."How can you love others if you can't love yourself?"I hear this line frequently. Often it's from smart people, from people that I admire. From people who really, really think that they've got a good idea going here. But here's the thing . . .It's bullshit.Not only is it bullshit, but it's harmful. I'm guessing the … [Read more...]

New Series on Rape and Sexual Assault in Christian Dating Books: “You Are Not Your Own”

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If you're a regular reader from my old address at SarahOverTheMoon.com, or if you follow me on social media (and if you don't, check out my Facebook page and Twitter account!), you've probably heard me about a research project that I've been working on since January for my undergraduate capstone. I've been reading Christian dating books and analyzing the messages that they send (or fail to send) about rape, sexual assault, and consent. My project is called "You Are Not Your Own: Rape, Sexual … [Read more...]

Guest Post for Alise Write

Hi friends!My research project is done, my exams are finished, and (though I still have a few summer classes to take) I'll be walking in the Oakland University graduation ceremony at 4 pm today. I think it's time I start blogging again.So, let's mark my triumphant return with a guest post for the wonderful Alise Write! I've written for Alise about how I've navigated my relationship with my fiance, Abe, as we both travel along in our individual faith journeys. When I first met my fiancé, … [Read more...]

Feminisms Fest: I need feminism because there is no love without justice.

When I heard that Preston Yancey, Danielle Vermeer, and  J.R. Goudeau were hosting a three-day blog link-up discussing feminism, my first thought was "Damn this timing." See, I was planning on dedicating these very three days to finishing the literature review for my senior research project.So, yesterday I was too busy to contribute because I was staring at a blank Microsoft Word document thinking "Fuck it, I'm going to go watch Fullmetal Alchemist."Tomorrow, I'll probably be too busy to c … [Read more...]

Do Gender Roles Cause Unrealistic Expectations for Relationships?

I wrote a guest post for Kevin Olenick about how the gender roles I learned in a Joshua Harris book put an unnecessary amount of stress and pain on a previous relationship. When my last boyfriend and I started getting more serious about our relationship and were wondering “Where do we go from here?” we decided to seek some counsel from books. So I went to the Christian bookstore on my Christian college’s campus and picked up Boy Meets Girl by Joshua Harris.Now, my ex and I had both grown up in … [Read more...]


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