My Ween it has a first name, it's J-E-S-U-S

This is a terrible idea: the Jesus Ween Project (via).

As in turning “Halloween” into “Jesus-ween.” “Ween” is not a suffix, but this is the least of my objections.

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That’s right, they want Christians to give out Bibles and devotional books instead of candy to trick-or-treaters.

Remember being 11 years old and going door to door collecting candy? Now imagine that instead of candy, someone gives you a Bible. Or a copy of Our Daily Bread.*

Honestly, don’t these people have children? Haven’t they ever at least met children? What would possibly make anyone think that this bait-and-switch will be well received?

“Jesus Ween” organizers say:

Jesus Ween (Oct 31st) is expected to become the most effective Christian outreach day ever and that’s why we also call it “World Evangelism Day”. It’s a day to give out Christian gifts, just as God gave us Jesus.

“World Evangelism Day.” Because trick-or-treating is customary all over the globe.

Is there a dress code for Christians on World Evangelism Day?

I’m glad you asked. Yes, in fact, there is. From Jesus Ween’s Facebook page:

DRESS CODE: On October 31st, every Christian is expected to wear a white top to symbolize Righteousness and the love of God to all mankind. The money normally used to buy costumes can be given to ministries that print christian books to help the unsaved or give such funds to JesusWeen or food bank to help the poor.

Well, OK, the bit about giving to the food bank is nice. Is this part of Jesus Ween’s mission?

According to the “Our Mission” section of their website (and the “Why Join?” section, and the “Participate” section):

Jesus Ween is a non for Profit Organisation also known as JesusWin. We are focused on helping people live a better life. We educate people on how best to relate with non for profit organisations that publish devotionals, daily bread and Bibles. We also focused on helping people feel comfortable with volunteering with institutions that help the poor.Throughout the year and especially from October 31st till November 15th we hold several seminars on various helpful topics.

How does that verse in Matthew 25 go? “I was hungry, and you helped people feel comfortable with volunteering with institutions that fed me.” Something like that.

Anyway, now you know: If you’re approaching a house while trick-or-treating this Halloween and you see the family standing there in white tops to symbolize Righteousness, go ahead and skip that house. They don’t have any candy.

* ODB — not to be confused with founding Wu-Tang Clan member Russell Jones — is a popular devotional publication. It’s kind of like the horoscopes, except no matter when your birthday is you get the same daily platitude as everyone else.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jonathan-Pelikan/100000903137143 Jonathan Pelikan

    So is the grand plan to make sure Christians become notorious for being the least hospitable of people ever? I don’t think that’s going to help them move the product, so to speak.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jonathan-Pelikan/100000903137143 Jonathan Pelikan

    So is the grand plan to make sure Christians become notorious for being the least hospitable of people ever? I don’t think that’s going to help them move the product, so to speak.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Charity-Brighton/100002974813787 Charity Brighton

    I don’t know why I didn’t think of that, but it makes perfect sense!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Charity-Brighton/100002974813787 Charity Brighton

    I don’t know why I didn’t think of that, but it makes perfect sense!

  • Anonymous

    How can demons have only one gender, and still be male?

  • Anonymous

    How can demons have only one gender, and still be male?

  • http://guy-who-reads.blogspot.com/ Mike Timonin

    Too chewy for my taste. And the Nonoxynol makes my tongue go numb.

    Not a problem I’ve noticed – I suspect that one of us is using them wrong…

  • http://guy-who-reads.blogspot.com/ Mike Timonin

    Too chewy for my taste. And the Nonoxynol makes my tongue go numb.

    Not a problem I’ve noticed – I suspect that one of us is using them wrong…

  • Anonymous

    OMG, I have the St. Francis comic! I can’ imagine why.

  • Anonymous

    OMG, I have the St. Francis comic! I can’ imagine why.

  • Anonymous

    If people saying happy holidays instead of merry Christmas is an attack on Christmas, surely this is an attack on Halloween.

    Oh,
    it is. But, to these idiots, an attack on Christmas is an attack on The
    Truth; an attack on Halloween is an attack on “pagan superstition” and a
    valid part of “spiritual warfare.” And so it’s totally different. As
    Fred called it, “rights for me but not for thee.”

    Have you ever thought that some RTCs come up with stuff like this to provoke a negative reaction? And then, when their windows get soaped or some kid says something rude, they get to be all outraged and confirmed in their position as a persecuted and holy minority.

  • Anonymous

    If people saying happy holidays instead of merry Christmas is an attack on Christmas, surely this is an attack on Halloween.

    Oh,
    it is. But, to these idiots, an attack on Christmas is an attack on The
    Truth; an attack on Halloween is an attack on “pagan superstition” and a
    valid part of “spiritual warfare.” And so it’s totally different. As
    Fred called it, “rights for me but not for thee.”

    Have you ever thought that some RTCs come up with stuff like this to provoke a negative reaction? And then, when their windows get soaped or some kid says something rude, they get to be all outraged and confirmed in their position as a persecuted and holy minority.

  • WingedBeast

    That’s probably true.  If someone watches The 700 Club non-ironically, it’s a safe bet that they have the world divided into “with us” and “against us”.

  • WingedBeast

    That’s probably true.  If someone watches The 700 Club non-ironically, it’s a safe bet that they have the world divided into “with us” and “against us”.

  • Indiana Joe

    Am I the only person who pronounces this as, “hey-soos-ween?”

  • Indiana Joe

    Am I the only person who pronounces this as, “hey-soos-ween?”

  • Izzy

      If you’re approaching a house while trick-or-treating this Halloween and you see the family standing there in white tops to symbolize Righteousness, go ahead and skip that house. They don’t have any candy.

    Much as I object to their message, at least these guys provide some warning. The toothbrush/apple/carob-fucking-muffin* crowd poses as normal people. 

    And those people do irritate me. While I like the idea of candy alternatives, they should be *fun* alternatives, as people have mentioned up here, not healthy ones. The whole point of Halloween is the night-outside-the-rules Carnival/Feast of Misrule atmosphere, which our society doesn’t get enough of. You can spread Important Messages the other 364 days a year. 

    *I grew up in California, yes. I am still a trifle bitter, yes. 

  • Izzy

      If you’re approaching a house while trick-or-treating this Halloween and you see the family standing there in white tops to symbolize Righteousness, go ahead and skip that house. They don’t have any candy.

    Much as I object to their message, at least these guys provide some warning. The toothbrush/apple/carob-fucking-muffin* crowd poses as normal people. 

    And those people do irritate me. While I like the idea of candy alternatives, they should be *fun* alternatives, as people have mentioned up here, not healthy ones. The whole point of Halloween is the night-outside-the-rules Carnival/Feast of Misrule atmosphere, which our society doesn’t get enough of. You can spread Important Messages the other 364 days a year. 

    *I grew up in California, yes. I am still a trifle bitter, yes. 

  • http://mistformsquirrel.deviantart.com/ JJohnson

    You have to remember the rest of Rule 34 – “If it does not exist, it will be created.”  I’m not doing it but if someone of the right bent comes across this post >.> I can bet you at least one result down the line.

  • http://mistformsquirrel.deviantart.com/ JJohnson

    You have to remember the rest of Rule 34 – “If it does not exist, it will be created.”  I’m not doing it but if someone of the right bent comes across this post >.> I can bet you at least one result down the line.

  • http://mistformsquirrel.deviantart.com/ JJohnson

    Ya know… that makes a terrible amount of sense.

  • http://mistformsquirrel.deviantart.com/ JJohnson

    Ya know… that makes a terrible amount of sense.

  • Headless Unicorn Guy

    Years ago when he was hosting an afternoon talk show in Los Angeles, Rich Buhler could tell October 1st has rolled around purely by all the Weird Christianese call-ins about “The Devil’s Holiday”.  From October 1st to 31st, every year.

    So, am I the only person who spends enough time on the internet to know that “ween” is another word for penis?

    Many years ago, National Lampoon had a diagram of body parts and the number of funny names used for them.  Guess which male body part had more funny names than the entire rest of the bod?  With so many, any word you can come up with has probably been used as “another word for penis” at some time.

    That’s right, they want Christians to give out Bibles and devotional books instead of candy to trick-or-treaters.

    Remember being 11 years old and going door to door collecting candy? Now imagine that instead of candy, someone gives you a Bible. Or a copy of Our Daily Bread.*

    Or a Jack Chick Tract?  A couple “Jesus-Ween/Harvest Festival/Devil’s Holiday” seasons ago, I remember a Godblogger who reacted to a similar fatwa with “Giving out Chick Tracts on Halloween is grounds for punching the giver hard in the junk.”

    Then there’s always “Trunk or Treat” you see at Christianese Harvest Festivals — “Just like Trick or Treat, Except CHRISTIAN(TM)!”  The best definition of “Trunk or Treat” came from an Internet Monk comment thread years ago:  “Gimme candy or I’ll lock you in this trunk!”

  • Headless Unicorn Guy

    Years ago when he was hosting an afternoon talk show in Los Angeles, Rich Buhler could tell October 1st has rolled around purely by all the Weird Christianese call-ins about “The Devil’s Holiday”.  From October 1st to 31st, every year.

    So, am I the only person who spends enough time on the internet to know that “ween” is another word for penis?

    Many years ago, National Lampoon had a diagram of body parts and the number of funny names used for them.  Guess which male body part had more funny names than the entire rest of the bod?  With so many, any word you can come up with has probably been used as “another word for penis” at some time.

    That’s right, they want Christians to give out Bibles and devotional books instead of candy to trick-or-treaters.

    Remember being 11 years old and going door to door collecting candy? Now imagine that instead of candy, someone gives you a Bible. Or a copy of Our Daily Bread.*

    Or a Jack Chick Tract?  A couple “Jesus-Ween/Harvest Festival/Devil’s Holiday” seasons ago, I remember a Godblogger who reacted to a similar fatwa with “Giving out Chick Tracts on Halloween is grounds for punching the giver hard in the junk.”

    Then there’s always “Trunk or Treat” you see at Christianese Harvest Festivals — “Just like Trick or Treat, Except CHRISTIAN(TM)!”  The best definition of “Trunk or Treat” came from an Internet Monk comment thread years ago:  “Gimme candy or I’ll lock you in this trunk!”

  • Anonymous

    Ooh, I have a zillion odds and ends of polished rocks around (some of them are those horrific dyed agates that people insist on giving me, apparently under the impression that because I’m a rockhound, I must like them). Giving them to kids on Halloween as an alternative to candy is a great way to get rid of some. :)

  • Anonymous

    Ooh, I have a zillion odds and ends of polished rocks around (some of them are those horrific dyed agates that people insist on giving me, apparently under the impression that because I’m a rockhound, I must like them). Giving them to kids on Halloween as an alternative to candy is a great way to get rid of some. :)

  • http://twitter.com/FearlessSon FearlessSon

    I typically spend Halloween by dressing up in my “Helljumper” armor and answering the trick-or-treaters in it.  The kids are usually intimidated, their teenage or adult escorts are usually impressed.  

    So far though no one has been interested in hearing me talk about how Halo’s divine wind will rush through the stars, propelling all who are worthy on the path to salvation.  

    The Great Journey is nigh!  

  • http://twitter.com/FearlessSon FearlessSon

    I typically spend Halloween by dressing up in my “Helljumper” armor and answering the trick-or-treaters in it.  The kids are usually intimidated, their teenage or adult escorts are usually impressed.  

    So far though no one has been interested in hearing me talk about how Halo’s divine wind will rush through the stars, propelling all who are worthy on the path to salvation.  

    The Great Journey is nigh!  

  • Jay in Oregon

    So, you’re saying I shouldn’t spring for the commemorative Jesusween 2011 hoodie?

  • Jay in Oregon

    So, you’re saying I shouldn’t spring for the commemorative Jesusween 2011 hoodie?

  • Anonymous

    “Am I the only person who pronounces this as, “hey-soos-ween?”

    Not anymore, you’re not.

  • Anonymous

    “Am I the only person who pronounces this as, “hey-soos-ween?”

    Not anymore, you’re not.

  • Anonymous

    “Am I the only person who pronounces this as, “hey-soos-ween?”

    Not anymore, you’re not.

  • Amaryllis

    With so many, any word you can come up with has probably been used as “another word for penis” at some time.

    Just for you,Pete Schmuck interviews J.J. Putz
    Disclaimer: I have not read the comments, don’t know how crude they get, but it’s sports fans so read at your own risk.

  • Amaryllis

    With so many, any word you can come up with has probably been used as “another word for penis” at some time.

    Just for you,Pete Schmuck interviews J.J. Putz
    Disclaimer: I have not read the comments, don’t know how crude they get, but it’s sports fans so read at your own risk.

  • Headless Unicorn Guy

    Oh that’s nothing. You should hear about so-called ” real exorcist” Bob Larson who uses what he claims is the Bible to cut off demon dicks during his ” exorcisms”.

    Sure that wasn’t a mistaken-identity riff with Val Venus as reported in Wrestlecrap?

    “I CHOPPY-CHOPPY YOU PEE-PEE!”

     And he actually claims that all demons are male, not female and any female spirit is just a male demon in drag.

    OK, I think I know where he’s coming from.  Dake’s Annotated Bible, whose margin notes (half the total text) claim God and All Angels (including “Spirit Animals” in Heaven) are all MALE.  All.  Been 35 years since I’ve cracked open a Dake’s, but I remember that one because it was so WEIRD.

    But then this guy has a bit of a penis fixation as it is.

    I concur.  Kind of like Mr Garrison in South Park.  (Anyone got a YouTube link for Josie Cotton’s “Johnny Are You Queer?”  Because that’s what starts playing in my head whenever I hear about a fire-and-brimstone preacher with a penis fixation.)

    P.S.  I first heard about Bob Larson in Kooks Magazine.  Where they also mentioned he was Jack Chick’s advisor on Rock and Roll and Backwards Masking (as Alberto Rivera was on the Catholic Church).  Need I say more? 

  • Headless Unicorn Guy

    Oh that’s nothing. You should hear about so-called ” real exorcist” Bob Larson who uses what he claims is the Bible to cut off demon dicks during his ” exorcisms”.

    Sure that wasn’t a mistaken-identity riff with Val Venus as reported in Wrestlecrap?

    “I CHOPPY-CHOPPY YOU PEE-PEE!”

     And he actually claims that all demons are male, not female and any female spirit is just a male demon in drag.

    OK, I think I know where he’s coming from.  Dake’s Annotated Bible, whose margin notes (half the total text) claim God and All Angels (including “Spirit Animals” in Heaven) are all MALE.  All.  Been 35 years since I’ve cracked open a Dake’s, but I remember that one because it was so WEIRD.

    But then this guy has a bit of a penis fixation as it is.

    I concur.  Kind of like Mr Garrison in South Park.  (Anyone got a YouTube link for Josie Cotton’s “Johnny Are You Queer?”  Because that’s what starts playing in my head whenever I hear about a fire-and-brimstone preacher with a penis fixation.)

    P.S.  I first heard about Bob Larson in Kooks Magazine.  Where they also mentioned he was Jack Chick’s advisor on Rock and Roll and Backwards Masking (as Alberto Rivera was on the Catholic Church).  Need I say more? 

  • Headless Unicorn Guy

    I’d even go as far as to say that in terms of *story* – not reality but just plain old entertainment value – the LaHaye and Jenkins style PMD idea of the end of the world is potentially very interesting. I mean you can’t write it like they did – but there’s a TON of possible conflict. Heck the rise of the Antichrist alone could be a massive multi-book political thriller.It’s just… shameful from an artistic perspective that it’s so rarely done justice.

    I agree.  Especially when you factor in the wild & trippy imagery of Revelation.  In one of his Left Behind threads about “The Trip-and-Fall Guys”, Slack (or one of the commenters) made the point that LH&J removed these all these images & elements from LB to make it more “realistic”, never realizing that by doing so they destroyed the power of mythic imagery leaving only a third-rate knockoff of Tom Clancy.

  • Headless Unicorn Guy

    I’d even go as far as to say that in terms of *story* – not reality but just plain old entertainment value – the LaHaye and Jenkins style PMD idea of the end of the world is potentially very interesting. I mean you can’t write it like they did – but there’s a TON of possible conflict. Heck the rise of the Antichrist alone could be a massive multi-book political thriller.It’s just… shameful from an artistic perspective that it’s so rarely done justice.

    I agree.  Especially when you factor in the wild & trippy imagery of Revelation.  In one of his Left Behind threads about “The Trip-and-Fall Guys”, Slack (or one of the commenters) made the point that LH&J removed these all these images & elements from LB to make it more “realistic”, never realizing that by doing so they destroyed the power of mythic imagery leaving only a third-rate knockoff of Tom Clancy.

  • Headless Unicorn Guy

    I’d even go as far as to say that in terms of *story* – not reality but just plain old entertainment value – the LaHaye and Jenkins style PMD idea of the end of the world is potentially very interesting. I mean you can’t write it like they did – but there’s a TON of possible conflict. Heck the rise of the Antichrist alone could be a massive multi-book political thriller.It’s just… shameful from an artistic perspective that it’s so rarely done justice.

    I agree.  Especially when you factor in the wild & trippy imagery of Revelation.  In one of his Left Behind threads about “The Trip-and-Fall Guys”, Slack (or one of the commenters) made the point that LH&J removed these all these images & elements from LB to make it more “realistic”, never realizing that by doing so they destroyed the power of mythic imagery leaving only a third-rate knockoff of Tom Clancy.

  • Vulpis Contra

    I went to a United Methodist church for a few years, and they did All Saint’s Day services. FWIW.

  • Vulpis Contra

    I went to a United Methodist church for a few years, and they did All Saint’s Day services. FWIW.

  • Anonymous

    Kind of reminds me of my first Halloween at a very conservative Christian college (choosing that school was one of my poorer life choices).  I walked into the campus center Halloween morning to find a sign that said “Happy Reformation Day!” and I was pretty confused.  I think they were giving out cupcakes or something, though, so after that I decided Reformation Day couldn’t be all that bad.   I don’t know what I would have done if the sign had said “Happy JesusWeen!” Possibly quit school and gone home.

  • Anonymous

    Kind of reminds me of my first Halloween at a very conservative Christian college (choosing that school was one of my poorer life choices).  I walked into the campus center Halloween morning to find a sign that said “Happy Reformation Day!” and I was pretty confused.  I think they were giving out cupcakes or something, though, so after that I decided Reformation Day couldn’t be all that bad.   I don’t know what I would have done if the sign had said “Happy JesusWeen!” Possibly quit school and gone home.

  • Anonymous

    Darn it, I posted under an old name.

  • Anonymous

    Darn it, I posted under an old name.

  • Anonymous

    Aaaand posted under the wrong name twice.  I fail a little bit.  But now I’m logged in.

  • Anonymous

    Aaaand posted under the wrong name twice.  I fail a little bit.  But now I’m logged in.

  • Fvrnite

    I tried reading some of the LB series. Bear in mind I usually read Stephen King and that caliber of writing. The book I read was almost as hack-y as the Twilight book.

    I was hoping to read a Christian fiction book that actually was interesting, even with the slanted presumptions about non-Christians.  Peretti, Larson and LB all left me thinking Christian fiction is hack work propaganda.

  • Fvrnite

    I tried reading some of the LB series. Bear in mind I usually read Stephen King and that caliber of writing. The book I read was almost as hack-y as the Twilight book.

    I was hoping to read a Christian fiction book that actually was interesting, even with the slanted presumptions about non-Christians.  Peretti, Larson and LB all left me thinking Christian fiction is hack work propaganda.


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