The day I bought steak with my food stamps

ArgentinaSteak

I cried every night, the week before I finally applied for food stamps. I was so ashamed. Food stamps are for losers, people who make stupid, irresponsible choices, people who want to live a life of luxury while other people work hard to pick up the slack. This I knew.We were homeschooling, because the schools in our town were wretched. We were in that town because we were renting a house from my brother-in-law, because we had been evicted from our previous apartment, because the landlord … [Read more...]

Love isn’t supposed to be efficient.

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Jesus died for everybody, true. But He also died for each of us, specifically, individually, lovingly. Inefficiently. He would have died just for me. Why, I do not know. But I know it wasn't just poetic license when God says that the hairs on my head are counted. Salvation is not some kind of corporate endeavor for maximum efficiency. It's not efficient, and, thank God, it's not fairRead the rest on the Register. ***Image: By Hans Memling (c. 1430-1494) [Public domain], via Wik … [Read more...]

Let’s play “What Didn’t I Notice Sticking to My Ass Today?”

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In yesterday's thrilling installment, a desperate woman stopped on the way home from school, left the kids in the car, and dashed into Walmart to buy a pair of jeans without even trying them on, because they couldn't possibly fit worse than what she had on already.She drove home, dropped off the kids, threw on the jeans, ripped off the tags, and went back out to pick up the other kids from catechism, pausing only to wonder why that one dad in the church basement suddenly seemed kind of … [Read more...]

Ten pleasures that Gwyneth Paltrow will never know

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2. The invisible, celebratory fireworks that explode in your head when the credit card machine says, "APPROVED." Read the rest at the Register.  Image via Wikimedia Commons … [Read more...]

Skirt season is chafing season. What’s a meaty girl to do?

bandalettes

One year, deep in the throes of some emotional complex about femininity, I wore dresses all summer. At the time, I had no car, and walked several miles a day. At the time, I also had (and still have) a rather meaty physique.  That, plus heat and humidity, plus all the walking, equaled one of the most foul, painful chronic rashes I have ever seen or suffered. Just horrible.But they are making such nice dresses these days! What to do?  I was so pleased to discover that I'm not some kind of e … [Read more...]

Salon Christianity Secrets: The Fine Art of Doing Zero Research

The Harrowing of WHAT, NOW?

The Salon piece is a prime example of the fine art of doing zero research. To craft this kind of essay, you start out knowing nothing about something, and assume that the only explanation is that either (a) there is nothing to know, because religious people are stoopid or (b) there is plenty to know, and it's SUPER SCANDALOUS, but religious people would rather not talk about it, because religious people are stoopid. Read the rest at the Register.  *** Image via Wikimedia Commons   … [Read more...]

USPS accidentally creates brilliant tribute to the mediocrity of Maya Angleou

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Maya Angelou  has been dead long enough. As someone who still owes money on my student loan for my BA in literature with a concentration in lyrical poetry, I declare it fine to make fun of her now. Here we go: On Tuesday, the USPS unveiled a limited-edition stamp intended to honor the late poet Maya Angelou, featuring her beaming smile and a choice quotation to fill the frame. "A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer," reads the stamp, "it sings because it has a song."  The only … [Read more...]


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