Sarah Thebarge
After the allegations against Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh broke last week, the National Sexual Assault Hotline saw a 57% increase in calls in less than 48 hours. (Previously, the biggest increase was 46%, as the Harry Weinstein accusations were coming to light.)
Many people are dismissing the story by repeating cliches about victims of sexual assault that have long ago been proven to be not only unhelpful, but untrue.
It’s he said-she said.
They were both intoxicated.
Boys will be boys.
They were only teenagers.
She must’ve done something to provoke it then.
She must have ulterior motives to report it now.
Who could remember an event that happened decades ago?
There’s no proof.
Many are also framing the current story in political terms. He’s a Republican Supreme Court nominee, she’s a professor who’s donated to the Democratic party in the past. He’s a right-wing conservative who’s being sabotaged and smeared by the left. If we can just call the vote and give him a lifetime appointment, this’ll all go away, his defenders say.
The most inappropriate, offensive, damaging, misogynistic and twisted defenses of Kavanaugh have come from evangelical leaders like Franklin Graham, who said Kavanaugh’s actions don’t matter because it happened a long time ago, and because it was only “attempted” rape. This week Kavanaugh told a reporter from Fox news that he was a virgin for “many years” after high school. It’s twisted when the only reason you can say you’re a virgin is because your attempt to rape a woman was thwarted by a friend who walked in on you committing a crime, jumped on you and pulled you off.
Lord. have. mercy.
Why is Professor Ford speaking up now? Maybe because the higher the stakes, the more risk we’re willing to take.
Why should we take her word against his? Because 98% of women who say they were sexually assaulted aren’t lying.
Why should we care that calls to the National Sexual Assault Hotline soared when this news broke? Because one in six women will be raped in her lifetime, one in four will be sexually assaulted, and 63% of these attacks go unreported, which means that hundreds of thousands of women are living with the the memory of a nightmare that looms large over their life. Millions of women are shattered by an event that the “he’s” in the world may not remember, but all the “she’s” cannot forget.
Ford v. Kavanaugh is one story. One encounter. One assault.
And we have to realize that there are millions more that have happened, are happening and will happen if we don’t change the conversation, elevate our expectations and honestly reckon with the violent, sexualized, predatory behavior we’ve framed as a rite of passage for young American men.
We have to tenderly hold broken hearts. We have to humbly listen to long-held secrets. We have to believe sexual assault survivors who are brave enough to say, “Me, too.”
We have to knock down straw man arguments constructed of politics, victim-shaming, dismissiveness and power-grabbing to see that we have a real problem. There are real women suffering under the warring system.
There are real, shattered lives in our country that need to be mended…and listening to one woman’s story, investigating one woman’s account, believing one woman’s nightmare….well, maybe that’s a good place to start.
***
If you’re experienced a sexual assault, dear one, please know that your story matters. I believe you. There’s help.
Reach out to a trusted friend, therapist or clergy, or call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800.656.HOPE (4673).
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