TF: 788,400 moments so dear

Tribulation Force, pp. 398-399

Buck and Tsion Ben-Judah arrive at Tsion’s home where the former rabbi’s nameless wife wails, “Our lives are ruined!”

That’s technically true. Tsion’s broadcast will certainly entail some big changes in the Ben-Judah household. He worked for decades to establish a position as a distinguished scholar and a respected figure within Judaism and he just left all that behind him, burning his bridges with a very public rejection of both Judaism and scholarship.

But Mrs. Ben-Judah also seems to be overlooking the more urgent part of her husband’s message, i.e., the world is ending. The next seven years will be a nonstop stream of death and destruction, an evil madman will rule the whole earth with an iron hand, and then, precisely seven years from today, God will destroy everything in an orgy of wrath.

So yes, it marks a change in their life that her husband will no longer have a place of honor in the faculty dining room, but that faculty dining room — along with the faculty, the university, the city, the nation and everything else she has ever seen, everywhere else she has ever been or heard of or read about — will be gone in six years, 364 1/2 days anyway, with the intervening time marked by earthquakes, hail, demon locusts, famine and oceans of blood.

That kind of puts Tsion’s loss of tenure into perspective.

The phone rings. It’s Elijah. All those years they’ve been setting a place for him at the Seder and he never once showed up, but now he’s calling the house. I guess being on television really does change things.

Tsion answered the phone and motioned for Buck to pick up the extension in the other room.

Tsion Ben-Judah just became Buck Williams’ favorite person in the whole world. Share your telephone with Buck and you’ve got a friend for life.

“This is Eli. I spoke to you last night.”

“Of course! How did you get my number?”

Again, “How did you get my number?” is a legitimate question, but perhaps not the first thing most of us would ask when a biblical figure from the Iron Age calls. But then Tsion is probably nervous and a bit frightened. He was just on TV describing Daniel as “the greatest of all Hebrew prophets,” then his phone rings and he finds out that Elijah and Moses want to have a word with him. Oh, and they can breathe fire. I’d be scared too.

Elijah says he called the number Tsion gave out on the TV and the student who answered gave him Tsion’s home number. “Somehow I convinced her who I was.”

I can’t help but wonder what that means. Did he “somehow” convince her that he was, indeed, the prophet Elijah, returned in the flesh nearly 3,000 years after the sweet chariot swung low for to carry him home? Or did he simply convince her that he was one of the anonymous fire-breathing street preachers from the Western Wall? Either way, that was surely an interesting conversation and one I’m sorry we readers didn’t get to hear.

“I rejoice with you, Tsion my brother, in the fellowship of Jesus Christ. Many have received him under our preaching here in Jerusalem. …”

The authors have decided to try to make Elijah sound authentically “biblical” by having him talk like the King James translations of the formal introductory parts of Paul’s epistles. Elijah didn’t talk like that. Even Paul didn’t talk like that. Just because he wrote formal salutations in his letters doesn’t mean he went around shaking hands with people and introducing himself in person that way:

“Hi, I’m Paul, a servant of Jesus Christ, called to be an apostle, set apart for the gospel of God, which he promised beforehand through his prophets in the holy scriptures, the gospel concerning his Son, who was descended from David according to the flesh and was declared to be Son of God with power according to the spirit of holiness by resurrection from the dead, Jesus Christ our Lord, through whom we have received grace and apostleship to bring about the obedience of faith among all the Gentiles for the sake of his name, including yourselves who are called to belong to Jesus Christ, grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.”

“I’m sorry, ‘Paul’ was it?”

“Yes, Paul, a servant of Jesus Christ, called to be an apostle, set apart for …”

“Good to meet you, Paul, I’m Bob. From accounting.”

The character of Elijah in this story apparently watches TV and knows how to use a telephone. There’s really no need for him to sound like the NKJV.

I also don’t want to read too much into a single preposition, but you may be wondering why someone would say “under our preaching,” rather than the more normal-sounding “through our preaching.” I suspect that if you attended Tim LaHaye’s church then the peculiar choice of that word would make more sense. In some circles it’s a common idiomatic reminder of who is expected to “submit” to whom. I have many friends and acquaintances who speak this way, sometimes telling me of what they’ve learned “under” their pastor’s teaching and never quite recognizing that the biggest thing they’re learning might be who is “under” whom.

Elijah and Moses have apparently outgrown the venue of the Western Wall courtyard and they’re looking to begin their stadium tour.

“We have arranged for a meeting of new believers in Teddy Kollek Stadium. Would you come and address us?”

“Frankly, brother Eli, I fear for the safety of my family and myself.”

“Have no fear. Moishe and I will make clear that anyone who threatens harm to you will answer to us. And I think our record is plain on that account.”

Don’t worry, Tsion, Elijah is saying, you’re a made man — anybody threatens you and I’ll go all Mount Carmel on him.

Even without the fire-breathing, that’s a pretty serious threat coming from Elijah. And if anything, Moses is even scarier. This is plagues-of-Egypt Moses, we’re talking about here. Red Sea Moses. Just ask Korah, Dathan and Abiram if Moses is someone you want to mess with. Oh, wait, you can’t ask Korah, Dathan and Abiram because “the earth opened its mouth and swallowed them up … so they … went down alive into Sheol and the earth closed over them.” As Proposition Joe would say, that guy has more bodies on him than a Chinese cemetery.

So I buy that “Eli’s” threat is a credible one, but hearing him talk all gangster like that gives me this incongruous mental image of two bearded old men in sackcloth and aviator shades.

Thus we come to the end of Chapter 17 and the action seems to be picking up a little bit. Buck is set to accompany Tsion on his stadium evangelism tour, and Rayford is about to land in New Babylon to witness the construction of Nicolae Carpathia’s equivalent of the Death Star. It’s refreshing, after nearly 400 pages of aimless flights and phone calls, to turn to the next chapter with the sense that, finally, something may be about to happen.

And here, instead, is what one finds on the next page, page 399 of a 450-page book, the first words of Chapter 18:

Eighteen months later.

Didn’t see that coming.

On the positive side, this story had been mired down in a whole lot of nothing for hundreds of pages and it clearly needed something to jolt it back to life. Flashback can also be a powerful narrative device, and one could even argue that the episodic story that LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins are trying to tell here is particularly suited to being told in that way.

It’s almost as though 90 percent of the way through typing this book Jenkins suddenly realized that and, after spending 400 pages slogging through every commute, meal and phone call, he decided that telling this story through the characters’ memories would be a way to focus mainly on what was actually memorable. But then, being the lazy novelist that he is, he didn’t go back and rewrite those 400 pages, he just abruptly lurched ahead 18 months to allow for a different narrative approach in the last 50 pages.

This spasm of a time-skip is incredibly jarring for the reader. We have just finished reading about the day of the big treaty signing — the event that starts the final countdown ticking. According to the rules of this story, the universe has exactly seven years remaining. And then, suddenly on the next page — “Eighteen months later” — the universe has exactly five and a half years remaining.

Here on page 399 we can’t yet know whether this jarring shift in Jenkins’ approach to telling this story will turn out to be a good thing or a bad thing. On the one hand, the approach he’s taken up until this point has not worked at all, so we can figure that any change in that approach — even one executed as artlessly and clumsily as this one — is bound to be an improvement. But then on the other hand, that belief is based on the assumption that these books couldn’t possibly get any worse, and after more than 800 pages of this series we’ve come to realize that this is never a safe assumption.

As we’ll see in the pages ahead, this leap forward in time doesn’t lead to a series of vivid flashbacks, but mainly to a series of dull conversations in which characters tell us second-hand and past-tense about key scenes that we will never get to see for ourselves.

But on the positive side, again, at least we’re spared 18 months of cab rides, cookies and phone calls. For that much I’m grateful.

  • http://twitter.com/FearlessSon FearlessSon

    Hmm, there was some molten gold jewelry left after they torched Ayee. So maybe the prophets get money from looting their kills, like MMORPG’ers and other amoral sociopaths have done since the beginning of history. Then they head to their local former Blockbuster Video, which is now a Cash-4-Gold outlet, and exchange their haul for regular currency which they use to rent public venues. It’s so obvious when you think about it!

    I bet they take umbridge when one of their assailants drops nothing but vendor trash. 

  • Rikalous

    Finally, in a humble, weak voice, Nicolae croaked, “You are the Christ,
    the Son of the Living God, who died for the sins of the world and rose
    again the third day as the Scriptures predicted.”

    I’m betting Nicky was being controlled by Robojesus at this point, because I cannot imagine anyone, knowing they’re about to be cast into eternal conscious torment anyway, not mustering some last defiance against Zod the baby-killer.

  • Tonio

    Why does that scene from Glorious Appearing remind me of the two jocks from Heathers humiliating the nerds?

    I loved your Zod reference. I’m reminded of the Elseworlds comic Speeding Bullets where Kal-El is raised by the Waynes and becomes a psychopathic version of Batman. That world’s Lois Lane describes Batman as a child’s revenge fantasy, terrorizing criminals as proxies for the man who killed his parents. This scene here isn’t about evil being vanquished, it’s about power and submission, leading me to speculate that it’s a proxy revenge by the authors. The fact that Ellanjay’s Jesus acts like a brutal dictator shows what their mentality is like.

  • http://lightupmy.wordpress.com Jessica

    Tsion Ben-Judah just became Buck Williams’ favorite person in the whole
    world. Share your telephone with Buck and you’ve got a friend for life.

    That was the line that made me LOL.  Nice!

  • Anonymous

    The fact that Ellanjay’s Jesus acts like a brutal dictator shows what their mentality is like.
     
    The Jesus of Left Behind may act like a brutal dictator, but he is <very sad that he has been forced to act like a brutal dictator.
     

    <Michael led the five [Leon, Nicky, and three of his demonic servants] in front of Jesus, and Mac was struck by His countenance. He detected righteous anger, of course, but also what appeared to be disappointment, even sadness. There was no gloating.

    "We repent! We will turn! We will turn! We worship You, O Jesus, Son of God. You are Lord!"
    "But for you it is too late," Jesus said, and Mac was hit by the sorrow in His tone… "Like My Father, with whom I am one, I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but that is justice, and that is your sentence."

    Jesus shook His head and Mac saw a great sadness in His face.  "You [Leon] are responsible for the fate of billions…"

    The Lord nodded sadly, and without hesitation, Michael briskly walked the two to the edge of the hole.

    With anger and yet sadness, He said [to the millions of condemned souls desperately pleading for mercy], “Depart from me, you cursed, into the everlasting fire prepared for the devil and his angels: for I was hungry and you gave Me no food; I was thirsty and you gave Me no drink; I was a stranger and you did not take Me in, naked andyou did not clothe Me, sick and in prison and you did not visit Me.”

  • Rikalous

    “Like My Father, with whom I am one, I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but that is justice, and that is your sentence.”

    I notice he doesn’t say anything about the torture that will be continuing for a longer time than human minds can really process. Oh, and the “he only smites them because he cares” thing is still sickening.

  • https://profiles.google.com/ravanan101 Ravanan

    E: Hey Moishe, wanna do a 2-man raid against the Anti-Christ’s 4th Prince?

    M: Isn’t that a 100-man raid?

    E: Eh, we have GM access privileges and hacked gear. We can take it.

    *after quickly finishing the raid*

    E: Dammit, he didn’t drop the mount.

    M: What mount?

    E: Don’t you remember? God said for these 7 years only, there was an exclusive 10-headed beast mount that’s a rare drop of all the Anti-Christ’s Princes.

    M: Sweet. Why don’t we go back in then?

    E: COME ON, RESPAWN ALREADY!

  • Anonymous

    Man, God’s not omnipotent.  God’s not even “selfpotent.”

  • Anonymous

    Man, God’s not omnipotent.  God’s not even “selfpotent.”

    What’s funny is that the same Christian theologians who insist that God can’t just forgive someone (even if He wants to) without the shedding of innocent blood … then turn around and, without blinking, tell me that Jews ”limit” God’s omnipotence when we reject the idea that He can become a human being.

  • http://twitter.com/FearlessSon FearlessSon

    “Depart from me, you cursed, into the everlasting fire prepared for the devil and his angels: for I was hungry and you gave Me no food; I was thirsty and you gave Me no drink; I was a stranger and you did not take Me in, naked and you did not clothe Me, sick and in prison and you did not visit Me.”

    And yet the Tribulation Force are some of the most selfish characters in this series.  There is a dissonance here I find difficult to reconcile.

  • hf

    Seems pretty straightforward. Insofar as this series reveals their thoughts at all, it says they have no concept of an accurate belief about reality. ‘Correct belief,’ to them, means an approved set of words to parrot back. Intellectualism seems to them like a poor copy of this, so it must entail reading an atlas in nine languages. They literally have no concept of facts fitting together.

  • hf

    If you’re thinking of the part where Elijah calls down fire from heaven to consume his sacrifice, I should mention that the sweet little old Orthodox rabbi who taught me that story pointed out that he thinks there’s something suspicious going on with the sloshing of ‘water’ over the offering–specifically, something odd going on in a region that is not without crude oil

    Frankly, a lot of the Hebrew Bible seems to me like a celebration of clever deception. King David acts like Marlon Brando’s Godfather. Solomon’s most famous act involved tricking two mothers. Old man Israel got his brother to sell his birthright, then tricked Isaac into confirming it. Abraham lies just to keep in practice. And then we have Joseph the slaver, who (according to my translator) jokes about his fellow prisoner’s beheading. “Your head will be lifted up…from you!” Here’s some hope for you – nope, too slow!

    Again, a lot of this probably comes from stitching together stories with different purposes and morals. (Though the Redactor seems like a person who’d appreciate a good deception, if he really included all the best-loved parts of the J Text while concealing its view of the God of Israel.) The J Text tells a better story, about a clever young boy-deity who creates some brilliant work, but makes a lot of mistakes and can’t protect his creations from older gods (or try to do so) until he matures somewhat.

    As someone who was never part of the Christian community, this was always something that bothered me about the Abrahamic narrative.  There is never really anything at stake for God.  The devil already lost one battle against God, and it sounds like it wasn’t even close.

    This seems like a closely related problem. At least Tolkien’s work, which of course shows a more consistent vision, has the storyteller-God Iluvatar give mortals the power to accomplish anything they seek. By implication every battle needs mortals on both sides or the Satan-figure will win just by virtue of having corrupted some mortals to his service. Even the other Powers of the world lack the authority to stop an invasion of people trying to ‘seize their immortality’ — they need to call Iluvatar for a ruling on that issue.

    chris the cynic said: I think that the best way to explain the situation of Satan in a story such as this, barring an second prophecy with a different ending (or, you know, attempts to not fulfill the prophecies), is to assume that the situation represents a Nash equilibrium.  Or something similar to a Nash equilibrium.

    Ten points to Ravenclaw!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Patrick-McGraw/100001988854074 Patrick McGraw

    I have actually seen the argument made that “the least of these” refers to Christians, and that “all the nations” means everybody else. Thus, the parable does not say that everyone will be judged on their behavior towards everyone else, but that non-Christians will be judged on their behavior toward Christians.

    If ever I have seen an example of someone being an anti-Christ, it was there.

  • ako

    And Jeph Loeb has said that Superman’s real weakness is his heart, he cares too much.

    Theoretically, Christianity is also supposed to involve a prominent figure who is not only extremely powerful, but extremely compassionate and ready to face risks, danger and suffering for people in need (including people who many would consider unworthy and not fit company for decent people).   A good writer should be able to do something with that.  A halfway-competent hack would make it a noticeable trait.  Ellenjay can’t seem to see how that would mean anything more than “He makes a sadface while forcing people into eternal torture!  That’s compassionate!”

  • ako

    I’ve heard that argument, and it tends to surprise me with the nakedness of it.  It’s effectively saying “I don’t think compassion is an important moral principle in general – what matters is that everyone not on Team Christianity will be punished for not being nice enough to the people on Team Christianity.  So therefore it’s not important if I screw you over, but you’d better not cross me or I’ll have my God stomp you.”  There’s no actual morality in there at all.

  • http://redwoodr.tumblr.com Redwood Rhiadra

     Remember, RTCs don’t believe in an actual morality. Morality is what TurboJesus says is moral. To suggest that morality exists independently of TurboJesus is, to an RTC, heresy.

  • ako

    Yeah, it’s confusing when people simultaneously claim moral superiority and openly display their complete lack of morals.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Patrick-McGraw/100001988854074 Patrick McGraw

    So basically, the Phoenix Clan from Legend of the Five Rings.

  • http://twitter.com/FearlessSon FearlessSon

    Yeah, it’s confusing when people simultaneously claim moral superiority and openly display their complete lack of morals.

    Maybe that is why people like Newt Gingrich can find political purchase there.  We often see a lot of pundits on the political right condemn a public figure who does not meet their standard of morality, while simultaneously forgiving the transgressions of those “in the camp.”  Their sense of morality is very sect-centric. 

  • Bificommander

    As discusting and self-centered as that interpetation is, I have to wonder even from an RTC perspective: Aren’t all non-RTCs damned to torment already just for not being RTCs? What is this extra judgment supposed to do? Oh, you talked back to the RTC that tried to hand you a tract? Well I sentence you to Hell! No wait, I already did that. Ehm, I increase your sentence duration. Oh wait, it was already eternal. Uhm… I guess we can try to make the lake of fire a bit hotter in your area…