Rape Culture: It’s Not Just For Christian Dating Books!

Content Note: Rape CultureAs I wrote my You Are Not Your Own series over the past few months, one of the most frequent response I got was, "[Insert thing that is not a Christian dating book here] does this too!" This is true. Rape culture, benevolent sexism, dehumanization, etc. come from sources, often even from sources that aren't explicitly Christian.Because my series was based on a research project I did, it was very focused on one specific thing, and that one specific thing was … [Read more...]

“You Are Not Your Own:” Is Rape Just Another “Sexual Sin?”

This post is part of a series called“You Are Not Your Own,” focusing on rape and sexual assault in Christian relationship/dating booksContent Note: rape, sexual assault, victim blamingThis is the LAST post on the findings of my series on rape and sexual assault in Christian dating books (Dateable, I Kissed Dating Goodbye, Real Marriage, andWhen God Writes Your Love Story). I may have a wrap-up post or two after this, but we're coming near to the end!If you are behind and need to c … [Read more...]

“You Are Not Your Own:” When Metaphors For Sex Sound A Lot Like Like Rape

This post is part of a series called“You Are Not Your Own,” focusing on rape and sexual assault in Christian relationship/dating booksContent Note: rape, sexual assault, violent imagery, discussion of colonialism/imperialismWe're getting toward the end of my series on rape and sexual assault in evangelical Christian dating books (Dateable, I Kissed Dating Goodbye, Real Marriage, and When God Writes Your Love Story). If you need to catch up, you can find older posts here. Here are the … [Read more...]

A little more on the “selfish wives” that say no.

I firmly believe in a person's right to say no to marital sex. Marriage is not a contract that binds a person to sex on-demand. I've made this clear in posts elsewhere (like here and here), and I've discussed this in other settings outside of my blog.Oddly, some people really don't seem to like this idea. In fact, almost every time I suggest that a person has a right to say no to sex, even to their spouse, I get similar responses:"Well if a couple NEVER has sex that's a bad rela … [Read more...]

“You Are Not Your Own:” Only Selfish Wives Say No

This post is part of a series called“You Are Not Your Own,” focusing on rape and sexual assault in Christian relationship/dating booksTrigger Warning for rape, sexual assault, coercion Note 1: Some of you have noticed that I always link adorable bunnies to Mark Driscoll's name in my blogs. Thought I would remind people that credit for that idea goes to this tumblr conversation! Enjoy the bunnies! Moving right along on my series on rape and sexual assault in Christian dating books. … [Read more...]

“You Are Not Your Own:” People Belong To Their Partners

This post is part of a series called“You Are Not Your Own,” focusing on rape and sexual assault in Christian relationship/dating booksTrigger Warning for rape, sexual assaultNote: this research mainly focused on female rape. Though it is not the focus of my project, male rape is a huge problem as well–1 out of every 10 rape victims is male. I wanted to make it clear that, despite the focus of my study, it is not only women (and definitely not only cisgender women) who face sexual violenc … [Read more...]

I don’t know, why do you tell your daughters to dress modestly?

Trigger Warning for Modesty Culture B.S. and Benevolent Sexism. Also, I used more swear words than usually because I just can't even.When I read the piece on Christianity Today's women's blog entitled "Why I Tell My Daughters to Dress Modestly," my first response was "Because of benevolent sexism?"I've been talking about benevolent vs. hostile sexism on my blog a lot lately, and how often, people who adhere to benevolent sexist mindsets don't think of themselves as sexists. They look … [Read more...]

“You Are Not Your Own:” Women are objects, or weaker animals

From "Dateable" by Justin Lookadoo and Hayley DiMarco, p. 118

This post is part of a series called“You Are Not Your Own,” focusing on rape and sexual assault in Christian relationship/dating booksTrigger Warning for rape, sexual assault, victim blaming, sexismNote: this research mainly focused on female rape. Though it is not the focus of my project, male rape is a huge problem as well–1 out of every 10 rape victims is male. I wanted to make it clear that, despite the focus of my study, it is not only women (and definitely not only cisgender women) … [Read more...]

“You Are Not Your Own:” Men Are Animals

This post is part of a series called“You Are Not Your Own,” focusing on rape and sexual assault in Christian relationship/dating booksTrigger Warning for rape, sexual assault, victim blaming, sexismNote: this research mainly focused on female rape. Though it is not the focus of my project, male rape is a huge problem as well–1 out of every 10 rape victims is male. I wanted to make it clear that, despite the focus of my study, it is not only women (and definitely not only cisgender women) … [Read more...]

“You Are Not Your Own:” So, whose are you?

This post is part of a series called“You Are Not Your Own,” focusing on rape and sexual assault in Christian relationship/dating booksTrigger Warning for rape, sexual assault, victim blaming, and dehumanizationNote: this research mainly focused on female rape, so I am not sure if the same trends toward rape myth acceptance would apply in cases of male rape. If anyone wants to see if research has been done on that subject and report back, feel free. Though it is not the focus of my proj … [Read more...]


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