A little more on the “selfish wives” that say no.

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I firmly believe in a person's right to say no to marital sex. Marriage is not a contract that binds a person to sex on-demand. I've made this clear in posts elsewhere (like here and here), and I've discussed this in other settings outside of my blog.Oddly, some people really don't seem to like this idea. In fact, almost every time I suggest that a person has a right to say no to sex, even to their spouse, I get similar responses:"Well if a couple NEVER has sex that's a bad rela … [Read more...]

“You Are Not Your Own:” Only Selfish Wives Say No

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This post is part of a series called“You Are Not Your Own,” focusing on rape and sexual assault in Christian relationship/dating booksTrigger Warning for rape, sexual assault, coercion Note 1: Some of you have noticed that I always link adorable bunnies to Mark Driscoll's name in my blogs. Thought I would remind people that credit for that idea goes to this tumblr conversation! Enjoy the bunnies! Moving right along on my series on rape and sexual assault in Christian dating books. … [Read more...]

“You Are Not Your Own:” People Belong To Their Partners

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This post is part of a series called“You Are Not Your Own,” focusing on rape and sexual assault in Christian relationship/dating booksTrigger Warning for rape, sexual assaultNote: this research mainly focused on female rape. Though it is not the focus of my project, male rape is a huge problem as well–1 out of every 10 rape victims is male. I wanted to make it clear that, despite the focus of my study, it is not only women (and definitely not only cisgender women) who face sexual violenc … [Read more...]

I don’t know, why do you tell your daughters to dress modestly?

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Trigger Warning for Modesty Culture B.S. and Benevolent Sexism. Also, I used more swear words than usually because I just can't even.When I read the piece on Christianity Today's women's blog entitled "Why I Tell My Daughters to Dress Modestly," my first response was "Because of benevolent sexism?"I've been talking about benevolent vs. hostile sexism on my blog a lot lately, and how often, people who adhere to benevolent sexist mindsets don't think of themselves as sexists. They look … [Read more...]

“You Are Not Your Own:” Women are objects, or weaker animals

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This post is part of a series called“You Are Not Your Own,” focusing on rape and sexual assault in Christian relationship/dating booksTrigger Warning for rape, sexual assault, victim blaming, sexismNote: this research mainly focused on female rape. Though it is not the focus of my project, male rape is a huge problem as well–1 out of every 10 rape victims is male. I wanted to make it clear that, despite the focus of my study, it is not only women (and definitely not only cisgender women) … [Read more...]

“You Are Not Your Own:” Men Are Animals

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This post is part of a series called“You Are Not Your Own,” focusing on rape and sexual assault in Christian relationship/dating booksTrigger Warning for rape, sexual assault, victim blaming, sexismNote: this research mainly focused on female rape. Though it is not the focus of my project, male rape is a huge problem as well–1 out of every 10 rape victims is male. I wanted to make it clear that, despite the focus of my study, it is not only women (and definitely not only cisgender women) … [Read more...]

“You Are Not Your Own:” So, whose are you?

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This post is part of a series called“You Are Not Your Own,” focusing on rape and sexual assault in Christian relationship/dating booksTrigger Warning for rape, sexual assault, victim blaming, and dehumanizationNote: this research mainly focused on female rape, so I am not sure if the same trends toward rape myth acceptance would apply in cases of male rape. If anyone wants to see if research has been done on that subject and report back, feel free. Though it is not the focus of my proj … [Read more...]

Guidelines for a holistic sexual ethic, part 3

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If you haven't read my other two posts on sexual ethics, I suggest you do so to get the full context. The first post can be found here, and the second here.As a reminder, I've been talking about a few basic guidelines that can help people form a holistic sexual ethic. I'm doing this to combat the idea that purity-culture and/or wait-til-marriage Christians have a monopoly on ethical sex, and the idea that waiting until marriage is in itself a holistic sexual ethic.In my last post on this … [Read more...]

Guidelines for a holistic sexual ethic, part 2

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The other day, I talked about how I've noticed over the past few months many Christians talking about "sexual ethics." I mentioned that, even Christians trying to move away from shaming and purity culture often fall into this dichotomy of "marital sex as ethical" vs. "premarital sex as dangerous, objectifying, and trying to avoid consequences."I think sexual ethics are important. I also think they look a little different from person to person. And Idefinitelythink that views which … [Read more...]

Guidelines for a holistic sexual ethic, part 1

I know I told you the other day that I would be too busy to post much this week. Well, that's true. I'm pretty busy. But when your choices are "write a paper for health class" and "write about SEX" which are you going to choose (unfortunately, my paper for health class is not about sex)?Really, though. I've been seeing conversations about sex circling throughout the blogging world, and I want to add my own thoughts. This isn't a response to anyone in particular, but the past few months I've … [Read more...]


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