This-a and that-a – UPDATED

1.  I just got home from school supply shopping.   Well, I’m used to checking out with heaping full cart, but usually that’s when I’m buying a week’s worth of food for ten people, not desk supplies for four little kids.  Sheesh.  Sheesh.  Sheesh.  Those kids had better learn something this year.  Two of the kids had flash drives on their supply lists from the teachers!  Okay, that’s actually kind of cool, but still.  When I was in 6th grade, we were using computers to run the following program:

10  PRINT “I LOVE UNICORNS”

20 GOTO 10

RUN

and then Mrs. Blanchard would get all mad because the boys were making the computer run “DEAD MEAT DEAD MEAT DEAD MEAT DEAD MEAT DEAD MEAT.”

2.  In two weeks, I will have my first very own linky list!  So get ready to share your SEARCH TERMS POETRY.  This stuff practically writes itself, and sometimes tells you a little more than you wanted to know about what kind of thing you write about.  For instance, every single damn day, at least one person finds me by entering “Horshack” into a search engine.  I write about Bach; they want Horshack.  I mention adoration; they clamor for Horshack.  I write about Horshack; they search for “when simchas go wrong.”  I’m not making any of this up.

I don’t even actually know who this person is, this Horshack.  But I realize that, in writing this, I’ve now eternally cemented my and his relationship in this strange and stupid place called the internet.

The only rule for SEARCH TERMS POETRY is that you may only use words and phrases which are direct quotes of search terms for your blog or website. Or if you want to add other words in, you have to make it clear (with quotation  marks or italics or something) which words are direct quotes.  Everything else – style, length, rhyming or not, etc. – is up to you.  If you don’t have a statistical thingy on your site, you can install the free version of Sitemeter, easy peasy.

On Monday, Sept. 13, post your poem on your site, and leave a link to it on my blog, and we can all have a good laugh at the poor suckers who Googled “spiritual help” and ended up with youHere is the search term poem I came up with.  Spread the word!

3.  The one and only, the fabulous, the indefatigable, the outrageous and yet humble, the incisive, the witty, profound, and now globetrotting Anchoress, Elizabeth Scalia, has done me the inadvisable honor of asking me to write guest posts for her blog at First Things while she is in Rome!  Danielle Bean and Sally Thomas will be there, too!  I believe that officially makes me the Gummo of this particular group, but I don’t mind.  I will be cross-posting the same silly stuff here and there.  Posting will probably start Tuesday!  I still can’t believe she asked me!

Here is The Anchoress’ lovely introduction of Danielle, Sally, and me.

  • J Harvey

    Are you Gummo because:

    1. You are the only one who has served in an army?

    2. Because of your business savvy?

    3. Or because you wear rubber shoes to cover your other shoes?

    • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/simchafisher Simcha Fisher

      Oh, come on, I have to MEAN something now?

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  • Devra

    Wow, First Things! Now you’ll be as rich and famous as your writing deserves!

    • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/simchafisher Simcha Fisher

      Yes, I’ll have to ask Mark Shea where he buys his gold Cadillacs!

  • http://www.bettybeguiles.com Hallie Lord

    Congratulations!!! Who knew the Anchoress had such good taste? ;)

  • http://mostuncapto.blogspot.com Emily G

    Simcha, I just want to say thanks for answering my question-when you posted your poem I commented and asked how you find what search terms bring up your blog. You answered so graciously, but (3rd trimester brain!) I forgot I commented and never came back to see until today’s post reminded me.

    Congrats on getting invited to guest post!

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  • http://smartphonedeal.net smart phone deal

    “Spirit is the real and eternal; matter is unreal and material.”


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