Seven Quick Reasons the author of SGNFP is one classy dame

–1–

When I first submitted the ebook manuscript to Amazon, I got this message:

The book “The Sinner’s Guide to Natural Family Planning” you recently submitted to KDP has possible spelling errors in your converted file. Consider correcting these and resubmitting.

Here are the errors we recommend you address by correcting your manuscript:

judgey
providentialism
caritas
intercoursal
coitalicious 

That advice, I did not take.

 

–2–

If you order it new, full price, from Amazon, Barnes and Noble, or from the publisher, you can get it for under $10.  But if you are really into taking advantage of those special financing offers, you might want to snap up this deal:

My cart is eligible! I feel so privileged.

 

–3–

At no point in any part of this book do I suggest that a typical example of someone who has a legitimate reason to avoid pregnancy is someone who is in a concentration camp.

–4–

The Sinner’s Guide to Natural Family Planning was written by someone who feels comfortable quoting Pope Pius XII’s Address to Italian Midwives, and then backing it up with a picture of thumbs-up Garfield.  New Evangelization FTW!*  Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

–5–

If you read it, you will become qualified to weigh in on the debate of the century:  who sounds more uncomfortable?  The priest interviewer trying to delicately ask why a woman who had nine children in sixteen years is qualified to speak about family planning?  Or me, trying to answer that question while ignoring the child wailing, “Mamaaaaaaa, Boomer frew up on the tweadmiwwwwwwwwww!” outside the bedroom door?

 

–6–

Unlike the cover of the Kindle version, the cover of the print version no longer includes sideboob, such as this:

Instead, it includes a lock of hair the exact shape of sideboob, like this:

 

Simcha Fisher in print:  now a classy dame.

 

–7–

Alice von Hildebrand

A v H before reading SGNFP

read it and said it changed her forever

A v H after reading SGNFP

 

Simcha Fisher:  no longer a classy dame.

 

*For the Whatever

 ****

 

 Much classier dames at  Conversion Diary! Check it out.

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  • CS

    PLEEEEASE tell me that #7 is true…

  • Jennifer Hartline

    I like side boob better.

  • http://www.geeklady.wordpress.com/ GeekLady

    Art really does suffer when it goes commercial! Does this make my side boob pint glasses collectors edition?

    • simchafisher

      Absolutely! I think you’ll find any fair market would value them at at least $999.11 for the set.

  • ImTim

    It’s a great book, with or without the sideboob.

    I’ve been married a year, we just had a baby a few months ago, and the while my lovely wife and I are postponing before our next, the Rosy NFP picture doesn’t match our reality. My wife and I were very happy to see someone else who recognizes NFP for what it is, a Godly sacrifice.

    • http://www.geeklady.wordpress.com/ GeekLady

      The whole postpartum period is a big sick joke, isn’t it? When we had our first baby I thought something was wrong with me because of how patchily my fertility returned. I scoured PubMed for days looking for any scrap of information on what normal, no BC fertility return should look like, frequency-wise. That and how your hair will fall out all of a sudden are the two postpartum things no one bothers to tell you.

      • anna lisa

        I call it “the conspiracy of silence”.

        • http://www.geeklady.wordpress.com/ GeekLady

          That isn’t near punny enough. Give me a little.

          • anna lisa

            I really, honestly, seriously called it that to everyone and anyone who would listen. I practically grabbed my OB by his lab coat lapels to demand information, but that was back when I was polite. I remember one hideously awkward moment after my first six week post partum visit when I was given a brief lecture and was handed something called “Astroglide”. I was even more shell shocked by then, and no longer had enough fight in me to confront him. The hair loss set in several months later. By then I was speechless. There were no funny blogs to commiserate with other women about it because there was no internet. We weren’t too cheap to pay for it or to go to a Starbucks to poach it, it (they) just hadn’t been invented yet. Which reminds me–today is my 48th birthday. I’ll have seven of my sassy kids in attendance, and won’t dare speak of how shocking it all is with them because I might never get grandchildren out of this deal. Heh.

          • Eileen

            Hah! You’ve become part of the conspiracy!

          • anna lisa

            I’m trying Eileen. I’m trying. But I’m afraid that several of them witnessed far too much.
            We used to live next to some very dedicated, anti marriage new age nudist yuppies. The guy-yuppie had a nephew in my son John Paul’s class. His Mom casually mentioned to me one day that we had cured her brother of any inclination he might have ever had to have children. I shouldn’t feel so smug about that.

          • anna lisa

            Haha. I can explain that. I’d already had a glass (our fish- bowl goblets) of wine when I wrote it. What a shameful lightweight! It might have come out slurred but it was all true.

  • Suzanne Andrews

    I’m recommending it to my friends who have kids getting married this year, even without side boob.

  • Tom

    Obligatory Garfield Minus Garfield: http://garfieldminusgarfield.net/

  • bob cratchit

    We received our 6 copies. One for our son who is engaged, one possibly for a young woman we know who already practices NFP according to goddess, one for our priest and a few for waxing evangelizing

  • Laura Rydberg

    FINALLY ordered mine yesterday! Sorry about the demise of the side boob but overjoyed it has been resurrected in a much snarkier way.

  • LisaTwaronite

    While there’s probably a greater chance that I will choose to practice Satanism than NFP myself, I’m reading it right now, and enjoying it greatly. It offers a frank, compelling and often hilarious look inside someone else’s way of life.

  • Heather

    Soooooo, this means that someone in a concentration camp does NOT have a legitimate reason to avoid pregnancy?

    /troll

  • perpper

    I want my hair to grow fast, too. What is your secret?

  • Andrea

    Such a good book. I am through 2/3 of it. I think I will order more to have on hand for wedding gifts.

  • mithril1971

    THANK YOU! I needed #7 so, so badly today.


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