7 Quick Takes: “Pearls Before Swine” Edition

Seven Quick Takes:"Pearls Before Swine" EditionIn choosing movies, my kids have more or less beaten me down.  Of course I don't let them watch just anything they want, because, obviously, some things are harmful or inappropriate in themselves; and some things are just so dang stupid, they do damage to immature aesthetic organs.On the other hand, it's so unpleasant to spend an evening shushing and chastising sulky kids while they ruin a perfectly good movie.  And all they remember about t … [Read more...]

I am wearing pants.

Hi, I'm the Jerk. I'm allowed to write movie reviews on Simcha's blog once a week under two conditions. One: I keep the language clean. Two: I have to wear pants when I write. (Somehow, she can tell.)I know, some of you were made SAD by my review of Yentl. I know some of you thought I should probably go to the beach for a STAYCATION, and maybe cool it for a while. I even know some of you,...thought I should,...stop writing,... altogether,...And you know, I was gonna ditch the whole thing … [Read more...]

I’ll just say it for you: AWESOME!

Since as many as two of my readers have asked for pictures of my van (which I described here), here are some pictures of my van:You know what, I think one picture is enough.  You get the general idea.  Contain your jealousy!  If anyone deserves to tool around rural southern New Hampshire in a vehicle this awesome, it's me.As you will see, it is an intimidating vehicle, weighing in at two-and-a-half tons of pure kid-schlepping menace.  If you are unlucky enough to find yourself stu … [Read more...]

Why we’re dropping out of home school

A couple of people have asked why we're not home schooling any more.  We will be, a little bit -- my six-year-old son will be at home for first grade, and my four-year-old daughter keeps handing me notes composed of random letters, in a pathetic plea to be taught how to read and write.And of course we'll keep our feral three-year-old, whom no school can hold, and the smartest baby in the world (16 months old), who is not only putting together two- and three-word sentences, she can say "Come … [Read more...]

That poem

Dear everyone,Well, I did it again.  I thought the joke was really obvious, but it turns out that it was just me being a big weirdo again.  I hope no one was offended, disgusted, or, you know, weirded out.  The poem in this morning's post was made up of search terms for my blog.  Each line was an exact quote of a phrase that someone entered into a search engine, and then ended up at my blog."Hallie Lord the jerk," for instance, is not a statement of opinion -- it's just a sad sta … [Read more...]

Poetry Monday – UPDATED

Hamburger Washer Sleep Blog, Or:Will Okra Slime Hurt Me?. . .Mad JesusLaughing Jesuspeople chokingJew site.Snappy kid talkWhat is spillcockbaby powder help with lice.I have sitI must sit downHa ha suckerstoilets blog.Mark Shea butter footballbaby shower old wise tales.How to wet sitting downSit down jokeI need sit down.frog brotherspasty vampiresHallie Lord the jerk. . .Dear everyone,Well, I did it again.  I thought the joke … [Read more...]

The blessings keep rolling in.

So I was sitting there, refusing to get up.  My six-year-old wanted a glass instead of a cup, the eight-year-old kept doing his evil laugh even though it makes him throw up, and the four-year-old wanted to tell me a story about how first, see, she forgot to flush, but then she suddenly remembered to flush, but then. . .And remember, I have five other kids, too.My husband is back at work after eight months of unemployment (and may I say:  heckova job, Barry), and I miss him.  It's not ju … [Read more...]