The immaculate connections

I am deeply impressed by Stacey Dames latest blog entry at the Christian Post. It’s titled: “Madonna’s New Age End Time Satanism…it is reappearing in these end days. IT DID NOT BEGIN WITH THE SUPERBOWL.”

It's Lourdes' mom. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

I can’t begin to know how to describe such things, but this is one of the best examples of whatever-it-is that I’ve encountered. It’s kind of astonishing. Here’s a taste, with the original bolding and idiosyncratic spellings unaltered:

In honor of the One who saved me, I now write about this woman who has been used willingly since 1983 by satan and the New World Order elites to further their endtime agenda.

Madonna is not merely an untalented little pop tart singing sweet nothings into the ears of the masses that can be considered harmless or to no effect. Quite the opposite actually. I cannot cover every single aspect of her career as there is far too much to go over and I do not want to set my eyes and mind on such things having been delivered from them. So please proceed with caution while reading. I also understand that this article will have very little appeal to those who still worship her and those who followed her career. However, it is my prayer that this post will shine His light on the darkness of this woman’s evil career that has ensnared millions, including Christians, and open countless spiritual eyes and ears in these last days.

There has been much discussion over Madonna’s Superbowl halftime performance. Apparently, some are just now figuring out the occult world of Madonna. However, if you travel back in time you will connect the dots that lead up to this event. Madonna has been involved in satanism from the very beginning. For reasons I have yet to figure out, the global elite are still intent on using this now fifty-something woman concerning their end time agenda. There is something they still need from her…to do, or say, as we shall see.

Dames then continues for 4,000+ words examining very nearly “every single aspect” of Madonna’s career in search of the signs — subtle and oracular though they may be — that support the thesis that the pop star is a key player in the Illuminati’s plans for the End Times. It’s very thorough. It’s very sincere. And it’s utterly, fantastically, dizzyingly bonkers.

It’s so loopy that I’m unable to articulate my response into a coherent whole. Here then are some staggered thoughts.

1. I believe that Stacey Dames believes what she has written. Or, more precisely, I believe that she so fully wants and needs to believe it that she has forgotten that not believing it is an option. But I cannot believe that the editors of the Christian Post believe it. This particular form of wackiness is too idiosyncratic to be persuasive to those not wrapped up in the specific variety of wacky that Dames is trapped in. The folks running the Christian Post have to know she’s nutty. I suspect they know and simply do not care. This is further evidence that they’re running a cynical, disingenuous con game. They don’t publish articles because they believe them to be true or because they believe them to be necessary, helpful or “edifying” (to use a favorite evangelical word). They publish articles because gullible people will read them and the Christian Post can profit from ad sales.

2. Dames perceives herself as an orthodox, mainstream Christian. Readers of this post are presumed to know and to share all of her assumptions about the existence and intent of the Illuminati. This is, to Dames, an essential and central aspect of Christianity — so much so that she sees no need to explain any of her references to this diabolical global conspiracy of occultists plotting to bring about the reign of the Antichrist. That is something she just assumes every Christian knows as though it were outlined in the Apostle’s Creed. Dames’ urgent need to share her expertise isn’t about warning other Christians of this conspiracy or of the “fact” that we are living in Darby’s End Times. In her view, knowing such things is not a matter of expertise, simply of basic, normal Christianity. She has, in other words, been the victim of pastoral malpractice. To use another favorite evangelical phrase, she has been “led astray.”

3. Dames knows her Madonna. This is the expertise she brings to this post. It’s a comprehensive, intimate familiarity with the artist’s entire catalog. She begins by telling us:

Before I was saved by the Lord, I used to be a HUGE Madonna fan. Obsession probably doesn’t begin to describe it. I even had collectibles worth a decent amount that I destroyed after I was pulled from the wreckage by my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

The exhaustive survey of Maddona’s career that follows proves she’s not exaggerating there. Stacey Dames was a fan. She loved Madonna’s music and found joy in it. And now that joy has been taken away from her, twisted into a source of guilt and shame. This again is pastoral malpractice. Turning legitimate pleasure into shame is a form of abuse. What some warped pastor did to Dames’ love of Madonna is a sin.

4. Madonna earned the admiration Dames once had for her. The lady is a pop mega-star for a reason. She deserves to have fans and the fans that she has are rewarded. I’m not one of those fans, and I’m not saying she’s Mozart or Picasso, but if you like danceable pop music, she’s a hero. She’s a better-than-average songwriter, a skilled dancer, and a singer who knows what it is she can do with a song. Her real genius as an artist — and here I do mean genius — isn’t so much her music itself as all the trappings that surround it. And I don’t just mean her genius for grabbing attention or for reinventing herself to match the moment in pop culture. Fashion, choreography and music video are all legitimate art forms and Madonna has helped all of those art forms to advance. It wasn’t wrong for Dames to have admired Madonna for all of that. It was wrong for someone to have convinced her not to.

5. Madonna isn’t a threat. Like The Simpsons, Madonna made headlines and was subject to boycotts in the 1980s because of a backlash against her cheeky irreverence. And, as with The Simpsons, that backlash eventually subsided once people paid enough attention to look past the surface at the underlying message, which was actually innocent, positive and optimistic. The message of most of Madonna’s biggest hits is indistinguishable from that of most wholesome G-rate children’s movies: You’re special, follow your dreams, look past appearances, “Open Your Heart,” “Express Yourself.”

If you want to understand the contemporary Comstocks, consider their opposite reactions to Madonna’s videos for “Material Girl” and for “Like a Prayer.” Not a peep about the first — a satire that they approved of because they didn’t perceive it as satire. But the second led to an uproar and a boycott. Praise of “cold hard cash” is fine. A story in which a black man falsely accused of sexual assault is portrayed as a holy saint before being freed from jail — that was perceived as wholly unacceptable.

6. Dames’ post refutes the idea of sensible centrism. Those who promote the Golden Meh — condemning partisanship and assuring us that the truth can always reliably be found somewhere in the moderate middle — are always urging us to seek common ground and to compromise. OK, what would that mean here?

Stacey Dames posits that a global conspiracy of Jewish occultists, liberals and secular humanists a plotting to bring about the reign of the Antichrist and that Madge is somehow playing a vital role in this satanic plot. It doesn’t seem that this view would allow Dames to meet the rest of us half way. But what would it entail for the rest of us to “compromise” or find “common ground” with this idea? Dames’ thesis is full-gonzo loony — should we all become half-gonzo loony in an effort to find common ground?

7. Illuminati, Madonna, abortion, gays — it’s all the same. The real core of Dames’ message here is indistinguishable from the anti-abortion and anti-gay articles that make up the bulk of the content on the Christian Post. She creates her own entry point into the culture war, but every culture-war argument requires this same conspiratorial mind-set, this same belief in a nefarious, global, coordinated assault by secretive, evil, Satanic baby-killers. Nothing Dames says here isn’t also being said by Charles Colson and Rick Santorum: Be afraid; they are evil; they are everywhere; they are after your children; and it’s them against us.

Dames’ particularly loopy variation of this theme just illustrates that the alleged proximate subject of all such arguments doesn’t ever matter much. For Dames, as for all culture warriors, facts are pliable things. Reality is a pretext, not something objective to be learned about and studied. Reality is a blank screen onto which to project titillating nightmares as a context for imagining heroic fantasies. The particular form of the monsters in that nightmare doesn’t matter — bogeymen, goblins, ghosts, vampires, gays, abortionists, pop singers. All that matters is that they are evil, and therefore we are good. They are attacking, and therefore we must defend. They are everywhere, and therefore we must not trust anyone or anything.

  • http://apocalypsereview.wordpress.com/ Invisible Neutrino

    (O_O) Stacey Dames. Wut. I don’t even.

  • Tehanu

    Reality is a blank screen onto which to project titillating nightmares
    as a context for imagining heroic fantasies. The particular form of the
    monsters in that nightmare doesn’t matter — bogeymen, goblins, ghosts,
    vampires, gays, abortionists, pop singers. All that matters is that they
    are evil, and therefore we are good. They are attacking, and therefore
    we must defend. They are everywhere, and therefore we must not trust
    anyone or anything.

    Great post, Fred. What strikes me particularly is your mention of trust. C.S. Lewis once said that faith was like learning to swim; when you start, you don’t know how, but you have to trust the person teaching you and throw yourself into the water, or you’ll never learn.  If people who claim to be Christians are constantly repeating “Trust no one!”, I wonder how they expect anyone to believe them.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Charity-Brighton/100002974813787 Charity Brighton

    Her encyclopedic knowledge of every single thing Madonna has ever done publicly for the past thirty years is far creepier than anything in Madonna’s music or her videos. She never stopped being obsessed with her; she just transitioned from the obsessive adoration of a fan to the twisted obsession of an arch-nemesis.

  • http://mistformsquirrel.deviantart.com/ JJohnson

     Is it wrong that this makes me hear that sound effect? ( >_<)

  • http://mistformsquirrel.deviantart.com/ JJohnson

    On the post itself… this kind of thing honestly brings back memories.  That these are memories from the 1980s when I was 6 years old makes me facepalm.

    I mean maybe it’s just me but how in the heck have these kinds of loony conspiracy theories lasted my *entire lifespan*?  And heck, I know from history they were well underway before I was born.

    What it really reminds me of is when I and a friend were playing in a field* near an old farmhouse in the middle of the night.  This was something we Weren’t Supposed to Do – but that’s what made it so much fun.

    While we were out there sneaking around and generally thinking ourselves oh-so-clever, we made up  things about the house and who must have lived there.  We eventually settled on a cabal of satanists** who stole babies from nearby houses.  We spun stories that were pretty damn wild and involved our own personal exploits into said house.

    Here’s the thing:

    We – as little children – knew full well we were full of shit.  We were just telling tall tales to each other for fun.  This was if you’ll recall while I was fully immersed in fundieland – where I really  did BELIEVE such things existed and happened… I just knew for certain that those things didn’t happen at that house, because again, I was just full of shit, and so was my friend.  And we knew it.

    What Dames is doing here seems to be about the same thing, except there’s no implicit understanding that it’s bullshit told for fun. >< And that?  That makes me cranky.

    *I live in rural IL, we have a LOT of fields.

    **Remember the timeframe – if you were in the fundiebubble in the 80s, everything was about satanists.  EVERYTHING.  At least everything I heard.

  • Anonymous

    “Is it wrong that this makes me hear that sound effect? (>_<)"

    Actually, this is the one that I’m hearing.

  • http://profiles.google.com/anoncollie Anon Collie

    Honestly, I’ve never been that big a fan of Madonna. Born in the mid 80s, I didn’t appreciate music when she was at the top of her game like I do now, and by the time she had her fall off, I was still too young. So, I looked up “Like a prayer.”
    It’s not a bad song. Catchy, certainly, and looking at the lyrics, I can’t really see where Fundieland would get so upset. Even if you claim the song isn’t about prayer between God and a person; Love, agape love, is supposed to be prayerful. Love between two partners at it’s purest expression is touching at that whole person; body, mind and spirit.

    Then I watched the video. Yeah, I can see why certain people within Fundieland would object to the idea of a black man being falsely accused of rape and set free later.

    People need other people they can dehumanize. The actual realization that human is human is human, and they are just as worthwhile as “the other” in the eyes of God breaks down any sense of self-importance an ego-inflated Pharisee might have, and said Pharisees like their self-importance.

    Madonna in this case is a convenient target, nothing more.

  • Lynn

    During my Confirmation classes in the 90s, we didn’t get much in way of theology, but we did get told to be afraid of MTV and Feminists.  They came down heaviest on rap and saggy jeans, but I also remember coming out of the process feeling that I really should not like listening to Madonna.

    I eventually called BS to the teacher when the video of A-Ha’s “Take on Me” made it into the fail pile.  The teacher looked uncomforatble and said “Well, you get the basic idea, right?”

    Listening to Madonna still made me feel guilty, though.  Both Madonna and the guilt stopped being relevant around the same time.

  • Anonymous

    Does a tinfoil hat come with this Happy Meal, or do I have to request one separately? 

  • Anonymous

    The thing that makes me mad about the Stacey Dames of the world are that they distract from the real threat: 
    The reptoids, and their front man Kid Rock.

    You laugh now, but just wait until we’re being shepherded into the maws of the Harvester Complex while “All Summer Long” is being blared from loudspeakers overhead.

    Who will be laughing then?
    Not me. Not me.

  • http://jamoche.dreamwidth.org/ Jamoche

    1976, sixth grade, Lubbock Texas. Variations of this were being told – by our teachers! – about Kiss. (All that freaky satanic face paint, y’know.) I remember my friends and I going along with it for a while, but it didn’t take long for us to decide it was silly.

    (Though I’ve no idea why they decided elementary school kids needed to be warned off Kiss, because until they did that none of us had ever heard of them.)

  • Anonymous

    I once read a delightful article by a man who explained that when he was in high school, he went to church at least three times a week, and at least once a week, their minister would preach against KISS.

    Then he went to college, and his roommate was a die-hard KISS fan.

    It was a sweet article. He referred to them at the end as ‘these makeup-wearing, high-heel-stomping, Beth-loving demons’.

  • Lori

    If you want to understand the contemporary Comstocks, consider their opposite reactions to Madonna’s videos for “Material Girl” and for “Like a Prayer.” Not a peep about the first — a satire that they approved of because they didn’t perceive it as satire.

    The fundies of my acquaintance don’t get that Material Girl is satire and that’s why they complain about it. I guess disliking both materialism and sex is slightly better than liking materialism, but not sex.

    Also, I can’t help but chuckle at the photo caption. Madonna is struggling with the whole “aging gracefully” thing, so I can’t help but think she would be at least mildly horrified at being identified as Lourdes’ mom.

  • P J Evans

    I remember, as a slightly older child, the house in town that a number of us called the ‘witch house’ – AFAICT mostly because it had a tall hedge out front, an unkempt yard in front, and we never saw the residents. It seems really silly now….

  • Jeff Weskamp

    Fred’s seventh point is my personal favorite.  Most of these conspiracy theories are basically fill-in-the-blank templates.  If you hate and fear Jews, insert the word “Jews” into the villain-spaces of the template.  Or you can insert “gays,” “Muslims,” “Catholics,” “Freemasons,” “Gray Aliens,” whatever you feel like hating and fearing at the moment.

  • http://twitter.com/FearlessSon FearlessSon

    This unit is broken and generating false data from its input arguments.  We need to trace the callstack as it runs until we can figure out what is causing the bug and correct it. 

    Fred made an educated guess about “pastorial malpractice”, so we might want to start with whomever her preacher is. 

  • Ursula L

    The “Material Girl” video, with its homage to Marilyn Monroe and “Diamonds are a Girl’s Best Friend” plays nicely into the conservative obsession with the 1950s as a golden age.  So I could see them overlooking it, as being a respectful nod to their favorite era and their imagined world of perfect patriarchal heterosexual nuclear families. 

  • Anonymous

    The other thing about this is if you’re sort of kind of leaning to crazy, you might be convinced to get medication, therapy, help. Your family might come to you and say “We love you. And we understand that you feel there’s a danger in pop culture becoming too prevalent, and we understand that you don’t believe your small children should be watching television. But your theory that the FBI, controlled by demonic cults, is secretly brainwashing American children through television, is going off the deep end just a bit, and we’d like you to see a therapist.” And, you know, maybe that would end very badly, and maybe it wouldn’t.

    But if you’re sort of kind of going off the deep end– same exact situation, same level of delusion– and you are convinced that God Is On Your Side, and you know this because your pastor has been telling you that the occult controls everything for ten years, if you believe that your delusions are founded because you have been reading theories that line up with yours in the Christian Post… then when your family comes to tell you things have gone too far, your response is “Ah. You’ve fallen into the devil’s trap. The Illuminati have blindfolded even you, my family.”

    If your answer to “Dear, you need help,” is “But this is just a logical progression of everything we believe! Weren’t you listening in Bible Study last night?” then… there’s less hope.

    And that might be the part of this whole… phenomenon… that I hate the most. People like my mother, with serious brain issues already swirling about them, are the perfect target for this. It confirms their delusions. They eat it up. They buy the next issue, and the next, and the next, and eventually, the world of Illuminati and Occult and Satanic Baby-killers becomes more real than the one the rest of us live in.

  • Anonymous-Sam

    I downloaded her bootlog, but all I got was “stack overflow” and “segmentation fault.”

    We need to go deeper.

  • Anonymous

     Seems like Dames problem is that she trusted the wrong person.

  • Anonymous

    Speaking of Madonna songs, I’m curious now how conservatives divide up over “Papa Don’t Preach” – a song about a girl who slept with the boyfriend her father disapproved of, got pregnant, and now plans to marry him and keep the baby, and is asking her father to accept these decisions and advise her on how best to go about them.

    On the one hand, she’s saying it’s ok to disobey your father if you think you know better, and she doesn’t imply the premarital sex was a bad thing except insofar as it caused the pregnancy, but she also presents keeping an unplanned pregnancy as a positive decision and shows the young couple choosing to marry and form a standard heterosexual nuclear family. So it’s almost a litmus test for whether someone values patriarchy and chastity above the well-being of others.

  • Anonymous

    I cannot cover every single aspect of her career as there is far too
    much to go over and I do not want to set my eyes and mind on such
    things having been delivered from them.

    And then she goes on for 4000+ words “examining very nearly “every single aspect” of Madonna’s career in search of the signs.”  Well there’s your problem.

    “I can’t cover every aspect, but ….” seems to have the same dichotomy as “I don’t mean to be rude, but …”

    And KISS:  I certainly wasn’t raised anywhere near fundie land (born and bred Episcopalian), but even I heard the bit about Knights In Satan’s Service.

  • http://plantsarethestrangestpeople.blogspot.com/ mr_subjunctive

    I’d say there’s a better than even chance that trusting the wrong person is not Dames’ only problem.

  • Tonio

    Remember the good old days, when Madonna’s Christian bashers were Catholic activists upset over her use of that denomination’s language and imagery?

    And Satanist? Must have been her collaboration with Slayer…

  • http://profiles.google.com/marc.k.mielke Marc Mielke

    Yeah, I got that “Knights in Satan’s Service” bit from another kid in school. So I introduced him to what I was into at the time: Slayer, Venom, Mercyful Fate…by comparision, KISS was hardly even HEAVY, much less METAL. 

  • Anonymous

    “If you hate and fear Jews, insert the word “Jews” into the villain-spaces of the template.  Or you can insert ‘gays,’ ‘Muslims,’ ‘Catholics,’ ‘Freemasons,’ ‘Gray Aliens,’ whatever you feel like hating and fearing at the moment.”

    What they seem to forget is that you can insert words like “Conservatives”, “Republicans”, “Teapartiers”, “Wall Street Barons” and the like into those same villain-spaces and come out with equally (or even more) plausible conspiracy theories*.

    *Unless — like, say, Watergate — they turn out *not* to be theories…

  • http://www.facebook.com/jon.maki Jon Maki

    Despite its size (the population would have to at least quadruple to be considered “tiny”), the town I grew up in didn’t really have much of a fundamentalist streak.
    I mean, there were traces of it here and there – we used to say grace before lunch at school, for example – but in general, there wasn’t a whole lot of worrying about secularism or Satanism or any other kind of -ism, and to whatever extent there were any strains of that going on, my family tended not to buy into it, and tended to shrug it off as just being a bit weird.
    So I never really experienced that kind of fear of conspiracies and concerns about the corrupting influences of popular culture.  I mean, when I was very young, there would be the whispers about how such-and-such musician was gay (*Gasp!*), and the aforementioned bit about what KISS stood for, and there was some vague notion that we should probably avoid listening to their music, but there wasn’t really anyone saying that it was forbidden, and most of us, as we got older, were at least smart enough to realize that even if you didn’t approve of the way an artist lived his or her life, it didn’t really mean you couldn’t enjoy the art, and ultimately the “taboo” nature of those kinds of rumors just added to the appeal.
    My mom did, on occasion, wring her hands a little about some things, but she seldom outright forbade anything, and even when she didn’t approve, she’d take a “wait and see” attitude. 
    The last time she expressed any sort of concern was in my teens, when I started getting into Black Sabbath, Metallica, Megadeth, and other metal bands.  “Another one of those Black Sabbath tapes?” she said, when she saw my copy of Master of Reality.   “I don’t know if I like you listening to that.”At the time, while our house was being rebuilt after a fire, we were living in a small two-bedroom trailer.  I had gone to my room and was lying on the bed, headphones on, listening to Sabbath.  At one point, I could hear my mom walking by in the hall – my tiny room had no door – so I put my arms across my chest as though I were lying in a coffin, closed my eyes, and mumbled, “Yes…Master…”
    “You little smart ass,” my mom said, with a laugh, and never had another word to say about the music I listened to…

  • http://lliira.dreamwidth.org/ Lliira

    When “Papa Don’t Preach” came out, right-wing Christians had conniptions over it. They hated it. They hated everything about Madonna — and this was before “Like A Prayer.” She was a woman who took charge of her own sexuality and talked about it, and profited from it, without shame. Right-wingers were freaked out that she would inspire other girls and women to take charge of and discuss our own sexuality without shame. And they were right to be afraid, because she was HUGE, and hugely inspirational.

    People like to laugh at Madonna now for her silly accent and her struggle with aging. But I don’t think people who weren’t there can understand how incredibly important she was. She had guts, ambition, and fearlessness. This woman was saying it’s okay to be a woman and own and enjoy your own sexuality, and anyone who tries to tell you differently is an obstacle that can be overcome. If Madonna hadn’t existed, our world would be a different — and much sadder — place.

  • http://twitter.com/shay_guy Shay Guy

    Wait, you mean she went from flushed to caliginous?

  • Anonymous

    My first impulse is to laugh at some of the things mentioned here (Madonna and Elvis are involved in the same Satanist/Illuminati conspiracy?) but then I remember that she legitimately believes these things, and it becomes much less funny.  It makes me wonder what happened in her life that she felt the need to shift her views that suddenly and radically? 

  • http://plantsarethestrangestpeople.blogspot.com/ mr_subjunctive

     

    When “Papa Don’t Preach” came out, right-wing Christians had conniptions over it. They hated it.

    I actually have a memory of seeing a head-scratching news item in the summer of 1986 in Charisma magazine, to the effect of, well, Madonna’s gone and done a song talking about not killing babies; good for her. We think. Unless this is some kind of a trick. My impression was that they were uneasy about being on the same side of an issue as Madonna, and were relieved later when she released “Open Your Heart” and they could go back to disapproving of her.

    Now, a few years later with “Like a Prayer –” that one they hated.

  • Anonymous

    I can only hit “like” for your comment once, so I’ll just have to offer 1,000 virtual Likes for the MSPA reference.

  • http://lliira.dreamwidth.org/ Lliira

    My memories about “Papa Don’t Preach” are of a bunch of old men ranting about Madonna on the radio and on TV, about how she was encouraging girls to go out and have sex and not be ashamed of themselves for being such dirty dirty sluts. They didn’t use the word “slut” at the time (they would now, I’m sure), but the implication was clear. 

    What was their problem with “Open Your Heart”? 

  • http://www.oliviareviews.com/ PepperjackCandy

    The kids in my neighborhood made up all sorts of scary stories about everyone they didn’t know.  My favorite were the stories about this elderly couple who lived on the corner and had a chihuahua that was always out in their yard with them. The people were *scary* and their dog was *vicious*.

    When I told my mom that all of the kids in my grade said that they were scared of them, she looked at me and said “Those are (a girl a year older than we were)’s grandparents.”

    Later on, they helped me when I fell off my bicycle and I started visiting them regularly.  Once I started visiting them, other kids started visiting them, too.

    And they were (girl)’s grandparents.

  • Anonymous

    If she doesn’t title her next album “The Occult World of Madonna”, then I’ll feel an opportunity for awesome will have been missed.

    As for the rest of the post, the other day my co-worker was telling us about how the Democrats built a replica of the Altar of Pergamon for their 2008 convention in Denver, whose latitude is very close to that of Pergamon, and in the latitude minutes you can find numbers significant to the Illuminati …

    It may sound callous to say this, but some people are just broken and for these few appeals to reason, though worthy, are like tossing a glow stick into a deep black abyss.

  • nirrti

    “In honor of the One who saved me, I now write about this woman who has been used willingly since 1983 by satan and the New World Order elites to further their endtime agenda.”

    Are you sure this guy’s not mentally ill? This sounds just like the word salad, paranoid delusional speech that people with schizophrenia have. I’m not kidding. I think he/she may be in need of some serious intervention.

  • http://deird1.dreamwidth.org Deird

    But if you’re sort of kind of going off the deep end– same exact situation, same level of delusion– and you are convinced that God Is On Your Side, and you know this because your pastor has been telling you that the occult controls everything for ten years, if you believe that your delusions are founded because you have been reading theories that line up with yours in the Christian Post…
    then when your family comes to tell you things have gone too far, your
    response is “Ah. You’ve fallen into the devil’s trap. The Illuminati
    have blindfolded even you, my family.”

    *nods*

    My uncle is convinced that his mother is a witch who is (intentionally) responsible for every family tragedy for the last 30 years. Spurred on by his church, which is INSANE in every way.
    And any family members trying to reason with him apparently have been tainted by their continued association with his mother. Witchcraft goes down the female line, so his sister is clearly evil too…

  • Matri

    *deadpan* Gee, ya think?

    [/O'Neill]

  • friendly reader

    Thanks for the link to the “Like a Prayer Video,” it was very nice and told a good story. I have to admit, listening to the song, I always thought it was just a possibly* irreverent/sacrilegious description of a blow job, but hey, social commentary!

    I never listened to Madonna as a kid because my parents didn’t like her music. I basically listened to what my parents liked when I grew up**, which was awesome, really. No other kids my age had such a good exposure to classical music, classical rock, Paul Simon, musicals (especially Sondheim), or opera. When I got into college, I basically went hog-wild listening to everthing my parents didn’t like and eventually developed my own strange taste in music. But I still like most of what they raised me on, too.

    And I’ve never been a big fan of Madonna. She’s very “meh” to me.

    *Given how devotional literature is rife with erotic overtones, there’s definitely leeway to see a song like this about sex, religion, or sex and religion.
    **Not because they made me, but my dad still has a hard time hiding when he doesn’t care for music, and as a teenager I didn’t have the self-esteem to differentiate between my dad just not caring for my music and me somehow liking bad music. My brother never had that problem, because he was more self-confident than me.

  • JenL

    My older brother liked to play his music REALLY loud when the parents weren’t around.  I hated him at the time, and hated his music just because he liked it.  But I couldn’t avoid hearing the lyrics really clearly.
    So one day I go to school (this would have been 4th or 5th grade) at my private little church-run school, and they’ve brought in a guest speaker to talk to us about the evils of rock music. Now frankly, since they were talking about my hated older brother’s music, I was *entirely* willing to be on board.  But I thought the whole bit about Satanic messages encoded in the music that could only be heard by playing the music backward (and yes, he pulled that one out) was dubious.  And then…

    Last bit of the lecture, the guy says that rock music explicitly advocates drug use.  And as proof, he plays – of all things – Survivor’s “High on You”.  Come on – I was a 4th or 5th grader, and even I understood that this song was comparing the rush of emotion to being high, NOT telling kids to go out and do drugs.  And despite the fact that the bit of lyrics he played included enough of the lyrics to make that obvious, this dude stands there in front of a group of kids, with a straight face, and tells us that this song is advocating drug use.  

    I never did quite make up my mind whether he thought lying to us was for the best, or whether he was some poor deluded fool who’d never thought for himself, and never listened to the music himself – because that would be dangerous to his soul, ya know?

    But I never again believed anyone who tried to tell me that rock music was Satanic.

  • Anonymous

    Huey Lewis & the News had a few people shouting that “I Want a New Drug” advocated drug use, even though the entire song is about the inadequacy of drugs compared to the feeling of true love.  No actual drugs are even named in the song.

    Apparently in some places it was released as “I Want a New Drug (Called Love)” to make this clearer, though if I were Huey I’d have gone whole hog and called it “I Want a New Drug (Called Love (Because You People Are Too Dumb to Interpret ’80s Pop Without a Goddamn Road Map))”.

  • Tricksterson

    IIRc it wasn’t the “black man being accused of rape” (and again, I thought it was murder, not rape, but the burning crosses in the video that upset people, at least that was the case with my Catholic and half-assed born again roomates at the time.  Alsi the statue that comes to life was that of an actual saint.  I forget his name but I do remember reading it.

  • Tricksterson

    How the hack did “Take On Me” wind up being evil?

  • Tricksterson

    Anyone else ever hear the one that “AC/DC” stood for AntiChrist DevilCult”?  The weird part is that I got it from my best friend at the ime who was and is an atheist and liberal.

  • Tricksterson

    It’s a woman, not a man.

  • http://blog.trenchcoatsoft.com Ross

     When I was like 10, I wrote something which referred to systems which can be powered by either alternating or direct current as a metaphor. I was advised by someone older that I should change it, because “Anyone who isn’t a scientist will think that AC/DC is a satanic reference. No one’s ever heard of that term referring to electricity.”

    (I ended up changing it to “AD/BC”. Because I was 10.)

  • http://thatbeerguy.blogspot.com Chris Doggett

    WARNING: WALL O’ TEXT!

    It doesn’t help matters any that Ms Dames is not a very good writer, and lacks any sort of editor:

    Madonna is not merely an untalented little pop tart singing sweet nothings into the ears of the masses that can be considered harmless or to no effect. Quite the opposite actually.

    If she is quite the opposite of what you said, then she is not “merely” that thing, she is not that thing at all. That’s what “opposite” means.

    There is something they still need from her…to do, or say, as we shall see.

    English! Do you speak it?

    Unfortunately, and very sadly,

    Redundantly, and very repeatedly…

    Elvis Presley is a known occultist who is very fond of satanic theosophist Madame Blavatsky, and even reads to his audiences from her books after performances.

    The author was writing a history, so the use of present tense for Mr. Presley isn’t necessarily wrong, but the timeline for this item is 1987, so either Ms. Dames is a very bad writer, or in addition to her other beliefs, she thinks the King is still alive.

    Throughout Madonna’s entire career from day one is noted her inability to…

    As an alternative to bad writing, we could imagine Ms. Danes is a covert secret operative for the Department of Redundancy Department, working undercover.

    This album (LAP) is also the first time Madonna publicly denounces Christ in her song Spanish Eyes

    Today’s lesson: how to use a comma so you don’t sound stupid! Unless you meant that her song Spanish Eyes had previously not denounced Christ.

    The video is banned by MTV and goes on to sell millions.

    Really? The video sold millions of copies? Not the single, or the album, but the video? Seriously, this author is starting to make Left Behind look well-written.

    The infamous 666 pose (better known as the yoga pose-thumb meets first finger)

    Remember right at the start, where the author didn’t understand how the descriptors of “merely” and “opposite” were contradictory? Yeah, if a pose is “infamous”, then it won’t have a “better known” description. That’s what “infamy” means.

    . It’s actually an infomercial for all things Kabbalah and New Age. Madonna and  especially her puppets mimic this new age lingo left, right and center.

    Inconsistent capitalization shouldn’t surprise me by now, but it does. “especially”? It’s really important that her ‘puppets” be noted to “mimic” the jargon that this “infomercial” promotes? Because infomercials don’t accurate use the terminology they’re promoting, they only mimic it. Like a Sarah Palin interview.

    The opening of this documentary Madonna is seen wearing her biggest
    most satanic headdress to date…

    THIS IS A COMMA “,”
    PLEASE USE SOME! WE HAVE PLENTY TO SHARE! THEY WON’T RUN OUT!

    She is gaining the reputation for not letting anyone in her circle
    who is not into the mystical witchcraft of Kabbalah. Brother Christopher
    and former manager Caresse Henry (who later went on to committ suicide)
    are included in this ex-member group

    The double-negative in the first sentence is bad, but it’s the mangled construction of the second sentence that really takes the prize: those two people are included in the group of those excluded?

    Ultimately, only you can save your own soul…she doesn’t want you to rely on anyone else. Another denial of the finished work of the Lord Jesus Christ.

    Sentence fragment? What sentence fragment? How is written language any different from spoken language? Why shouldn’t I write exactly how I talk?

    This could very well be her undoing as we find with all who reject the
    Lord Jesus Christ and serve self/satan instead: it usually comes to an
    abrupt end and never a pretty one!

    Get thee to a proofreader!

    From her album covers and concerts,  the imagery used on the jumbo
    screens behind her to her photographs; the words used in her songs and
    interviews, this woman has been on a satanic agenda from day one and is
    presently unable to stop herself.

    Lady, you can barely manage proper comma use; the semicolon is way beyond your skills. Just back away from the keyboard before you hurt the English language any further.

    Madonna’s world is a relentless assault on the public of perversion, occult symbolism, and all things ungodly.

    How does a “world” relentlessly assault anything? And who’s being assaulted, the public of perversion? We can argue if this person needs a therapist, but I think we can all agree she needs an editor.

    Kabbalah is in simplest terms:
    witchcraft.

    OK, punctuation the author clearly does not understand: the comma, the semicolon, and now the colon. 

    there are no coincidences in her meticulously planned, detailed, controlling life.

    Some people should be given a thesaurus for their birthday. Other people should have it taken away.

    . Not that I put any stock in what he says, but there may be some truth to this.

    If you think there may be truth to it, then you’re putting some stock in what he says. Not a lot, but some. Evidently, idioms are also something the author does not understand.

    One thing is for sure though:

    “Just write the same way that you speak. It will sound more natural”
    Whoever gave the author this advice, or even implied that it was an acceptable practice, should be forced to read everything she blogs for the next two years.

    Madonna’s thoughts and ways have been continuously evil for over two decades now.

    Continuously evil? So, evil thoughts & ways when the alarm goes off, evil thoughts & ways pouring cereal into the bowl, evil thoughts & ways in the bathroom, evil thoughts & ways emptying the dishwasher, all ET&W in every act, private or public, mundane or grandiose? “Continuous” is not a synonym for “consistent” in this context.

    Needless to say I destroyed my entire Madonna collection.

    If it really was needless to say, you wouldn’t have said it. “Needless to say” is a phrase used to introduce a remark your audience is expecting, having already reached the same conclusion.

    The content itself is a train-wreck of rampant pareidolia, and my heart goes out to someone who is so obviously suffering unnecessarily. My conscience is more troubled by the notion that someone might have gotten paid or received some reward for vomiting up a collection of unedited gibberish.

  • gocart mozart

    Fuckin’ Dames!

  • P J Evans

    either Ms. Dames is a very bad writer, or in addition to her other beliefs, she thinks the King is still alive.

    She may only know him from ‘Elvis has left the building’.

  • Anonymous

    I thought it was murder too. And I think the “statue” in the church could be St Martin de Porres. He was of mixed Spanish and African descent and is the patron saint of people of mixed ethnicity (like President Obama! Mr President, somebody up there really is on your side) and those who seek racial harmony.


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