10 Things I Had Mercifully Forgotten About the Third Trimester of Pregnancy

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 1. You may know where the baby is going to come out, but your joints aren't sure. So they alllllll relax, all over your body, just in case you need to prepare for, for instance, a mandibular delivery. On the up side, the spectacle of you trying to get out of a car with your useless, floppy puppet legs is hilarious, and will win you many admirers. Among jerks.2. Doesn't matter if it's a penny, a pork chop, or the last existing original copy of the Declaration of Independence wrapped … [Read more...]

How to tell if you’re in the third trimester

i'm so tired

If you're new at being pregnant -- if this, for instance, only your sixth or seventh child -- you probably know how many weeks along you are.  You will be able to recite exactly which fetal neurodendons are likely being formed at this moment, and can calculate to the minute how far away your due date is.If this is, however, your ninth pregnancy or beyond, you take the longer view:  all you can really be sure about is whether or not your water has broken yet.  Not  yet?  Okay, then you gotta m … [Read more...]

Are WHO and UNICEF secretly sterilizing Kenyan women with a tetanus vaccine? Maybe, but probably not.

Last week, the bishops of Kenya accused the WHO and UNICEF of secretly lacing a tetanus vaccine with a hormone intended to induce miscarriage and sterility in Kenyan women of childbearing age, in an effort to reduce the population. The bishops issued a press release, saying: [W]e shall not waver in calling upon all Kenyans to avoid the tetanus vaccination campaign laced with Beta-HCG, because we are convinced that  it is indeed a disguised population control programme. We do know that the WHO a … [Read more...]

The Splat Life

wrong-trousers-med

PIC Wallace on train  The train is whizzing out of control, and he can't get off, slow down, or change course. In desperation, Gromit snatches a box of spare tracks and frantically lays them on the floor ahead, just split seconds before the train he's on thunders over them. This is more or less what it's like to raise a child. Yes, you have to work frantically to stay ahead of that train; but no, you're not exactly in control. Read the rest at the Register.  … [Read more...]

Believe it or not, having ten kids changes you.

Baby #1: Uh oh, I think the jelly I had on my toast yesterday might have had some GMOs in it. I better call my midwife ... if I can get myself to admit to her what I did. I wonder if she will want to run some tests to make sure everything is still okay. No, wait, tests are bad, too! Oh, I've ruined everything, I've ruined the baby, and I haven't even given birth yet! Baby #10: Someone call your father and tell him we are out of wine.Read the rest at the Register.    … [Read more...]

The Case for Siblings: Why Having a Baby Is Good for Your Other Kids

[This post originally ran at Faith and Family Live in 2010, when I was pregnant with #8. I'm on my way to Virginia for the Summer Soiree at Mary's Shelter! If you have a prayer to spare, maybe send up one that my ears don't get too plugged up on the plane? It's hard to talk into a microphone when your ears are plugged up! Usually I take Sudafed, but this is a no go for this stage of the pregnancy. And also please pray that I don't cry on stage for any reason. I don't even know why I would, but p … [Read more...]

Advice for mom who is unexpectedly expecting?

A reader writes: Dear Simcha, do you have any reading material suggestions (in print or online) for me?  I have an adorable 8 month old and just found out I am unexpectedly expecting another one!  I intellectually know this is a blessing but yet could use some encouragement about how to overcome the panic? My answer: First of all, congratulations on your pregnancy, AND don't feel like you have to Feel the Right Thing right away. I always figure it takes nine months to get used to the idea of b … [Read more...]


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