The Imperative for Brain-Washing our Kids

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I’ve been a pastor for over 30 years. For the last 9 years a part of my focus has been on the challenges boys face in the 21st Century, and the challenge churches face in keeping boys engaged. 70-90% of all boys will leave the Christian Church, and most won’t come back.Often, when I write something about how the church is losing boys, I’ll get a response that says something like this: Good! That means less kids being brain-washed!  I assume the writer of that comment believes that religi … [Read more...]

Are Children’s/Youth Ministries the New Leper Colonies?

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The little children were being brought to Jesus in order that he might lay his hands on them and pray. The disciples spoke sternly to those who brought them…(Matthew 20:13) The disciples had a knack for protecting Jesus from those they considered unimportant. They wanted to send away the 5000 to feed themselves. They wanted to send away the Canaanite woman who wanted the scraps from Jesus’ table. And, they wanted to send away the children. Because Jesus was simply too tired, too busy, and per … [Read more...]

Sunday Schooling Our Kids Out of Church

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About 40 years ago a profound shift took place in many Christian congregations across the country…for all the right reasons…with one troubling unintended consequence:In the 1960’s and 1970’s, my generation, Baby Boomers, rebelled against the “institutional church” just as we did with every other institution our parents built/supported.  We rebelled by dropping out: 2/3rds of my generation dropped out of church.  In the late 1970’s/early 1980’s, innovative pastors and congregations of all size … [Read more...]

It Takes a Man to Raise a Boy Into a Man

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In the twenty-first century, the overwhelming majority of boys are being mentored primarily by women: moms and grandmas, female preschool teachers, female elementary teachers, female Sunday school teachers, and, more often than not, educational TV shows skewed to girls. A few fortunate boys have a dad, uncle, or grandpa to pour male energy into the boy. For far too many boys, however, Dad no longer lives at home, is disengaged even though he does live at home, or feels inadequate to … [Read more...]

The Hole in a Man’s Soul–The Father Wound

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If you dig deep enough into the soul of a man who for some reason seems a bit lost in life, or maybe real lost, you’ll usually find a man who never received affirmation from his father. In groups, I often ask men, by a show of hands, how many never received a blessing from Dad. More often than not, the overwhelming majority of men raise their hands.In a session on manhood I was leading, a group of four high school boys talked about their dads and the lack of Dad’s blessing in their lives. One … [Read more...]

Real Boys Don’t “Fall in Love” with Jesus

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Imagine dropping your son off at football practice and as he’s walking toward the field you yell out: Son, one of my hopes for you this season is that you fall in love with your coach!Or imagine saying to your son: Son, my greatest desire, as your dad/mom, is that you fall in love with me.Creepy!  Ick!  Yuck!Yet that’s precisely what much of Christianity says today to boys (and to girls) about Jesus.  I’m reading an absolutely exceptional book on parenting that starts out with this fl … [Read more...]

The Tyranny of Boy-Blindess: The Fog of Gender Wars

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The Fog of War: The unavoidable aspect of war wherein the intelligence gathered is always incomplete to a degree, thereby making any decisions concerning said war a bit... foggy. (Urban Dictionary) Our boys are in crisis:70% of all D’s and F’s are given to boys 85% of stimulant addressing meds prescribed in the world are prescribed to US boys The reading skills of the average 17 year old boy have declined over the last 20 years Boys are falling behind girls in almost every area of ed … [Read more...]

For the Sake of our Children: Redefining the Legacy of Success

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I wrote this for the Huffington Post last year at the request of Arianna Huffington in reply to an email I sent her responding to a new discussion she is holding on how to redefine success for women.  Make sense?  :)The current definition of success, in which we drive ourselves into the ground, if  not the grave, and in which working to the point of exhaustion and burnout is considered a badge of honor, was created by men. It's a model of success that's not working for women, and it's not wor … [Read more...]


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