NRA: Returning the rental car

Nicolae: The Rise of Antichrist, pp. 17-18

Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins have set out to destroy America.

They’ve obliterated New York City and Washington, D.C., with perhaps-nuclear bombs and followed that initial attack with perhaps-nuclear missile strikes at airports in Chicago and Dallas.

And this is just the beginning of the horrors the authors have planned for America. It’s going to get much, much worse as this series of books goes on. The authors will destroy ever more of America with earthquakes, flaming hail, scorching sun, toxic water and a host of other calamities.

That’s their plan. LaHaye and Jenkins are plotting the destruction of America.

That’s a bit unnerving, but not terribly unusual. Hollywood plots to destroy Manhattan several times every summer. Blockbuster moviemakers like Michael Bay, Jerry Bruckheimer and Roland Emmerich have made huge fortunes by repeatedly plotting the destruction of New York, America, or even the entire world.

What separates LaHaye and Jenkins is their contention that their plot to destroy America is not fiction. The Left Behind series, its authors insist, portrays events that will really happen, soon, to America and to the world. They say that their story is more than just a story. It is, they say, “prophecy” — a foretelling of the future.

The future may not all unfold precisely as they depict it, in every particular detail, but something very much like the story in these books, L&J say, will certainly and inevitably happen. That is the central contention of this series. It is, the authors say, the main reason they wrote these books.

That distinguishes the Left Behind series from all those other stories that plotted out the destruction of America and of the world. The storytellers who gave us Independence Day, Armageddon and Deep Impact weren’t claiming that their stories foretold anything certain to happen in the future. They set out to destroy America because doing so raised the stakes in their stories. They put the fate of the entire country in jeopardy so that they could show heroes heroically saving the day (or, at least, President Morgan Freeman inspiring us to find the strength to survive).

But it’s also more than that. LaHaye and Jenkins aren’t just saying that America will be destroyed. They’re also saying that America should be destroyed.

L&J’s story won’t allow for Will Smith or Bruce Willis to save the day. It says, rather, that the destruction of the world is inevitable and right and just and good. Any so-called heroes opposing that destruction are on the wrong side of the struggle. This is what will happen, so no one can stop it. And this is what should happen, so no one should stop it. The heroes can’t save the day. This story allows for only one Savior, and he shows up at the end not to save the day but to deliver the final, graceless coup de grâce.

That makes this a very odd story.

And this section of this very odd story is particularly odd for American readers. The authors are plotting to destroy America. I’m rather fond of America. I grew up there. That’s where I keep all my stuff. My kids were going to live there after college. Some of my best friends are Americans.

So it’s difficult for me to get into the spirit of these opening chapters of Nicolae. The authors are destroying America city by city and airport by airport. And they’re celebrating its destruction as the long-awaited fulfillment of a righteous prophecy.

I just find it horrifying.

Fortunately, the horror of LaHaye’s vision for America is undercut by the unintentional hilarity of Jenkins’ attempt to portray it. Seeing these great cities destroyed at the hands of Jerry Jenkins is about as horrifying as watching a man in an ill-fitting rubber suit stomping on a bunch of shoddy miniatures meant to represent Tokyo.

And but so, America is under attack as it must and should be, and so our dashing young hero Buck Williams mustn’t waste his time trying to defend it or to prevent its destruction.

Still, though, he has to be doing something. And since he’s meant to be a heroic-seeming guy, he needs to be doing something that seems heroic, bold and decisive, even if it’s also irrelevant and ineffectual. Thus as World War III begins and bombs fall on Chicago, Jenkins has brave young Buck Williams dashing to decisively purchase a luxury SUV.

The final two pages of the first chapter thus continue what has been a major theme so far in Nicolae: Things Insecure American Men Regard as Signifiers of Masculinity. You’ll recall that we’ve already covered several of these, including:

1. Driving cars with powerful engines,
2. Belittling subordinates (or those one perceives as subordinates — meaning pretty much everybody one meets),
3. Knowing the best shortcuts so you don’t get stuck in traffic like those other losers,
4. Demonstrating one’s superior cleverness by driving in the douchebag lane.

These have all been portrayed as important indicators of essential manly competence. Each has been depicted as a proper and laudable source of masculine pride. Each is meant as a powerful signal to the world that our manly heroes can still toss the old football through the tire swing.

Next up on our list of requisite manly attributes: Taking pride in one’s ability to negotiate with a car salesman.

Jenkins takes time and great pains to show us that Buck is good at this, because he sees it as being very important and because he assumes that readers will understand it as being very important.

Buck drives a hard bargain, and we’re clearly meant to interpret this as a sign that Buck is, therefore, a Real Man. Jenkins doesn’t use that actual phrase — “drives a hard bargain” — but his emphasis here on hard-driving and driving hardness penetrates this entire passage.

Buck sat in the sales manager’s office of a Land Rover dealership. “You never cease to amaze me,” Chloe whispered.

“I’ve never been conventional, have I?”

“Hardly, and now I suppose any hope of normalcy is out the window.”

“I don’t need any excuse for being unique,” he said.

That’s our Buck — he’s amazing, unconventional and unique. And certainly not just a pathetic surrogate for an author desperately wanting to be thought of by others as amazing, unconventional and unique.

The usual business of the Land Rover dealership continues, unperturbed by the long line of cars in the traffic jam out front, or by the mushroom cloud over the nearby airport that this long line of cars is attempting to flee.

The sales manager, who had busied himself with paperwork and figuring a price, turned the documents and slid them across the desk toward Buck. “You’re not trading the Lincoln, then?”

“No, that’s a rental,” Buck said. “But I am going to ask you to return that to O’Hare for me.” Buck looked up at the man without regard to the documents.

“That’s highly unusual,” the sales manager said. “I’d have to send two of my people and an extra vehicle so they could get back.”

Oh, and also they’ll need radiation suits, because returning a rental car to O’Hare might be a bit difficult just now.

This conversation is occurring on page 18. Here, again, is the pertinent passage from page 10:

Suddenly an explosion rocked their car and nearly lifted it off its tires. … Buck scanned the horizon for what might have caused the concussion. … In the rearview mirror Buck saw a mushroom cloud slowly rise and assumed it was in the neighborhood of O’Hare International Airport, several miles away.

“Continuity error” seems like too slight a term for this. That phrase is sometimes used for things like a bandage one character is wearing in one scene of a movie but not in the next. This is a bit bigger than that. Jenkins drops a perhaps-nuclear bomb on the airport — a bomb so huge it’s concussion rocks cars several miles away. And then eight pages later he gives us a lengthy discussion on the logistics of returning a rental car to that same airport.

That’s not just a continuity error. Jenkins just did to continuity what that bomb did to O’Hare.

But none of that mushroom-cloud, destruction-of-America business interests Jenkins. His focus is on showing us our hero in action, proving his manliness and driving his rock-hard bargain:

Buck stood. “I suppose I am asking too much. Another dealer will be willing to go the extra mile to sell me a vehicle, I’m sure, especially when no one knows what tomorrow will bring.”

“Sit back down, Mr. Williams. I won’t have any trouble getting my district manager to sign off on throwing in that little errand for you.”

Well, he might have trouble doing that, since a perhaps-nuclear bomb might cause some difficulty with the phone lines, and since his district manager’s office might be a smoldering pile of rubble what with World War III raging outside.

(Or — if we play along with the continuity demolition and ignore the war — it might also be that this car dealer doesn’t really need any such permission. It might just be that he’s a veteran salesman and that he’s learned to sniff out the kind of guy who invests his masculine self-worth in his perception of himself as a tough negotiator. The car dealer long ago figured out that the best way to fleece one of these rubes was to puff up their ego, to let them think they’re a manly man who’s getting a special manly man’s deal. “I’m just an underling,” he tells them, “not a proud, independent man like yourself, so I have to get permission to do anything.” They fall for that every time.)

“You’re going to be able to drive your fully loaded Range Rover out of here within an hour for under six figures.”

“Make it half an hour,” Buck said, “and we’ve got a deal.”

The sales manager rose and thrust out his hand.

“Deal.”

Yeah, Buck really rose to the occasion, drove a hard bargain, and cut that guy down to size. What an amazing, unconventional and unique negotiator he is.

  • http://twitter.com/mcclure111 mcc

    “What I can’t stop thinking about here is the choice of  a Range Rover in the first place… A more practical solution would be a horse.”

    Fred mentioned the horse thing last week also, and the reason it really baffles me that it didn’t occur to L&J to at least attempt that path is that their story is supposed to be a “literal” rendering of the Revelation of John. I seem to remember that particular book featuring horses, literal horses, just like all over the place.

    What I’m thinking. For one thing, how do you spend all that time rereading and contemplating Revelation without at some point finding yourself absentmindedly thinking about horses, hm, horses, second horseman, what if Buck were on a horse in this scene, etc?

    For another thing, doesn’t a “literal” interpretation of Revelation require them to start using literal horses, eventually? I seem to remember seeing an excerpt from later in the series wherein Nicholae actually *does* have to get up on a horse, because that’s what the goddamn prophesy says he’s riding. If L&J want to make scenes where Nicholae rides a horse seem not-ridiculous, aren’t they going to have to prime us by establishing that at some point during this worldwide apocalypse, people start using horses for transportation as a normal thing again?

    Consider Ian McKellen’s fantastic “Richard III”, set in circa 1920s England. The movie is set in a motorized era, but the fact McKellen is using the script to Richard III means that he is going to have to feature the line “my kingdom for a horse” at some point. He seems as director to have realized that in order for that line to make sense, there are going to have to actually be some horses around. So he sets this up by tweaking reality so that in his version of the 1920s, the British military was still using some cavalry units in addition to the more modern jeeps and planes. You see soldiers with horses just kind of milling about well in advance of the point where Ian McKellen actually begins calling for a horse. It’s still a bit of a stretch, but at least he tried.

  • GeniusLemur

     And on top of everything else, we’re talking about an SUV. I don’t know about the Range Rover in particular, but SUV’s as a group are NOT tough, resilient, safe, etc. In fact, they’re scaled-up cars, so the they’re considerably more fragile than actual trucks, which were designed to be that big.

  • http://apocalypsereview.wordpress.com/ Invisible Neutrino

    My car has one of those tiny-ass compact spares, which is good from a manufacturing POV, but bad from a consimer POV since they’re not rated to roll more than ~60 miles combined, AND need a high air pressure.

  • http://apocalypsereview.wordpress.com/ Invisible Neutrino

    As I understand SUV construction in the 1990s/early 2000s when Jenkins was crapping these things out, North American auto companies basically just adapted pickup truck frames for use as enlarged station wagons (which is what SUVs used to be, basically).

    Nowadays given the notoriously bad reputation SUVs have, plus their crappy gas mileage (I knew a guy who had to spend like $150 to fill his Yukon, and that was back when it was still around a buck a liter) auto companies seem to have finally modernized their designs enough to make them look less ostentatiously in your face.

  • Münchner Kindl

    The phrase “go the extra mile” comes from the Sermon on the Mount. Buck casually throws that out there with no awareness that he is quoting Jesus (and moreover, putting himself in the role of the demanding asshole). The authors don’t seem to have any idea either; it’s such a well-known phrase, but they don’t do anything with it. It’s amazing to me that when writing, they could type those words and not have a whole host of gospel images spring to mind, urging to be referenced in the narrative.

    Well, that’s easy – the authors don’t read the gospels! They don’t apply to them after all. They only need to read revelation and a bit of Daniel, and some Leviticius about sex and gays.

  • flat

    Oh man I can’t wait for the rest of the  landrover merchandising, it seems we are gonna have a lot of fun about it.

  • http://jamoche.dreamwidth.org/ Jamoche

     It has everything. It will go anywhere. It’s indestructible. It comes with a phone. It comes with a citizen’s band radio.

    Why, it’s greased lightning!

  • http://jamoche.dreamwidth.org/ Jamoche

    The high-end replacement for spares is runflat tires, which I can testify do in fact stay drivable even when you’ve hit a pothole at 65 MPH and bounced so hard your suspension and the tire that hit it are all a total writeoff.

  • http://jamoche.dreamwidth.org/ Jamoche

    “Really rather ridiculous” : Jeremy Clarkson drives a Range Rover.

  • http://twitter.com/FearlessSon FearlessSon

     When I saw the original Godzilla film, I was surprised how impressive it was. There’s a real sense of horror and devastation that many movies (including later ones in the series) don’t accomplish. I’m inclined to think that’s partly because of the Japanese WW II experience. 

    I have noticed that the Japanese have a lot of skill when it comes to apocalyptic fiction precisely because of this.  In the words of one American commentator on The Animatrix, “The Japanese are good at doing post-apocalyptic settings because they lived through one.”  

    Barefoot Gen, Akira (the manga moreso than the film,) Appleseed, and yes, the entire Kaiju genre including Godzilla, would all be good examples of this.  

  • http://twitter.com/FearlessSon FearlessSon

    TvTropes has a good page on Mary Sues, and since a Mary Sue is more of a label applied by detractors of a work, it tends to vary from person to person depending on how it smells to them.  The page concedes this, and offers a variety of elements which might go into forming the odor of a Mary Sue.

  • http://stealingcommas.blogspot.com/ chris the cynic

    There’s an interesting article out there that follows the idea that the monsters represented countries.  Godzilla started off representing America.  The first movie was World War II.  At first it was something elsewhere, the losses were ships at sea, but then it came to Japan and destroyed cities.  And that was supposed to represent bombing raids and nuclear destruction, so of course it was horrible and focused on the civilian toll.

    After the first movie Godzilla is used to represent the post WWII relationship with America, which didn’t have as much of a death toll and ruined city vibe.  Hence the change in tone.  (One can note that Godzilla doesn’t join the side of good until Mothra tells him and Rodan to stop bickering and fight off Ghidorah=China)  Then he still ends up mind controlled a couple of times.

    Once he made the shift to good monster, he also made the shift to Japanese monster, and stopped being a representative of the US.

    So the theory goes.  It’s an interesting read.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Riastlin-Lovecraft/100000678992705 Riastlin Lovecraft

    I would just like to offer my sympathies to Lliira and whomever else may have lost anything or anyone in these fires. It’s easy to forget your pain here in a safe little European bubble kingdom, but you are in my thoughts.

  • E-foster

    im disappointed that Buck doesnt Grit His Teeth Manfully more

  • MadGastronomer

     I always thought his reading of it worked really well for the setting, though. “Get me a tank. No tanks. Fine, get me a car. No fucking cars. Fine. Get me a goddamned horse then. Is that really to much to ask? A fucking HORSE. My Kingdom for a simple goddamn HORSE,” was sort of the tone.

  • Lori

     

    There’s an interesting article out there that follows the idea that the
    monsters represented countries.  Godzilla started off representing
    America.  The first movie was World War II.  At first it was something
    elsewhere, the losses were ships at sea, but then it came to Japan and
    destroyed cities.  And that was supposed to represent bombing raids and
    nuclear destruction, so of course it was horrible and focused on the
    civilian toll. 

    It’s been a while since my monster movie watching days so I’m rusty on which thing happens in which movie. In the first movie where does Godzilla come from? Is he the product of Japanese nuclear testing like in some of the later movies or is he some naturally occurring monster that just appears one day?

    Because if Godzilla is supposed to be the US and he just appears out of nowhere to sink ships and then destroy Tokyo that’s….a problem.

  • Paulbarbee

    Indestructible? I suppose this was written before IED’s started being used in Iraq but still, a Range Rover isn’t that hard to stop. And in a city in the middle of a war a lot of people are going to see a vehicle still capable of movement as VERY valuable.  Easily valuable enough to kill the current driver for. As someone mentioned earlier it will be impossible to buy gas for it. CD players also come in very handy during a war. (/snerk> A terrible choice all around really. The term “white elephant” comes to mind.

  • http://blog.trenchcoatsoft.com Ross

    The scene in the Ian McKellen movie works better than that; when he says the line, he’s in a jeep that’s gotten stuck in the mud. You didn’t actually need any real horses: it comes off not like he’s seriously asking for one, and more like he’s just expressing his frustration as the technology fails him.

    Compare with the Leonardo DiCaprio “Romeo + Juliet” where one of the Montagues shouts “Put up your swords!” followed by a quick zoom-in on the maker’s mark on the grip of one of the guns they’re holding 

  • http://stealingcommas.blogspot.com/ chris the cynic

    Bear in mind that in the end Godzilla is killed by what amounts to a successful kamikaze attack.  Even if the theory is right, it’s not an accurate portrayal of WWII in which the monster is the US.

    At first they have no idea where the hell this thing came from, then the realize that it was produced or released by a nuclear weapon in a test but I do not remember whose nuclear weapon it was.

    So, I don’t know.

  • Amy Pemberton

    Thanks to Turner Movie Classics I just recently learned that the Americanized Godzilla which I grew up with was very different (but not better or worse) than the original Gojira.  And not just because Raymond Burr didn’t appear in 
    Gojira.  In the discussion going on here I’m not always clear which one people are talking about.  In Gojira the monster is naturally occurring but has been disturbed by nuclear testing.  And the WWII references were a lot more blatant (people talk about having to go into the bomb shelters “again!”  And the affects of the monster’s attack were clearly meant to invoke the damage of the air raids.)  You saw a lot more of the affect of the monster’s attack on the characters, but relatively less actual stomping on Tokyo.  My mom spent the first half-hour or so of 
     Gojira   saying “I’ve never seen any of this before!”  Worth checking out if you haven’t seen it before.

  • http://stealingcommas.blogspot.com/ chris the cynic

    In Gojira the monster is naturally occurring but has been disturbed by nuclear testing.

    Yes, but whose testing?

    [Added:]
    This is just to say that I’ve never seen the originals of any of them. I’d like to, but I have not.

  • Lori

     

    Bear in mind that in the end Godzilla is killed by what amounts to a
    successful kamikaze attack.  Even if the theory is right, it’s not an accurate portrayal of WWII in which the monster is the US.  

    Yeah, entertainment based on self-congratulatory wish-fulfillment is pretty much a universal phenomenon.

  • GeniusLemur

     In the original movie, Godzilla is killed when they unleash the oxygen destroyer. Then the scientist who invented it (who’s terrified someone, maybe him, will misuse it) cuts his airline to make the oxygen destroyer is lost forever. So, no it’s not a kamikaze attack, although suicide is involved.

  • Lori

    I’m pretty sure that I saw Gojira, but it was years ago and like I said, bits of different movies have gotten all jumbled together in my head.

  • http://stealingcommas.blogspot.com/ chris the cynic

    Definitely it’s not exactly the same, but Serizawa planned for it to be a suicide mission from the beginning, for the reasons you describe.

    The reason it was a suicide mission was that he thought the only way the oxygen destroyer could be used is if it took with it any chance of the device ever being used again, all of the notes were destroyed, the only thing left that could produce and oxygen destroyer was Serizawa himself.  Thus the only way he would allow the oxygen destroyer to be used is if the attack killed him.  (Not that he told people about this beforehand.)

    Completely different reasons than the actual kamikazes, but it’s definitely an attack in which the attacker is intentionally killed by the attack in hopes of inflicting massive damage on the enemy.

  • http://jamoche.dreamwidth.org/ Jamoche

    You didn’t actually need any real horses: it comes off not like he’s seriously asking for one, and more like he’s just expressing his frustration as the technology fails him.

    Yes, I was thinking of that movie before I scrolled down to see mcc reference it, and that was my take on it – I don’t even remember any real horses being around.

  • http://www.oliviareviews.com/ PepperjackCandy

     The judges would also have accepted “Elsass-Lothringen.”

  • Jessica_R

    And of course when Jenkins tries his hand at near future details it’s Minidiscs, that’s almost adorable. I wish he’d had them stop by a Cyrstal Pepsi machine too. 

  • http://blog.trenchcoatsoft.com Ross

    As I understand SUV construction in the 1990s/early 2000s when Jenkins was crapping these things out, North American auto companies basically justadapted pickup truck frames for use as enlarged station wagons (which is what SUVs used to be, basically).

    Basically. The whole reason that the industry pushed SUVs so hard was that they could get consumers to pay luxury-car prices for what amounted to a fancied-up pick-up truck (Trucks are a lot cheaper to build than cars)

  • http://blog.trenchcoatsoft.com Ross

     And on top of everything else, we’re talking about an SUV. I don’t know about the Range Rover in particular, but SUV’s as a group are NOT tough, resilient, safe, etc. In fact, they’re scaled-up cars, so the they’re considerably more fragile than actual trucks, which were designed to be that big.

    That, at least, is not a total departure from reality. Range Rover is the luxury line from Land Rover, which is basically the British analogue of Jeep.  They used to use the Range Rover base to build small emergency vehicles.

  • JonathanPelikan

    Oh, that hurt so bad when I saw that ‘dagger’ was actually on their guns and stuff.

    Much preferred the Romeo + Juliet anime. It took quite a few, ah, liberties, but it was still really good.

  • Nomuse

    Oh, hey now, let’s not be dissing the Big G!

    (Oddly enough, I just watched the original — subbed, not dubbed.  Man, that’s a strong film.)

  • gocart mozart

    World serves its own needs, listen to your heart bleed. Tell me with the Rapture and the reverent in the right—right. You vitriolic, patriotic, slam fight, bright light, feeling pretty psyched.
    It’s the end of the world as we know it.

  • arcseconds

    There is some fantastic cinematography in Gojira.  The single shot where Serizawa is watching the news, with all the fish in the aquaria behind him has particularly stuck with me. 

  • Nequam

    Yes, gentle readers, Buck Williams, world-traveler and GIRAT, is impressed that a car comes with road flares and a fire extinguisher.

    Call me naive, but are those actually standard equipment these days? (Mind you, pretty much every car I’ve owned or driven since I got my license has been used…)

  • Nenya

    Lliira, I’m so sorry. Things aren’t people, but there is so much memory stored in things. I hope your mother has somewhere safe to go and comfort in this awful time. I’m so sorry. 

  • http://blog.trenchcoatsoft.com Ross

    I’ve never known a car to come with flares, but a “roadside emergency kit” is a common extra you can buy from a dealer, and I imagine those would usually come with  them. 

  • Ima Pseudonym

     I very vaguely recall something about one of the later novels beginning with LaJenkins gushing over the most advanced weapons ever made.  I think it turned out to be a giant Supergun.

    Worldbuilding, designing an actual plausible malevolent world government, trying to imagine actual near-term weapons and technology, extrapolations of things we’re actually working on NOW, none of this shit interests Ellenjay in the slightest.  They’d rather cut right to the meat and lovingly depict Splatterchrist returning in a spray of gore to slay the sinners and then sentencing billions of people to burn for eternity in Hell screaming “JESUS IS LORD!”  over and over instead.   It’s like “Agony in Pink” for authoritarian fundamentalists.

    I get more creativity and imagination out of a bad Star Trek fanfic. 

  • christopher_young

    I very vaguely recall something about one of the later novels beginning
    with LaJenkins gushing over the most advanced weapons ever made.  I
    think it turned out to be a giant Supergun.

    That would be a V-3, from 1944?

  • GeniusLemur

    [Blockquote]none of this shit interests Ellenjay in the slightest.  They’d rather
    cut right to the meat and lovingly depict Splatterchrist returning in a
    spray of gore to slay the sinners and then sentencing billions of people
    to burn for eternity in Hell screaming “JESUS IS LORD!”  over and over
    instead.[/Blockquote]

    Actually, they wouldn’t. It takes 12 freaking books to get to Splatterchrist, books endlessly bogged down with chartering planes, lunches with the powerful, and buying cars. And when was the last time anyone said “Jesus is lord” in one of these books? Like I mentioned early on, it’s amazing how little these books care about or even mention God and Jesus.

  • aunursa

    I very vaguely recall something about one of the later novels beginning with LaJenkins gushing over the most advanced weapons ever made. I think it turned out to be a giant Supergun.

     

    Albie: Mr. Steele, I have access to just the weapon. It is roughly the size of your hand. Heavy, thus accurate. Weight is due to firing mechanism, which is normally used in oversized high-powered rifles.
    Rayford: What kind of action?
    Albie: Unique. It employs both fuel injection and hydraulic vacuum.
    Rayford: Sounds like an engine. I’ve never heard of such a thing.
    Albie: Who has? It propels a projectile at two thousand miles an hour.
    Rayford: Ammunition?
    Albie: Forty-eight caliber, high speed-naturally, soft tip, hollow point.
    Rayford: In a handgun?
    Albie: Mr. Steele, the air displacement caused by the spinning of the bullet alone has been known to sever human tissue from two inches away.
    Rayford: I don’t follow.
    Albie: A man was fired at with one of these pistols from approximately thirty feet away. The shot tore through his skin and damaged subcutaneous tissue in his upper arm. Doctors later determined that there were zero traces of metal in the tissue. The damage had been done by the speed with which the air around the spinning bullet was displaced….Albie: You simply aim and fire. The rationale behind this piece is that you do not separate the block and produce it unless you intend to shoot it. You do not shoot it unless you intend to destroy what you are shooting. If you shoot at that rock enough times, you will destroy it. If you shoot a person in a kill zone from within two hundred feet, you will kill him. If you hit him in a neutral zone from that same distance, your ammunition will sever skin, flesh, fat, tendon, ligament, muscle, and bone and will pass through the body leaving two holes. Provided you are at least ten feet away, the soft hollow-point shell has time to spread out due to the heat of the firing explosion and the centrifugal force caused by the spinning. Rifling grooves etched inside the barrel induce the spin. The projectile then will be roughly an inch and a half in diameter. Rayford: The bullet spreads into a spinning disk?
    Albie: Exactly.From Book #6, Assassins

    Albie: Mr. Steele, I have access to just the weapon. It is roughly the size of your hand. Heavy, thus accurate. Weight is due to firing mechanism, which is normally used in oversized high-powered rifles.

    Rayford: What kind of action?

    Albie: Unique. It employs both fuel injection and hydraulic vacuum.

    Rayford: Sounds like an engine. I’ve never heard of such a thing.

    Albie: Who has? It propels a projectile at two thousand miles an hour.

    Rayford: Ammunition?

    Albie: Forty-eight caliber, high speed-naturally, soft tip, hollow point.

    Rayford: In a handgun?

    Albie: Mr. Steele, the air displacement caused by the spinning of the bullet alone has been known to sever human tissue from two inches away.

    Rayford: I don’t follow.

    Albie: A man was fired at with one of these pistols from approximately thirty feet away. The shot tore through his skin and damaged subcutaneous tissue in his upper arm. Doctors later determined that there were zero traces of metal in the tissue. The damage had been done by the speed with which the air around the spinning bullet was displaced.

    Albie: You simply aim and fire. The rationale behind this piece is that you do not separate the block and produce it unless you intend to shoot it. You do not shoot it unless you intend to destroy what you are shooting. If you shoot at that rock enough times, you will destroy it. If you shoot a person in a kill zone from within two hundred feet, you will kill him. If you hit him in a neutral zone from that same distance, your ammunition will sever skin, flesh, fat, tendon, ligament, muscle, and bone and will pass through the body leaving two holes. Provided you are at least ten feet away, the soft hollow-point shell has time to spread out due to the heat of the firing explosion and the centrifugal force caused by the spinning. Rifling grooves etched inside the barrel induce the spin. The projectile then will be roughly an inch and a half in diameter. Rayford: The bullet spreads into a spinning disk?
    Albie: Exactly.From Book #6, Assassins

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Sue-White/1605859612 Sue White

    A CD player.  Seriously?  It actually says that?  The world is ending, bombs are falling around him, and he’s sitting in a car dealer’s office, buying a car, and noting that it has a friggin’ CD player???  What’s he going to do next, stop off at the mall to buy some 2-inch CD’s?  And maybe a latte?  Wait a minute, it doesn’t say anything about cup holders!  Dude, the deal’s off if it doesn’t have cup holders!

  • aunursa

    The world is ending, bombs are falling around him, and he’s sitting in a car dealer’s office, buying a car, and noting that it has a friggin’ CD player??? 

    Nicolae Dramatic Audio *
    The Rapture in the 21st Century – Tim LaHaye Ministries

    * I have an idea.  Get me the video cassette of Spaceballs: The Movie.

  • Tonio

     I’m almost disappointed that this passage is too clinical, as if Ellanjay had lifted it from an encyclopedia or catalog. It would have been funnier if they had written it more like gun porn, where Rayford comes close to salivating over the brutality.

  • PJ Evans

     Most cars don’t come with fire extinguishers either. But ‘roadside emergency kits’ should have two or three flares and a safety reflector.

  • PJ Evans

    It propels a projectile at two thousand miles an hour.

    Mach 3? I assume the projectiles make little teeny sonic booms when they go by?

  • thatotherjean

     im disappointed that Buck doesnt Grit His Teeth Manfully more

    Are you kidding?  Do you know how much he PAID  for all those porcelain veneers?

  • Tricksterson

    Personally if I was the GIRAT I’d turn up my nose at any car that didn’t come with twin rocket launchers and it’s own fog machine.

  • http://jamoche.dreamwidth.org/ Jamoche

    And a recoil of at least 3x your typical .44 Magnum. Better hope the guy you shot doesn’t have a friend because you won’t be terribly interested in rapid-fire.

  • thatotherjean

    Wait. . .the superweapon is a  *handgun*?!   I’ll bet the recoil’s a bitch.

    Edited to add: I see Jamoche has that covered.


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