I Have to Sit Down
Simcha Fisher’s Blog
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Ehhhh, this one got a little personal so I’m going to go and hide now.
It’s not crazy to hear the voice of God and know who He is….. He doesn’t sound like anyone else! (I’ve heard him clearly 3 times in my life–always over much more mundane things, but clearly. Especially when I’m neglecting key parts of my vocation that I find… dull. Like kitchen floors.)
On the other hand, a Jesuit once reminded me that the Devil often speaks to us in our OWN voice. So the voice a depressed person hears telling them how worthless and horrible they are and how God made a mistake and they don’t deserve to live? Even if it sounds like it’s your own voice talking, it’s not really you.
Which is why a helpful life strategy is to tag certain thoughts as “patently stupid” and ignore them. When it’s God, He won’t be ignored and He doesn’t sound like you.
I was a member of a charismatic youth group at about this same time, in Manchester NH in fact. I also found it tacky and awkward and that I didn’t really belong there but I, too, found healing and grace and strength at a time I needed it and hadn’t found it anywhere else.
Thank you for getting personal. It is such a blessing to hear others’ stories of overcoming depression. I am still on the climb up and out.
I have had a moment much like that, and I could use the sound of that voice right now. Thanks for reminding me that waiting is part of the process, and that help is coming…
I’ve heard the voice of God twice. Once, when I was in an unsustainable relationship, living in a place that was all wrong for me—spiritually, economically, geographically–I heard Him teling me, “You have to get out of here.” And i know what you mean, the voice is not yours, the one you use to talk to yourself.
The second time was when I saw a picture of my future husband–we had just met over the Internet back in the pre-Facebook days, and he’d emailed a picture of himself to me. I had had a coworker print the pic out for me and put it in a folder, and I didn’t look at it until I was at a bookstore, curled into a quiet corner. I looked at his picture and God said, “This is the man you’re to marry.” It was the same voice I’d heard back when I was in the Bad Place.
You don’t argue with God. We got married the next year and have been married for 11 years, with four blessings.
Just beautiful. That’s all…
I wish I could hear His voice. I need it right now, but I’ll wait, I’ll just keep waiting.
Don’t go. I could all but hear His Voice. Thank you for a glimmer of light.
“If you have ever lived inside a black hole, if you have moved about the world enclosed in a dome of sound proof glass, with no voices but your own voice, which you hate above all other sounds in the world; if you have felt so bad for so long that you don’t even want life to get better, you just want it to be over—then you will understand that it was very, very good to hear this voice.”
I didn’t understand the first time I read it, but I kept coming back to that paragraph because your description there gets it perfectly.
Then I remembered: He said the words I needed to hear. And they will never touch me again the way they did in that moment. And they will never touch anyone else quite the way they did me in that moment.
So, yes. I know what it’s like to have that voice shatter your soundproof glass bubble.
Mom of three–if you see this, I would love to get in touch with you. One of my daughters is in that place you were, and I would love some insights. Anything!
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