The Magical Marriage Switch

This is a picture from Abe and my wedding. I took it.

[Content Note: Marital Sexual Coercion]Purity culture Christians like to think of marriage as ┬ásomething almost magical. It's like flipping a magical switch where all the rules, standards, and beliefs about reality change. It's as if saying "I do" plummets you into an entirely new universe. Looking at how things change after the flipping of the magical marriage switch reveals some gaping holes in purity culture thinking.One of the most integral moments in my decision to say "screw … [Read more...]

“Progressive” Christianity and Premarital Sex

Almost exactly one year ago, I read an article on Relevant Magazine that made me realize that I had absolutely no personal convictions to remain abstinent.I had grown up in the dead-center of the purity movement. I'd worn the silver rings, made the pledges, condescended to the teenage mothers, read the Joshua Harris books, and all the other lovely rituals that seem to be involved in that movement. However, after an abusive partner coerced me into sex and eventually raped me, I had to let go of … [Read more...]

An Update on Relevant Magazine and Hugo Schwyzer

In case anyone would like an update on the Relevant Magazine/Hugo Schwyzer situation, here are a couple of emails I sent Relevant. I have been asked not to quote their responses on my blog, and I will respect that, so the following are my emails, with brief summaries of the response I got in between. My first email: Dear Relevant Magazine,I write this email hesitantly, because I am expecting to receive condescending pat answers from you, and I don't know how many more of those I can … [Read more...]

Relevant Magazine, Hugo Schwyzer, and a thing called grace

Trigger warnings for rape, abuse, stalkingI believe in a thing called grace.Really, I do. I believe people can change, and when people change, I believe in giving those people a second chance. But here's the thing.Life's complicated.Because, sometimes, showing "grace" to one person means denying grace from another.Here's an example: You have a child molester who has raped and abused young children. This child molester meets Jesus. Jesus changes said child molester.Great!But what if … [Read more...]

Rape culture, Relevant Magazine, and other things that make me want to swear a lot

Trigger warnings: rape, and rape enablingSome of the responses to Joe Paterno's┬ádeath were triggering for me. You know, the ones that basically say (albeit in much more eloquent terms), "Everyone, shut up about the rape victims and how they're feeling! Joe Paterno was really good at winning football games! Can't we just talk about that?"As a rape victim, this was painful to hear, but not unexpected. As soon as I heard of his death (or rather, as soon as the media falsely reported his death … [Read more...]


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