Satanazis III: Night of the Satanazis

Don’t imagine you’re safe just because Pat Robertson, Demon Hunter, is on the job.

Sure, Robertson’s Age-Defying Shakes give him the strength to leg-press 1,000 pounds, but that won’t be enough when the Satanic baby-killers and the Nazis join forces to create the terrifying Satanazis who are coming to destroy your family and America and your American family.

“Pray that God will deliver our State and Country from this attack by demonic force, and that marriage between man and woman will be restored to its rightful place of honor,” urge political activists Mike Heath and Paul Madore, warning against the demonic threat of “sodomy-based marriage.”

It’s the playground of Satan and the evil forces against God’s way,” adds North Carolina radio host Steve Noble.

Through same-sex marriage, sectarian lobbyist Cindy Jacobs says, “Satan wants to steal God’s family and create tyranny to have a people he can rule over.”

Brian Fischer disagrees. He argues that the Satanazis aren’t looking to create a people for their Dark Lord to rule over, but rather that they want to kill every living human being:

That’s why I want you to understand that the environmental movement is fundamentally anti-human, it is fundamentally anti-human. And this bears the imprint of the Father of Lies because the Father of Lies, remember hates human beings. Why? Because we are made in the image of God. He wants to stamp out human beings because we remind him God. Well, environmentalists have the same exact agenda: they want to wipe humanity off the face of the globe.

Fortunately, Mississippi Gov. Phil Bryant is on hand to rein in Fischer’s hyperbole. He reminds us that the evil liberal Satanic baby-killers don’t want to kill everyone — just babies, because that’s what baby-killing baby-killers do: “Their one mission in life is to abort children, is to kill children in the womb.”

Well, of course liberals are dedicated to “murdering women before they are born,” but is that really their only mission in life? What about, as Truth in Action lobbyist Jerry Newcombe says, indoctrinating children “into a deadly lifestyle” through totalitarian schemes like the Day of Silence?

Now they chose April 20 of all days to be the Day of Silence, I looked that up, I was like, ‘isn’t that Adolf Hitler’s birthday,’ I looked it up and sure enough it is Adolf Hitler’s birthday.

Yes, trying to stop school bullying is just exactly how you would expect baby-killing Satanazis to celebrate Hitler’s birthday. Because they hate babies, schoolchildren and America. And because, as “ex-gay” activist D.L. Foster says, “the gay atheists, the glbt and their allies HATE us former homosexuals like Hitler hated Jews.”

And just like Hitler — or, as Catholic Bishop Daniel R. Jenky says, just like Hitler and Stalin — the Satanazi liberals are “pro-death.” So says Iowa state Sen. Kent Sorenson, who asks, “How many babies are you willing to slaughter, dismember and throw in a garbage can for a billion dollars?” (That’s a rhetorical question. Sorenson of course knows that Satanic baby-killers kill babies for Satan, not for money. If they were after money, then killing babies wouldn’t be “their one mission in life.”)

Maybe you’re thinking the threat isn’t real. Maybe you’re thinking this is just a snarky post, mocking a bunch of fringe characters for their over-the-top rhetoric and their literal demonization of their political opponents.

But these aren’t just fringe characters telling us that liberals are Nazis who murder babies and love the Satan whom they serve. These are Roman Catholic bishops, state governors, influential clergy and elected officials saying this.

So either the threat of the Satanazis is real, or else we’ve reached the point at which Roman Catholic bishops and Republican state governors have become indistinguishable from the lunatic fringe.

Bill Keller says the threat is real. Keller warns that Satan has taken control of both major party candidates for president.

President Obama, Keller says, is “a true enemy of God” and a baby-killing “advocate for the legalized slaughter of babies.” But he also warns that “a vote for Mormon cult member Mitt Romney will insure at least 1 million souls will end up in hell!!!” (exclamation points original).

Bill Keller also reminds us that he, Bill Keller, is not to be ignored because he, Bill Keller, is “the world’s leading Internet Evangelist” and host of “the most successful online Christian ministry in the history of the Internet.” So there.

  • ConservativeWhitebread

    Also, it demonized vegetarianism, as the not-trolls were – well I dunno if you care about spoilers here.

    It’s an amazing movie.

  • Tricksterson

    Seriously.  It was all about goblins.

  • Lori

     That is just so wrong. Goblin =/= Troll.

  • http://jesustheram.blogspot.com/ Mr. Heartland

     I’ve just remembered that there is, in fact, something like actual flesh-and-blood Satanazis out there in the world. 

    In case you’re interested:  (Trigger: ….. well; Nazis, and truly godawful shlockmetal)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tt32Kizhu5g

  • P J Evans

    Who’s Bill Keller? (No, really: this is the only place that I’ve seen his name.)

  • http://from1angle.wordpress.com emilyperson

     I think it’s a testament to how much time I spend on the Internet that I’m less offended and horrified at the Satanaziism and more annoyed by the cheap attempt at shock-value and the bad music.

  • http://profiles.google.com/marc.k.mielke Marc Mielke

    The space nazis movie actually looks pretty kickass, too:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xeIu1FiTTyI&feature=related 

  • Turcano

     Don’t forget Violence in a Women’s Prison.

  • http://www.facebook.com/jon.maki Jon Maki

     Yes, in the end, it is only the power of bologna that can save us.  (Or can it?)
    The movie is full of a staggering amount of fail, and it’s actually been immortalized in a documentary called The Best Worst Movie.
    It was filmed in Utah, with an American cast, but the majority of the crew (including the director) were Italian, and spoke little or no English.
    While it was about goblins, it was decided to ride on the coattails of the moderate success of the 1987 movie Troll.  That there was no connection whatsoever was not, apparently, a fact worthy of consideration.
    I’ve yet to see it, but there’s is a Troll 3, which ups the ante by not only containing no trolls, but eschewing goblins as well (I believe it’s about some sort of plant creatures).

  • http://www.facebook.com/jon.maki Jon Maki

    She was also in The Emperor Caligula: The Untold Story, which, like Caligula, featured spliced-in scenes of hardcore porn.  I think it was alternately titled Caligula II.

  • Mrs Grimble

    Now they chose April 20 of all days to be the Day of Silence, I looked
    that up, I was like, ‘isn’t that Adolf Hitler’s birthday,’ I looked it
    up and sure enough it is Adolf Hitler’s birthday.

    No – the DoS organisers chose the third Friday in April.  This year, it just happened to be April 20th; next year it will be on the 19th.

    Frakking eejit….

  • Wednesday

    I have to wonder if the person making that comment about Hitler’s birthday know sanything at all about the Holocaust besides “Hitler was bad”, and possibly “a lot of Jewish people were killed so we should compare it with abortion, that sounds like a good and non-offensive idea”.

    It really strains credulity to suggest that a group concerned with the rights and welfare of LGBT individuals would want to celebrate the birthday of a man who sent them to death camps.

  • JayemGriffin

    “Sodomy” is actually defined as any non-penile/vaginal sex, so even more than that, I should think. I sort of feel sorry for people who automatically assume that it’s only a “gay thing”…

  • Vermic

    No – the DoS organisers chose the third Friday in April.  This year, it just happened to be April 20th; next year it will be on the 19th.

    Ah yes, the date Cardinal Ratzinger was elected Pope.  We are well and truly down the rabbit hole, people.

  • histrogeek

     Well, the SS promoted the ubermenschen ideology at least Himmler and Heydrich talked that way, but there were other strains of the thought in the Nazi Party. Alfred Rosenberg, one of the top ideologues, seems to be less Nietzsche and more 19th Century eugenics. Unlike Communists, the Nazis didn’t enforce ideological purity on party members apart from a general Fuehrer-is-great, Germans-are-the-best belief. Details were pretty much unimportant.
    Nietzsche himself despised eugenics, though his sister (and caretaker) was a big supporter.

  • Lori

     

    Nietzsche himself despised eugenics, though his sister (and caretaker) was a big supporter.

    Oh boy, there is a whole lotta family dysfunction in that sentence.

  • Jessica

     We’re lesbians in my house.  No sodomy for us, please.  Our marriage is based on something else entirely.  ;-)

  • JonathanPelikan

    This is the same movement of monsters, morons, and millionaires that proposed that Hitler specifically selected Ghey People to be in his shock troops and death squads and stuff because, well, you know. Ghey People are far more barbaric and obscene than us Streight People.

    Some days, man. Some days.

    (Also, I am now waiting for somebody to tell me that being mean to people who think that is counterproductive because, well, the goal is to change that person’s mind, right? Plus they won’t agree to bipartisan compromise if we be mean to them, since they obviously still want what’s Best For America, right?)

  • DarthJagang

    Did….they just drop a Hitler reference. while persecuting a minority group? Can you do that? I mean, the KKK doesnt call African-Americans racist, do they?  I mean….fuck.

    Also, an interesting bit of math. as i count, there are 180 million voters in the US. If hallf of them come out to vote, that’s ninety million. If mitt romney gets 48% of that (the number John McCain got in the 2008 election) thats 43.2 million, and each vote sends 1,000,000 sould to hell, that makes 43.2 trillion sould damned. So, where do all the sould come from? Does God get so angry that he starts damning the already heaven-located? Do we count animals? And does that make mitt romeny, who apparantly eats souls, stronger than Jesus?

  • Tricksterson

    Oh and there was an evil female druid librarian.

  • http://twitter.com/Erdosign Carlos McReynolds

    I think what I find most sad about this is that I just want to tell these people to go read the Bible. You’d think if abortion, environmentalism or marriage equality were major tools of Satan, Jesus would have mentioned. Yet, they seem to get practically no mention.  If you’re worried about Satan’s minions, shouldn’t you try to have some real understanding of who they are?

  • Lori

     Whaaa?

  • Vermic

    I mean, the KKK doesnt call African-Americans racist, do they?

    I don’t know about the KKK specifically, but do a Google search on “reverse racism” and you’ll find no shortage of arguments that white people today just want to live in a colorblind post-racial society, and it’s blacks who are the REAL racists for wanting to rock the boat.  President Obama has been accused (by wingnuts) of hating whites and spearheading a “revenge against whites” agenda since day one.

  • Tricksterson

    She was the goblins leader.  I think.  It was a very stupid movie.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Charity-Brighton/100002974813787 Charity Brighton

     That sounds like something a Mad libs-inspired evil organization would contain.

    “Okay, so we have the Evil Druid Librarian, the Mad Zoroastrian Orthodontist, the Scary Baha’i Electrician, and… the… um… Ukulele-Playing Catholic Ostrich-Wrangler! Avengers, assemble!”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Charity-Brighton/100002974813787 Charity Brighton

     Hold on…

    I have to wonder if the person making that comment about Hitler’s birthday knows anything at all…

    You could have probably ended your post there. I don’t think people like this really possess what most of us would consider ‘knowledge’. At least, not about this topic. I mean, yikes.

  • Lori

    “Okay, so we have the Evil Druid Librarian, the Mad Zoroastrian Orthodontist, the Scary Baha’i Electrician, and… the… um…
    Ukulele-Playing Catholic Ostrich-Wrangler! Avengers, assemble!”  

    That movie I would pay to see. Troll 2, not so much.

  • reynard61

    The first thing that pops into *my* head is “It’s my Birthday!” It’s also George Takei’s, Ryan O’Neal’s and Carmen Electra’s as well; so I’m in some pretty classy company Birthday-wise.

  • Jenny Islander

    Open letter to the valiant Satanazi hunters of the American religious right:

    Hey, um, you know TEFAP?  Federal program, designed to make sure that the very poor didn’t fall ill from malnutrition, provided about a can of food a day per 1 or 2 people?  TEFAP’s been cut in half.  The new budget also cut SNAP benefits, you know, food stamps, to a lot of families and also eliminated school breakfasts and lunches for thousands of kids in those very same families, so now there are kids in America who wake up  hungry, go to school hungry, come home hungry, and go to bed hungry, which apparently is supposed to make them magically financially independent or something, I dunno, like hunger makes people more focused and able to think.  Also there are people dropping into poverty every damn day of the week because one serious injury or illness can wreck an entire family’s finances for life.  Can any of you fine gentlemen and ladies perhaps lend your voice to the least of these?  Anyone?  Anyone . . . ?

    No, I guess that pales in importance next to the task of hunting for the boogeyman.

  • http://www.facebook.com/jon.maki Jon Maki

    Make that “evil female druid librarian who seduces a teenage boy with corn.”

  • Matri

    Make that “evil female druid librarian who seduces a teenage boy with corn.

    That… that’s just wrong

  • Tricksterson

    I’d read a webcomic based on that.

  • Tricksterson

    Really?  I must have forgotten that part.


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