Culture warriors produce a new, improved Bible

Fundamentalist Christians are fond of the final verses of the book of Revelation:

The grace of the Lord Jesus be with all the saints.

No, not that one, of course. They don’t tend to think of “grace” as a defining characteristic of the Lord Jesus. Nor do they believe such grace should be extended to all the saints (at least not to all the people who claim to be among the saints — certainly not to the egalitarians, liberals, homosexuals, Episcopalians, papists, peaceniks, etc.).

No, they’re fond of the verses before that one:

The Spirit and the bride say, ‘Come.’
And let everyone who hears say, ‘Come.’
And let everyone who is thirsty come.
Let anyone who wishes take the water of life as a gift.

No, no, no — not those verses either, obviously. And certainly not these ones from earlier in that chapter:

Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, bright as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb through the middle of the street of the city. On either side of the river is the tree of life with its twelve kinds of fruit, producing its fruit each month; and the leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations.

“The healing of the nations”? That’s hippy-talk! Plus it sounds like some kind of internationalist U.N. plot. Smells a bit too much like Agenda 21.

No, the part of this chapter they love is verses 18 and 19:

I warn everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this book: if anyone adds to them, God will add to that person the plagues described in this book; if anyone takes away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God will take away that person’s share in the tree of life and in the holy city, which are described in this book.

Ah, yes, that’s the stuff — curses and plagues. Now we’re talking.

By “this book,” John of Patmos meant his book — his apocalypse, or what we call the book of Revelation. But fundamentalists, once again stretching that word “literally,” apply John’s threat of a curse to the entire Bible, by which they mean the 66-book Western Protestant Christian Bible — a canon that wasn’t settled on until centuries after John was writing.

This is a remarkably brazen bit of exegetical chutzpah, if you think about it. Here is John, explicitly warning his readers not to tamper with the words or the meaning of his vision. And here come the fundies, tampering with the meaning of his words from that very warning. By applying his words to 65 other books that John was not applying them to, they change the meaning of his words and, thus, are both adding to and taking away from the words of his book.

And yet, if you spend any time among American fundamentalists, reading their literature or listening to their sermons, you’re bound to hear these verses invoked and always as applying to the entire canon of their Protestant, King James Bible.

But there’s another level of chutzpah at work here, too. Because as frequently as you will hear this interpretation of these two verses invoked, you’ll hear this same strained interpretation violated even more often.

Joe Jervis points us to a recent, and very typical, example: Something called the “Truth For Youth” Bible.

This “enhanced” edition of the Bible is now being promoted by the American Family Association (home of AIDS-denier Bryan Fischer) and its boycott-happy wing, One Million Moms (home of dozens of moms). It’s produced by evangelist Tim Todd, who seems nostalgic for the Satanic panic of the 1980s.

Here’s part of AFA’s description of this “unique evangelism outreach”:

The Truth For Youth Bible consists of the New Testament in the God’s Word translation, along with 100 pages of powerful full color comic stories that are packed with “absolute truth” regarding issues young people are faced with, such as: Sexual Purity, Homosexuality, Abortion, Pornography, Evolution, Drugs, Drunkenness, Peer Pressure, School Violence, Sorcery, Witchcraft and Secular Rock Music. God’s wonderful plan of salvation is incorporated into each of the stories.

This solves a great dilemma for culture warriors. They really wish the Bible spent more time talking about the things they’re obsessed with, but the actual Bible is a terrible disappointment on this score. Yeah, it’s got a handful of clobber verses on homosexuality and drunkenness, but not nearly as many as they wish were in there.

And when it comes to condemning abortion or secular rock music, the Bible is silent and therefore pretty much useless.

So what’s a righteous culture warrior to do? What else? They just have to add new stories to the Bible — “issue-based” culture-war stories that teach the lessons the Bible ought to have taught if it hadn’t been such a disappointment in its original form.

And then, to make sure that no one treats these new, added sections as less meaningful, they stress that these additions are “absolute truth.”

The result is a new, improved Bible — a book that no one is ever going to mistake for one that would advocate, or even tolerate, “the healing of the nations.”

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  • AnonymousSam

    Hi, my name is Samael. You know, your resident Satan? Actually, that’s not really my name, but attempting to pronounce my true name would cause your head to implode. You represent it nowadays as the inverted form of IHVH, or Daemon Est Deus Inversus. Anyway, I heard recently that I had some new followers who are making trouble for people here on Earth. I just want to assure everyone that fulfilling my role as Adversary sometimes requires putting a little garbage on the mortal plane in order to make you appreciate cleanliness that much more. I never do more than I absolutely need to, and rest assured, I work closely with Jehovah to ensure that the boundaries of good taste are never unnecessarily violated.

    Wait, these kids are saying they serve God? And they’ve got a Bible?

    Oh, well. That’s has nothing to do with either of us, I’m afraid.

  • Rissa

    Fred, all your best posts never fail to induce in me a gutwrenching bout of anxiety over whether or not I am emotionally equipped to handle the backlash of linking to them on facebook.

    Anxiety-riddled tho’ I be, well done. Love this.

  • http://apocalypsereview.wordpress.com/ Invisible Neutrino

    warn everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this book: if
    anyone adds to them, God will add to that person the plagues described
    in this book;

    I told this story before, but I think it bears repeating.

    The level of respect I used to have for the Bible was such that when I read those words in Revelation, I was terrified of even annotating my Bible, because I felt that would be “adding to” the words and I was not about to risk anything there.

    Now, today, I know that’s an incorrect feeling, but the point I wanted to make is that if a person wants to claim that every word in their Bible should be taken as-is, altering its meaning in order to slant towards a preconceived ideological end shows a profound lack of reverence for the very thing they praise so highly.

  • http://dpolicar.livejournal.com/ Dave

    Actually, I think on reflection I endorse this.
    It’s a lot easier for people to understand that two different religious traditions are different if they adopt different Scriptures.
    If the culture warriors want to drop the existing scriptures and write themselves a new Bible, like the Mormons and the Christians did before them, it seems like they’d be making the playing field much clearer.

  • AnonymousSam

    Unfortunately, a large component of their methodology is a process of subversion and replacement. “You’re not a true X unless you believe Y. To ensure that everyone believes Y, we’re going to keep repeating this, inserting this into schooling, into daily rhetoric and policy until every X believes Y.”

    Just look at the Republican party.

  • http://twitter.com/rebelsquirrel Not That Thena

    “Exegetical Chutzpah” needs to be the name of my next band.  I’m not sure what genre, though.  

  • D9000

    I thought Andy Schalfly was in charge of Bible re-writing?

  • Loki100

    Yes, but he ran into problems with the fact that the entire project existed just to get rid of the story of the woman at the well, and that’s a hell of a lot of work just to delete one passage.

  • PJ Evans

     Wasn’t he having some trouble with other verses, too? I don’t think the Beatitudes exactly fit his definition of Christianity, and as for selling all he has and giving the proceeds to the poor….

  • D9000

    He was last seen whaling on the woman taken in adultery (the story, not an actual woman), and claiming forgiveness is not a virtue.

  • PJ Evans

     Well, considering what comes out of the mouths of some of his co-religionists.
    Todd Akin, from Missouri, is claiming that women who are raped can’t get pregnant from it:

    “First of all, from what I understand from doctors [pregnancy from rape]
    is really rare,” Akin told KTVI-TV in an interview posted Sunday. “If
    it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that
    whole thing down.”

  • EllieMurasaki

    That would be delightful if true (at least compared to the reality), but no. If we could ensure no pregnancy from rape without use of contraceptives, we could also ensure no pregnancy from consensual sex without use of contraceptives, and then the Catholic Church would have to shut up about many things related to the subject.

  • http://lliira.dreamwidth.org/ Lliira

    Why is this asshole getting air time? Oh right, because misogyny sells, and lots of people wish that women would be treated the way we were in ancient Athens. The women and slaves should do all the work so that certain men can sit around pontificating and using the women and slaves as sex toys. Even Rome thought that was a ridiculous way to run things.

  • PJ Evans

     He’s running for the Senate against Claire McCaskill. We can hope that this bit will get people thinking – but it’s Missouri.

  • JonathanPelikan

    Every single time I load up a Youtube video that has ads, I get a local one targeted against ol’ Claire. It’s called ‘Taxcathalon’ and poses the question ‘What if Congress got medals?’ In about ten seconds it imputes that she would be likely to medal in the ‘wasteful spending’ finals because of the ‘2 trillion dollar health care law’ (not calling it Onamacare anymore since, like most of their treasonous schemes, it’s biting them on their collective asses now) and ‘failed stimulus’ (if we assert shit enough times our dumbfuck conservative fuckers will just accept it because they’re not functional adult humans anymore in a political sense)

    I don’t know how many more ways I can express my bone-deep hatred for conservatives. I’m ashamed to be from Missouri (again). (It’s not a feeling unknown to Democrats in the home state of the Republican cultural leader Rush Limbaugh.)

  • Lori

     

    Why is this asshole getting air time? 

    Because he’s a major party candidate for the Senate. Which pretty well tells you all you need to know about the current state of the Missouri GOP.

  • http://apocalypsereview.wordpress.com/ Invisible Neutrino

    Lori: Oh, joy.

    Tonio: There does seem to be an unfortunate correspondence of the circles of misogyny :(

  • Tonio

    Unfortunate? You don’t suspect that “legitimately raped women can’t get pregnant” (pardon me while I retch) is just a rationalization for denying women abortions in case of rape, a way to call them liars? Not that the slut-shaming in the exceptions for rape and incest is any better.

  • Wingedwyrm

    It does produce a thin veil for them to use to claim that “she already made her choice” actually means something.

  • http://apocalypsereview.wordpress.com/ Invisible Neutrino

    To my understanding, even some of the more right-wing types are decrying the “can’t get pregnant” statement, so there isn’t a perfect correspondence.

    But it IS a very nasty attempt to rationalize denying women effective help after having been raped. :(

  • Wingedwyrm

    It also tells you the logical conclusion of one of their primary concern being whether or not a particular candidate is conservative enough.  That is, not “are they qualified” or “do they share my personal opinions on the key issues” but “are they members of my Tribe”

    It essentially eliminates having a well-thought-out opinion because anything sufficiently well thought through is going to differ from the simplest expression of ideology.  This creates a selection pressure on political servants and political pundits to restrict all intellectual exercises to delving deeper into the ideology that feels real and ignoring facts regarding whether or not they are real.

  • Tricksterson

    That’s…ummm…uh… OH FUCK HIM WITH A ROTO ROOTER!

  • PJ Evans

     I was more like: too bad he can’t actually get pregnant.
    (Although I’ve read some SF that had aliens that could take care of that.)

  • http://brandiweed.livejournal.com/ Brandi

    I was more like: too bad he can’t actually get pregnant.

    A dark and nasty part of me wishes something like the curse in the short story “Lukundoo” would befall all those who cry over the “snowflake babies” that will never be born.

  • http://blog.trenchcoatsoft.com Ross

    (Warning: Rape discussion, involving pro-life misinformation)

     THat particular piece of fucknuttery has been going around for a while. In 2006, an  ER doctor told interviewers that the trauma of rape “triggers a hormonal response that prevents ovulation.”  In 1995, a republican representative told the House appropriations committe that “people who are raped — who are truly raped — the juices don’t flow, the body functions don’t work and they don’t get pregnant.”.  In 1988, a PA state representative claimed that “real rape” causes women to “secret a certain secretion” that acts as a spermacide. “Physicians For Life” takes a different tack, and calculates that the odds of getting pregnant from rape, using some questionable math, as being so low that there just aren’t enough rapes in a year for more than 1 or 2 pregnancies to result. (They estimate that only 1/3 of rape victims are within the right age window, and only 10% of those will be at the right place in their cycle, and onyl 3/4 of those (this is where they start cheating on the math) aren’t already infertile for other reasons, and only 85% of those aren’t on the pill, and 15% of rapists, on average, are sterile, and the base rate of conception is only 20%, and 15% of pregnancies miscarry anyway. And if you cheat and apply the numbers all in that order, the odds are astronomical. But they also throw in this gem:

    Finally, factor in what is certainly one of the most important reasons why a rape victim rarely gets pregnant, and that’s psychic trauma. Every woman is aware that stress and emotional factors can alter her menstrual cycle. To get and stay pregnant a woman’s body must produce a very sophisticated mix of hormones. Hormone production is controlled by a part of the brain that is easily influenced by emotions. There’s no greater emotional trauma that can be experienced by a woman than an assault rape. This can radically upset her possibility of ovulation, fertilization, and implantation.

    )But yeah. Hey, why *wouldn’t* they flock to a theory that lets them ban abortions for rape victims AND ALSO deny that rape even happend in the first place? It’s a win-win for someone who hates women.

  • http://www.blogger.com/home?pli=1 Coleslaw

    So they are saying that rape acts the way that the morning after pill actually does, while insisting the morning after pill is an abortifacient. 

  • JonathanPelikan

    So he’s saying basically that women’s bodies are abortifacient (hate that word) machines. No wonder we need to regulate them heavily!

  • JonathanPelikan

    Speaking as a citizen living in Missouri I would like to take this opportunity to officially fucking apologize to the entirety of the rest of existence for wasting its time

  • Madhabmatics

     You realize that if any state at all passes a personhood amendment I am now honorbound to make fun of that state as being “more conservative than Mississippi” right?

  • PJ Evans

     Not everyone in Missouri (or Oklahoma, or Kansas) is wasting the time of the rest of the universe. (Speaking as someone with living and dead relatives in all of the above.)

  • JonathanPelikan

    Yeah, I know, I was just speaking out of an immediate gut-reaction to that quote and verifying that, yes, he really did actually say those words in that order in a sentence of language.

  • PJ Evans

     And the turkey (no disrespect to turkeys intended) is on the science and technology committee in the House. I don’t know – maybe he’s the only GOP member they could find who had a degree in anything resembling actual science and technology – but he should have learned better by the time he got into college.

  • http://profiles.google.com/marc.k.mielke Marc Mielke

    I expect he’d cut out the whole unpleasantness with the moneychangers as well. 

  • Loquat

    Oh, he doesn’t need to remove the moneychangers – just make sure to cast them as Liberal Bureaucrats instead of Self-Reliant Entrepreneurs, and then it’s totally acceptable for Jesus to throw them out. 

  • Tonio

    It’s the Jack Chick Bible at last!

  • Worthless Beast

    The “We Gotta Fix the Bible!” comment…

    Raise your hand if you, like me, are reminded of an episode of “Firefly.” 

  • Tricksterson

    Except River was essentially doing a whatever-century-that-was-supposed-to-be version of the Jeffersonian Bible, cutting out those parts that went contrary to the laws of science.  These clowns are doing the opposite if anything.

  • Loki100

    The bible publishing racket is such a… well racket. It is, however, the perfect example of epistemological closure as well as the fact that when it comes to economics, people aren’t rational.

    The entire bible, and dozens of translations of it are all in the public domain. Bible Gateway has at least twenty English translations available for free. Which means that the only reason people would bother buying a bible is for the expanded material which tells them exactly what to think about each passage in nice little footnotes and sidebars.

    Although my experience is that no youth actually buy these bibles, they are bought by grandparents, aunts and uncles and given to the youth. Which is why Truth for Youth looks like some 60-year-old conservative’s idea of what a 16-year-old should be interested in.

  • Fusina

     Well, that and in spite of the year, not everyone is online yet.

  • Loki100

    True. But there are actually lots of ways to get free bibles, as well as dirt cheap ones (even dirt cheap new ones!).

    There is literally no reason for anyone to buy these big, expensive, money making bibles except that there is some priority other than buying the actual bible.

  • Edo

    Thank you for that last paragraph; I’d agree with it and take it further. There’s a huge number of Bibles that I look at and immediately wonder, “Why would anybody buy that for themselves?” A lot of those hideous layouts make much more sense if they’re being bought for somebody else.

    The rest of your post, not so much. There are good and valid reasons to buy physical Bibles, not least of which is that formats aren’t interchangeable.

  • http://deird1.dreamwidth.org Deird

    The entire bible, and dozens of translations of it are all in the public domain. Bible Gateway has at least twenty English translations available for free. Which means that the only reason people would bother buying a bible is for the expanded material which tells them exactly what to think about each passage in nice little footnotes and sidebars.

    1) I like physical books much better than on-screen stuff.

    2) My favourite translations aren’t public domain.

    3) I like hardcover Bibles better than softcover.

    4) I want the funky “NIV on the left, Message on the right” thing where you get to see two translations at once.

    5) Pretty covers are cool.

    …which bit is about the expanded material?

  • http://profiles.google.com/marc.k.mielke Marc Mielke

    DVD-style extras would be kind of cool. Director’s commentary, deleted scenes, blooper reel…

  • SisterCoyote

     

    Which means that the only reason people would bother buying a bible is
    for the expanded material which tells them exactly what to think about
    each passage in nice little footnotes and sidebars.

    I actually prefer reading books in physical form. Including, possibly especially, the Bible. I haven’t actually bought a Bible… ever, though; my dad gave me a KJV when I was baptised. It’s one of the very few things from that era I still treasure and actually didn’t manage to lose somewhere in the several-hosue moves.

    When I read the Qur’an all the way through, I fully intend to track down a physical copy; it would feel disrespectful to read the Bible in paper form, but not do so for someone else’s religious writings.

  • PJ Evans

     There are versions of the Qur’an that are annotated and have the Arabic-text version also: http://www.powells.com/biblio/1-9780140445428-6 (N J Dawood)

  • SisterCoyote

     Shiny. Thanks!

  • Madhabmatics

     As a Muslim, I recommend Muhammad Asad’s  annotation.

    http://www.amazon.com/The-Message-Quran-Muhammad-Asad/dp/1904510000

    Besides being huge and intimidating (which are important to people who still live in the age of “not having copies of your book on every electronic device possible”) and having the text in both Arabic, Arabic-Transliteration and English

    http://i.imgur.com/fMEqM.jpg

    The annotations are important for understanding the Quran because the Quran doesn’t say everything.

    Okay, now that you have stopped laughing because it’s obvious, let me explain a bit more.

    The Quran itself acknowledges that it doesn’t explain everything. It’s very context depending, and even simple things in it sometimes rely on you having “been there” – and no one has “been there” in a long time. So to clarify things, we are told to also examine the Sunnah, which is basically “the rest of the context” including the Hadith, which are the writings of a bunch of dudes who were there and thought “Gee, it might be a good thing to write so in the future people will have at least some clue of what was going on.”

    There are some things that just seem so obvious when you are reading an English translation, but then if you go back and see how things actually played out, it could be something absurdly different. Even if you think that the book isn’t divinely inspired (such as everyone here except for me) it’s important to read it with the Hadith in mind to know how it actually turned out in practice.

    Muhammad Asad (born Leopold Weiss) was a Jewish convert to Islam who became a great expert on the Islamic theological-judicial system in it’s classical form, which is pretty different from how most non-Muslims (and some Muslims) understand it now. The advantage to picking up Asad is that his legal background encompasses all sorts of classical sources, as opposed to many tafsirs / annotated Qurans which rely on a really limited group of scholars (occasionally dipping down to “This one scholar we like, but only parts of him because he thinks you should be able to visit graves!”)

  • PJ Evans

     I’ll keep it in mind. (I can ask a couple of the people at work where I can find it.)

  • Lori

     

    “This one scholar we like, but only parts of him because he thinks you should be able to visit graves!”  

    Not to wander too far afield, but you’re not allowed to visit graves?

  • Madhabmatics

    Pilgrimages have been pretty popular in Islam as well as in Christianity, especially for Sufi and Shia Muslims – but even Sunnis have been known to do things like want to visit the graves of saints. There have been a lot of critics over the centuries too, though (mostly when people interpret “pilgrimages” as “worshipping the dead.”)

    Salafi Muslims base a lot of their teachings on Ibn Tamiyyah, who was actually imprisoned in the 1300s for his writing that visiting graves was a sin. They take it very seriously, so much so that graveyards that might be too popular with visitors are destroyed in Saudi Arabia to prevent them from becoming pilgrimage sites.

     So when it comes to reading the opinions of scholars, you frequently get things like “Oh, this person agrees with us here, but ignore everything else because he also thought pilgrimages to gravesites were okay.” This even applies to Ibn Tamiyyah, except it goes “Ignore everything he says about ghosts!”

  • Lori

    Huh. I did not know that. That’s for answering my question.

  • Dan Audy

    That is, interestingly enough, one of the reasons the Baha’i faith instituted a law that you should be buried within an hour’s travel of where you died.  When Baha’u’llah observed the problems and expenses involved with people having their remains transported to be buried at Mecca or other ‘popular’ grave sites he decided to avoid that issue with his followers.

  • LouisDoench

     Having just driven through South Dakota I find this requirement burdensome. You can drive for hours between towns out west. 

  • Matri

    Imagine being strapped to a Saturn V.

    Technically, it will still be an hour’s travel.

  • PJ Evans

     I think – and I could very well be wrong – it’s because there’s a tendency to turn the graves of leaders into shrines, and even to start praying to them. (Think of people making pilgrimages to the Reagan Library.)

  • JonathanPelikan

    ”  So to clarify things, we are told to also examine the Sunnah, which is basically “the rest of the context” including the Hadith, which are the writings of a bunch of dudes who were there and thought “Gee, it might be a good thing to write so in the future people will have at least some clue of what was going on.”  ”

    I am blown away by this. I’m serious. Why isn’t this required of, like, every holy text every made?

  • christopher_young

    As a Muslim…

    I hadn’t realised that. Eid mubarak!

    I recommend Muhammad Asad’s  annotation.

    That is incredibly helpful, as is the rest of your post. It’s long past time I did something about my ignorance of the Quran.

  • Edo

    FWIW, the Qur’an isn’t so much a text as a lectionary. First and foremost it’s meant to be read *aloud.* (Which is why Muslims don’t consider translations to be the Qur’an at all. It’d be like trying to translate the KJV into Arabic.)

    Read as you want (I have too), but check out the tajwid on Youtube, because without audio you’ll miss out on a HUGE part of the experience.

  • Joshua


    The entire bible, and dozens of translations of it are all in the public domain. Bible Gateway has at least twenty English translations available for free. Which means that the only reason people would bother buying a bible is for the expanded material which tells them exactly what to think about each passage in nice little footnotes and sidebars. 

    Many modern translations are copyrighted. A shame, but understandable as they do represent years of work by a whole team of people, all of which presumably enjoy food and shelter. The copyright licenses tend to be quite permissive, but not so permissive that “chuck the whole text online for download” is a legal option.

    Many are also not favoured by American evangelicals who tend to be the ones putting stuff up online, more often than not.

    So it’s kinda hard to find online Bible stuff that represents the best of modern scholarship from other streams of Christianity. The best general-purpose translation I know is the NRSV, which is at http://bible.oremus.org/ but not often elsewhere. I’ve never been able to find a current version of the UBS Greek New Testament online, it’s all public domain stuff more than a hundred years old. In the places I’ve looked, it’s similar for the Hebrew Bible, although I don’t know the language so don’t look so much.

  • Sgt. Pepper’s Bleeding Heart

    The entire bible, and dozens of translations of it are all in the public domain. Bible Gateway has at least twenty English translations available for free. Which means that the only reason people would bother buying a bible is for the expanded material which tells them exactly what to think about each passage in nice little footnotes and sidebars.

    Not everyone has internet access on demand. Or a computer.

    Also, what Deird said.

    Also, yay, another person telling me with certainty what my motivations are.

  • Zia

    Personally, I’m a bit stuck on the fact that “sorcery and witchcraft” made it onto the list of issues that teens are likely to be faced with.

  • Albanaeon

     DnD, MMO’s, tarot cards, Halloween, and sometimes even Santa Claus.  More or less anything fun outside their pre-approved list of things that you can have fun with.

  • http://mistformsquirrel.deviantart.com/ mistformsquirrel

     I can vouch for this.  Everything is “Of Satan” until proven otherwise.

  • http://deird1.dreamwidth.org Deird

    DnD, MMO’s, tarot cards, Halloween, and sometimes even Santa Claus.

    Harry Potter, Buffy, pentagram necklaces, meditation, new age music…

  • The_L1985

    Cootie catchers, Aladdin, anything with vampires in it (even as the bad guys)…

  • http://lliira.dreamwidth.org/ Lliira

    Any video games with fantastical elements…

    When I worked in a video game store, a woman came in and yelled at me for selling her 17-year old daughter Final Fantasy XII. Because it was demonic. Because there was magic in it. Then she told me not to laugh at her — I guess I didn’t control my expression well enough. 

  • http://heathencritique.wordpress.com/ Ruby_Tea

    Which is additionally hilarious because according to many fundies, non-Christian magic and curses do exist and work.  I figured for a long time that they just thought it was all fake, but no, if Left Behind and Jack Chick have taught me anything, it’s that fundies are afraid their kids will go out and perform black magic rituals that work, not just that they’ll be seduced away from Christianity by cool jewelry and religion without Sunday school. 

  • http://lliira.dreamwidth.org/ Lliira

    I took multiple classes from an incredibly hot professor about early modern Europe. (He was married to an awesome woman who taught classes about Rome at the same university.) While he was an expert in the subject, especially the Italian city-states, his passion and writing was in the subject of the persecution of women as witches in early modern Europe. So we ended up talking a lot about that in class, as you do.

    There was a girl in the class who claimed that the gynocide was legitimate because those women really were all witches. She ended up walking out of class one day and then dropping it, while the rest of us ended up wondering how she’d gotten an education which allowed her to get into college while believing that.

  • AnonymousSam

    I’ve yet to find out if this picture is by a poe, and I’m not at all sure it is.

  • http://brandiweed.livejournal.com/ Brandi

    Not all vampires are bothered by crosses, if a certain scene in The Fearless Vampire Killers was any indication.

  • http://profiles.google.com/marc.k.mielke Marc Mielke

    Peter Watts had a good one – aversion to right angles. 

  • AnonymousSam

    I prefer to reply in kind.

    IF THE SÍDHE AREN’T REAL, WHY DO LEPRECHAUNS HAVE GOLD AT THE END OF THE RAINBOW?

    Looks like it’s last call — *Sunglasses* — for Abhartach.

    YEAAAAAAAAAAH!

  • JonathanPelikan

    Has to be a poe. The ‘checkmate!’ really drives it home. See; the world of Edward Current on YouTube. That’s his favorite verbal tic in some vidoes. ‘Checkmate, atheists!’

  • SisterCoyote

     It’s kinda funny, because that mindset probably makes it easier for kids who leave Christianity to move towards Paganism. If you’re raised in a middle-line moderate modern suburban type family, (probably) witches and magic are stories on TV, fairy tales. If you’re raised in a fundie-far-right family, witches are lurking around every corner and your grandmother/the mayor/your dad’s secretary probably are convening with Satan every night.

  • AnonymousSam

    The video game company one of my friends works in occasionally gets e-mails about how the sorcery used in the games is proof that the company advocates Satanism. This is true even of the K rated games with cartoon characters throwing fish at cats.

  • JonathanPelikan

    of course he’d deny it

  • Tricksterson

    I don’t suppose it occured to her that as long as it wasn’t rated beyond her age that it wasn’t your place to decide what she should buy?  That that is in fact the responsibility of her parents?

  • http://lliira.dreamwidth.org/ Lliira

    That that is in fact the responsibility of her parents?

    Bwahahahahahahahahahahahah!

    Oh wait, you were serious? Working in retail for so many years has made me unable to understand the phrase “responsibility of the parents” in any meaningful way. Because what responsibility? Random strangers who make minimum wage selling video games are supposed to babysit the kids and take whatever crap the kids and their parents throw at them — the idea that the parents should do anything about this is completely alien to society, isn’t it?

  • http://twitter.com/FearlessSon FearlessSon

    That that is in fact the responsibility of her parents?

    Bwahahahahahahahahahahahah!

    Oh wait, you were serious? Working in retail for so many years has made me unable to understand the phrase “responsibility of the parents” in any meaningful way. Because what responsibility? Random strangers who make minimum wage selling video games are supposed to babysit the kids and take whatever crap the kids and their parents throw at them — the idea that the parents should do anything about this is completely alien to society, isn’t it?

    After college, I worked for fifteen months in a Game Crazy store, situated between three schools, elementary, middle, and high, in the middle of a relatively low-income neighborhood (the house I grew up in was a fifteen minute walk away.)  Come three o’clock, the kids would come flooding in.
    Parents rarely came to snatch them away, and some parents would send them over to entertain themselves where the parent did not have to bother.  It got so bad that paying customers were being driven to a more distant location because of all the kids abusing the free-play stations for as many hours as they could get away with.  Time limits were ineffective, as they could just go out of the store and come back in another entrance and there were too many of them to track.  We eventually had to make a house rule that you were not allowed to use the demo stations unless you had a parent or guardian present.  That rule got at least one parent pissed off at us because they sent the kid there to be occupied.  

    I remember one mother who was buying games for her eight year old kid.  She was getting him Grand Theft Auto 3 and Grand Theft Auto: Vice City.  While I would sell to her if she insisted, I explained to her that these titles were really not targeted at kids, and listed (as company policy required) all the content labels on a product purchased for a child.  She insulted me, told me I did not know when to shut up, and insisted on finishing the purchase.  

    The next week she came back insisting on a refund for Vice City saying it was the same game.  I explained that it was not the same, it was a sequel to the other.  She asserted back that being similar makes them the same.  

    The last time I saw her was after I put in my two week notice that I was quitting.  She apologized for her prior behavior without prompting.  I thanked her and told her that I would no longer be present to annoy her.  I had enough of that job.

  • Tricksterson

    Not entirely serious.  It was an ironic statement to the effect that it should be the responsibility of the parents. 

  • Tricksterson

    I’m suspecting that’s a mighty short list

  • AnonymousSam

     eBay recently banned the sale of spells and enchantments. Some of them were even bid on, including this limited edition triple-cast Romanian wealth spell… sold at a mere $1025 at 36 bids.

  • Jeff Weskamp

    How much for a Ukrainian Haunting Spell?

    (Clap your hands if you get the reference!)  ;-)

  • The_L1985

    Well, the spell worked–for the seller!

  • Madhabmatics

    Did you know that C.S. Lewis was, in fact, King of the Witches, and Aslan is actually the feline equivalent of a satanist Black Mass?

     Witches and sorcerers are always trying to push him on innocent Christian children.*

    *a thing I have literally heard come out of the mouth of youth pastors

  • http://mistformsquirrel.deviantart.com/ mistformsquirrel

    I’m not surprised, and yet at the same point I am on some level… I just…

    That’s it, I’m colonizing Mars.  ( . .)

  • The_L1985

    Wicca is the fastest-growing religion in the United States.

    The fact that Wiccans don’t proselytize, and that there are still maybe 2 or 3 million of us, tops, is lost on the Culture Warriors.

  • PJ Evans

    lost on the Culture Warriors

    If they ever admitted that they’re not a persecuted minority, but closer to a persecuting majority, they’d probably lose all their faith…or so they seem to think.

  • Turcano

    I’ve got nothing against Wiccans, but the idea that they don’t proselytize isn’t quite true.

  • http://www.nicolejleboeuf.com/index.php Nicole J. LeBoeuf-Little

    From the Infamous Brad Hicks article that Turcano linked:

    The fact of the matter is that while there may be individuals who are quiet and discrete about their Witchcraft, who don’t go out of their way to foist it off onto people, as a group Witches are the most
    prosyletizing religion in America.

    (Emphasis mine.)

    After such blatant hyperbole, I’m honestly not sure that I’m supposed to take the article as anything but broad satire. The comments all read as dead-serious, but the article? Wiccans more proselytizing than the 0% claimed, OK, sure, but “most
    prosyletizing religion in America”? Most? Really? More so than the religion that pretty much every politician has to prove they belong to before they’re a viable candidate for office? Really?

    And the evidence for this is… we wear religious symbols, and don’t always shy away from answering questions about it, and offer to loan books if the person we’re talking to wants to know more?

    The Hicks article made as much sense as “Gays really are trying to convert your sons — haven’t you ever wondered why they have those Gay Pride parades where they’re so totally visible? Also, I knew someone who was gay who was a real asshole about it, ergo there is a gay agenda.”

    Please tell me I’ve just been trolled?

  • Turcano

    He has mentioned elsewhere that he has had some bad experiences while in the Wiccan community, so I suppose some bias is understandable.  But that’s how Christians who aren’t obnoxious prats proselytize too.

  • http://openid.aol.com/proteusfirma Haven
  • http://www.facebook.com/angelia.sparrow Angelia Sparrow

    Paganism, in particular Wicca, is the fastest growing religion in the US. There are as many of us as there are Muslims.  It’s a big issue for Christians, that their teens are joining us. My oldest was 14 when she asked to check out the local pagan group. My youngest got into it at 9. We hung around the edges for a while and are active participants now.

  • JonathanPelikan

    Catching mages early can help us turn them from the path of blood magic and convince them to voluntarily join the Circle, though. We must root out the maleficarum and what better way than to start with the youngest magic-users in the Maker’s realm?

  • Baby_Raptor

    Look what happened to poor Connor of Redcliffe…

  • christopher_young


    Personally, I’m a bit stuck on the fact that “sorcery and witchcraft” made it onto the list of issues that teens are likely to be faced with.

    Can’t have them reading Harry Potter now, they might not be able to spot that it’s  fiction.

  • Albanaeon

    I think a correction is in order.  Fundamentalists do NOT revere the Bible.  They revere the IDEA of a Bible, as in something that says, irrefutably, that THEY ARE RIGHT.  Which is why the Actual Bible is so tricky for them.  It’s got a bunch of useful clobber verses, but a whole bunch of things that aren’t (like most of that Jesua characters stuff…).  They’re ideology doesn’t leave them a choice as to keep the Bible (It’s the WORD OF GOD, after all), and writing a more suitable book is what those Muslims and Mormons do, so they are stuck.  However, making sure that What God Actually Means is forefront is (waves hands furiously) OKAY.  After all how are all us sinners and liberals and the like gonna know the most important part.  THEY ARE RIGHT!

  • JonathanPelikan

    A bit related to how they claim to love ‘the family’ and yet take every opportunity to rip it asunder whenever they find a legitimate example of a family. Or how they claim to love ‘America’ and yet take every opportunity to shit on everything this nation was founded to achieve and symbolize. Or how they claim to support ‘the troops’ but can’t be bothered to get off of a single Gods-damned thin dime to help our real soldiers when they really get absolutely fucked in real wars that their side started in the first place.

    I hate them. I really do.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Patrick-McGraw/100001988854074 Patrick McGraw

    I think a correction is in order.  Fundamentalists do NOT revere the
    Bible.  They revere the IDEA of a Bible, as in something that says,
    irrefutably, that THEY ARE RIGHT.  Which is why the Actual Bible is so
    tricky for them.

    Pretty much the same mentality as Star Wars Fans Who Hate Star Wars.

  • http://www.blogger.com/home?pli=1 Coleslaw

    I never realized the imagery in the hymn “I Want to Walk As a Child of the Light” came from the book of Revelation until I read the book A History of the End of the World by Jonathan Kirsch. I had never actually read all of Revelation and my impression was that it was all gloom, plagues and disaster.

    I had to listen to a number of You Tube versions of the hymn to find one that didn’t d-r-a-g. Apparently you have to be a Methodist to sing it quickly. This isn’t the best sounding version but it doesn’t sound like a death dirge, at least.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7dL91txxk_M&feature=related

  • vsm

    “If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.”
    So if she got pregnant, she actually wanted it? That’s the vilest thing I’ve heard this week.

  • Lori

    It’s a very strong contender for vilest thing anyone has heard this week. You can tell because even the Tea Partiers over at Michelle Malkin’s Twitchy are complaining about it and AFAICT Dana Loesch is the only one defending him. When a bunch of nasty bigots call you out for being a nasty bigot and the only person standing up for you is a truly terrible human being you’re over the line.

  • Mary Kaye

    Zia wrote:  “Personally, I’m a bit stuck on the fact that “sorcery and witchcraft”
    made it onto the list of issues that teens are likely to be faced with.”

    Any mention of Pagan religions (and there are a lot of those mentions in modern US culture) is incitement to witchcraft.  If you are sensitive to this topic it’s literally everywhere.  (Though I have not heard fundamentalists taking up the Quaker idea of de-paganizing days of the week yet.)  Any celebration of any of the classically pagan holidays is incitement to witchcraft.  Any spiritual techniques that aren’t approved Christian prayer (meditation, yoga, etc.) are incitement to witchcraft.

    When I was in 10th grade we received a flier on our porch decrying Sesame Street because it would “teach children to identify with animals.”

    It’s a very fearful mindset.  I don’t envy them.  I *am* a witch and I suspect I sleep better at night.

  • AnonymousSam

    You think if we weighed you against a duck, they’d stop worrying so much about fearful enchantments and evil shrubberies?

  • Tricksterson

    If a duck weighed as much as me it would be terrorizing Tokyo.

  • AnonymousSam
  • Hilary

    maybe they’re made of wood – we could build a bridge out of them and find out.

  • Lori

     

    When I was in 10th grade we received a flier on our porch decrying
    Sesame Street because it would “teach children to identify with
    animals.”  

    What? I mean really, WTH?

    Honestly, if the evils of Sesame Street causing children to identify with animals is a person’s highest priority concern that person is either living a charmed life or is a total idiot. Smart money bets on the latter.

  • JonathanPelikan

    Immediately  reminded of a Hank Hill meme thing I found on tumblr.

    One of the entries in the meme was “Yoga? Son, out here, we read the Bible.”

    fuck

  • Lori

    I think in this case the appropriate Hank Hill quote is, “That boy’s not right.”

  • Jay in Oregon

     When I was in 10th grade we received a flier on our porch decrying
    Sesame Street because it would “teach children to identify with
    animals.”

    I’ve seen comments decrying VeggieTales, a cartoon developed primarily to teach Bible stories to small children, as “promoting animism” through the use of talking vegetables.

  • http://lliira.dreamwidth.org/ Lliira

    So what does this thing have to say about the story of Ruth and Naomi, anyone know? Do they treat it as a proper story of feminine submission to a dead husband, or do they strike it out altogether because it’s a story of two women loving each other?

  • http://www.facebook.com/angelia.sparrow Angelia Sparrow

    They remind you that Naomi is Ruth’s mother-in-law and that’s it’s mother-daughter love, not erotic love. It’s treated as a story of a daughter’s devotion. Which is the only way I read it. David and Jonathan? Now that’s sexy.

  • http://lliira.dreamwidth.org/ Lliira

    So the only way you read two women saying romantic things to each other is as mother-daughter, but two men together can be sexy?

    Ummm… do you happen to be heavily involved in fandom?

  • Mary Kaye

    When I first looked at Conservapedia it seemed misguided but vaguely professional–but have you looked at it lately?  Oh my gosh, it’s juvenile.  It reads like it’s written by twelve-year-olds caught up in a feud.  I had no idea it had deteriorated to that extent.  I guess all the more mature editors got driven away?  I had heard that some such process was going on a year or two back.

  • Tricksterson

    Yeah, I just checked it and the Main page comes off as something cooked up by a bunch of drunken frat boys.

  • Loquat

    When I first looked at Conservapedia, a few years back, its entry on Barack Obama started off with “allegedly born in Honolulu, Hawaii”, and then went on to present as hard undisputed fact the claim that he can barely string two words together without the aid of a teleprompter. 

    And yes, if by “mature” you mean “valuing facts and evidence over the political success of the American right wing”, driving mature editors away was part of Andy Schlafly’s plan from the beginning. 

    I gotta say, though, the Official List of Conservative Terms is a hoot. 
     – accuracy: conservatives strive for accuracy, while many liberals are masters of deceit
     – back burner: inactive status away from attention, as in “RINOs try to put social issues on the back burner”
     – crystal clear: liberals are the opposite
     – greasy spoon: a free enterprise term for a small, cheap restaurant – which in many places is just what the public wants; reflects Jesus’ Biblical scientific foreknowledge about the digestive system

  • Persia

     The unicorn page also remains hilarious.

  • hagsrus

     The Conservapedia Main Talk Page is one of my daily delights.

  • http://brandiweed.livejournal.com/ Brandi

    I think at this point Conservapedia has turned into the equivalent of Landover Baptist despite the true believer who actually runs the damn thing.

  • Loki100

    Conservepedia found themselves into this pickle when it came to their editors. In a hilarious example of Poe’s Law, they knew they were being trolled, but they couldn’t tell the trolls from the actual sincere editors.

    To quote a Rational Wiki editor on it…

    Any new member of the CP project who’s not as conservative as them is liable to be chucked out. However, any new member who is as conservative as them is in serious danger of being called a parodist, and chucked out. Is this the first living example of a Poe Paradox?

    Or to quote Urban Dictionary

    Poe’s Paradox
    In any fundamentalist group where Poe’s Law applies, a paradox exists where any new idea (or person) sufficiently fundamentalist to be accepted by the group is likely to be so ridiculous that it risks being rejected as a parody (or parodist).

    Conservapedia: “Reasonable Explanations for Atheism – Moral depravity, … poor relationship with father, … scientism.”

    New Conservative member (who honestly believes this): “They could also be demons sent by Satan to try to convert our children so they’ll go to hell.”

    Conservapedia: “You’re not funny. Parodies have no place here.”

    Atheist member: “HAH! Poe’s Paradox!”

  • JonathanPelikan

    http://skeptoid.com/blog/2012/07/09/skeptoids-conservapedia-page/ 

    Something that always makes me laugh, even when I’m in near-hopeless mode about politics. It doesn’t actually link to Conservapedia, though it does show, uh. One of their finer bits of propaganda work.

  • Lori

    What I can’t even.

    Atheism is caused by being overweight because being fat cuts off circulation to the higher brain functions where religious belief resides? Have these people never been to a church pot luck? Also, screw them.

  • LouisDoench

     But I thought I was an Atheist because I hated Jesus!

  • Hilary

    No wonder these these alternative bible type folks hate Jews – we have the unmitigated gall to stick to the original language.  Y’know, Hebrew?  Like, I can get a copy of the whole Torah with side by side Hebrew and English from Barnes and Nobles.  Dude, we start learning Hebrew sometime between 7-9 years old just for the B’nei Mitzvah at 13.  I’ve never seen a Greek and English copy of the Gospel, though. Never mind that Jesus didn’t speak Greek, he spoke Hebrew and Aramaic.  So there are literally no words of his recorded in his own language.

    What would happen if Christians had a Bar/Bat Mitzvah equivilant? A point in early adolescence where they have to prove a level of scriptural competancy by reading and translating a passage from the New Testament in Greek?  To confront the issues of translation head on and learn enough basics that they can latter check the Greek for themselves with a dictionary? 

    Hilary
     

  • Edo

    Greek-English New Testaments exist. You can’t find them at B&N, because they’re mostly for specialists, but they exist. (I have one an arm’s reach away, actually. The Greek is in the center, with matching columns of NRSV and NIV on either side. I checked it out of the university library to look up some things from curiosity.)

    And while I *do* wish the classical tradition was stronger, if Christians had a Bar/Bat Mitzvah equivalent it would end in oceans of blood, for at least a couple reasons.

    #1: Correct me if I’m wrong, but my understanding is that Hebrew is the holy language of Judaism because it unites a VERY diverse diaspora into a continuity that dates back to (for lack of better words) the Biblical Israel, and thus a continuity with all the covenants that entails. Privileging Greek that way makes no sense in a Christian context – the very reason the NT authors wrote in Greek rather than Aramaic was to be *accessible.*

    #2: Look at the crazy (and bloodshed) that results from people misreading the Bible in the vernacular. We can save a lot of time and energy by dismissing them and saying that it’s not in the original Greek. God have mercy if the crazy comes from misreading the Greek itself.

    #3: Bibliolatry is a problem already. In the Christian tradition, the word of God *isn’t* the text but Jesus. While the Gospels are the canonical accounts of Jesus, we’re not meant to look IN them for the meaning, but THROUGH them at Jesus himself. And mandatory Greek would *obscure* that.

  • http://apocalypsereview.wordpress.com/ Invisible Neutrino

    Well, for a while there, it was required that Biblical competency be in Latin. Considering that as a rule, people don’t speak Latin as a vernacular (while people do speak Hebrew as one) that changed the dynamic considerably, from being a be-aware-of-the-tenets-of-your-faith to a we-are-the-exclusive-gatekeepers-of-the-faith kind of thing.

  • http://www.oliviareviews.com/ PepperjackCandy

    So there are literally no words of his recorded in his own language.

    I am dubious about this claim.

    I was  taught that there are a number of words and phrases that are Aramaic.  The most famous of these is “Eloi, Eloi, lama sabacthani?”

    Was I taught wrong?

  • Hilary

    Yeah, I think that prase is correct.  But are there any whole gospels, or whole parables, in the original?  I am willing to be corrected if wrong.

  • http://www.facebook.com/angelia.sparrow Angelia Sparrow

    The TFY Bible is free for the asking at one website, so I requested it to financially burden the theocrats. The popup told me everything I need to know:
    Please allow 8 weeks for shipping of the free Bibles in response to the thousands of requests.
    Purchased Bibles will ship immediately.

  • Theo

    For what it’s worth, the 1981 Swedish translation of that last line of Revelation reads, “The grace of the Lord Jesus to [i]all[/i].” I like that. :)

  • AnonymousSam

    Out of curiosity, I dug up every translation handy just to see what they had. Some of these are interesting, and at the very least, it’s clear that the meaning of the words differs wildly in many cases.

    KJ21: The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all. Amen.
    ASV: The grace of the Lord Jesus be with the saints. Amen.
    AMP:  The grace (blessing and favor) of the Lord Jesus Christ (the Messiah) be with all the saints (God’s holy people, those set apart for God, to be, as it were, exclusively His). Amen (so let it be)!
    CEB: The grace of the Lord Jesus be with all.
    CJB: May the grace of the Lord Yeshua be with all!
    CEV: I pray that the Lord Jesus will be kind to all of you.
    DARBY: The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ [be] with all the saints.
    DRA: The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all. Amen
    ERV: The grace of the Lord Jesus be with all people.
    ESV: The grace of the Lord Jesus be with all. Amen
    ESVUK: The grace of the Lord Jesus be with all. Amen.
    GW: The good will of the Lord Jesus be with all of you. Amen!
    GNT: May the grace of the Lord Jesus be with everyone.
    HCSB: The grace of the Lord Jesus be with all the saints. Amen.
    PHILLIPS: The grace of the Lord Jesus be with all his people.
    KJV: The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all. Amen.
    LEB: The grace of the Lord Jesus be with all.
    MSG: The grace of the Master Jesus be with all of you. Oh, Yes!
    MOUNCE: May the grace of the Lord Jesus be with you all.
    NASB: The grace of the Lord Jesus be with all. Amen.
    NCV: The grace of the Lord Jesus be with all. Amen.
    NIRV: May the grace of the Lord Jesus be with God’s people. Amen.
    NIV: The grace of the Lord Jesus be with God’s people. Amen.
    NIV1984: The grace of the Lord Jesus be with God’s people. Amen.
    NIVUK: The grace of the Lord Jesus be with God’s people. Amen.
    NKJV: The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all. Amen.
    NLV: May all of you have the loving-favor of the Lord Jesus Christ. Let it be so.
    NLT: May the grace of the Lord Jesus be with God’s holy people.
    TNIV: The grace of the Lord Jesus be with God’s people. Amen.
    WE: May the love and mercy of the Lord Jesus bless you all. Amen.
    WYC: The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all. Amen.
    YLT: The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ [is] with you all. Amen.

  • http://heathencritique.wordpress.com/ Ruby_Tea

    Heh…remember when Rayford was completely flummoxed by that line in Left Behind?

  • PJ Evans

     NRSV: The grace of the Lord Jesus be with all the saints. Amen.

  • http://lliira.dreamwidth.org/ Lliira

    MSG: The grace of the Master Jesus be with all of you. Oh, Yes!

    Would this be the orgy translation? Sounds good to me.

  • AnonymousSam

    How else do you think he gets you to call him master?

  • Madhabmatics

    “I guess I really actually feel we shouldn’t contort the voting process to accommodate the urban
    — read African-American — voter-turnout machine,” said Doug Preisse, chairman of the county
    Republican Party and elections board member who voted against weekend hours, in an email to
    The Dispatch. “Let’s be fair and reasonable.”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ann-Unemori/100001112760232 Ann Unemori

    On a somewhat related point, check out this link for an extra reason for Fundy fears of (whisper) things worth enjoying: 
    http://www.stufffundieslike.com/2012/08/sfl-flashback-the-weaker-brother/

  • http://apocalypsereview.wordpress.com/ Invisible Neutrino

    I am just agog at the profound ignorance of female reproductive organs that the rape-apologist politicians have been displaying. :

  • Tonio

    It’s probably willful ignorance, since these are the same men who claim that women lie about being raped in order to get abortions. 

  • LunaticFringe

    I believe only in holy scriptures with titles that rhyme. 

  • http://mordicai.livejournal.com Mordicai

    Witchcraft AND sorcery?  Finally, a Bible that closes the loopholes!

  • Trixie_Belden

    What’s kind of depressing is that according to Hullabaloo (via TPM), Akin has been leading McCaskill by a margin of 49.7% to 41.3%.  I desperately hope Akin’s appalling statements turn this around, but I’m not really too optimistic.

  • PJ Evans

     I read that that poll was before he opened his mouth, so the numbers may change this week. (There was some discussion of the parts of Missouri that will vote for him no matter what: Roy Blount’s district, and some areas south of St Louis.)

  • http://twitter.com/FearlessSon FearlessSon

    My father’s mother was always a pretty devout Baptist.  I am kind of glad she died (peacefully of natural causes in her mid-nineties) before Fox News really became a “thing” in the form it is now, because it would have broke my heart to see.  

    While she was not particularly pushy, I think that she did want her grandchildren to be faithful as well.  One year, she got me a copy of a “Student Bible” as a gift.  While I never got around to reading the entire thing, I did thumb through it a bit.  I recall being impressed that it did not really try to jazz the subject up or try and coach it in a particular manner that I could discern.  It mostly just had annotations and footnotes, detailing things like certain parts were translated from words which had no direct English equivalent and thus to keep some lost implication in mind, or to see some other verse in a different book that related to the same subject, etc.  

    I think if you are going to produce another version of the Bible, that is probably the best way to do it.  

  • http://profiles.google.com/fader2011 Alex Harman

    The description of the comic pages sounds an awful lot like a complete collection of Chick Tracts.  It would make sense, too: why should the publishers waste time and money hiring writers and cartoonists to produce new material, when Jack Chick and his artistic (by a very loose definition of the word) minions have already provided exactly the kind of steaming pile of pig manure they want to shovel into their Bible?

  • MaryKaye

    VeggieTales is a funny thing.  I own the _Silly Songs_ collection and have watched it half a million times–I love that disk.  But the actual show is over my personal line into too-preachy territory.  It’s like there’s some Jeckyll and Hyde going on, because the Silly Songs are not only not preachy, some of them are not even “nice”–I think of Bob the Tomato chasing Larry offstage in the “dancing cucumber” song, for example, or Bob making fun of Larry over his TV viewing in “Barbara Manatee”.

    My liberal Christian sister loves the show–I don’t think she’d deny the preachiness but it doesn’t bother her as much.  It’s a fine line for me.  I own three pairs of novels where the first one got a “this is kind of Christian-preachy but the imaginative content is strong and I still enjoy it” and the second one got a “eww, this is too much.”

    The High House/The False House
    No Clock in the Forest/The Stolen River
    The Book of the Dun Cow/The Book of Sorrows

    For the last pair, the second book came out from a specialty Christian bookseller, so apparently I wasn’t the only one who had that reaction.

  • http://blog.trenchcoatsoft.com Ross

     

    No Clock in the Forest/The Stolen River

    The worst part of this is that now these titles have been used and are off the table for a future Stephen Moffat-written Doctor Who two-parter.

  • http://www.facebook.com/brett.blatchley Brett Blatchley

    Thank You! This article was just what I needed today.

    No longer do I pass the Evangelical “purity test,” because among other things, I’ve left the “culture war” as something I believe comes between Jesus and all the people of the world whom He loves and sacrificed for. 

    Hearing the snarling, booing, hissing and self-righteousness of those I’ve left behind:I hereby proclaim that I am NOT a Fundie, and I have never felt closer to Jesus now that I have made clear my separation.

    Now, outside in the fresh air, I peek back (by reading articles like this) and see the choking, stiffing atmosphere I left. It was a “minor” irritation when I was in there (like when my parents smoked), but when I left (and they stopped smoking), I realized what clean air was like, and I could never go back into the toxic mess at risk of my spiritual spiritual (actual) health.

  • Tricksterson

    (presents you with a tray) Would you prefer a platypus shaped macaroon or an echidna shaped cinnamon tart?

  • http://www.nicolejleboeuf.com/index.php Nicole J. LeBoeuf-Little

    From the OP:

    This “enhanced” edition of the Bible is now being promoted by the
    American Family Association (home of AIDS-denier Bryan Fischer) and its boycott-happy wing, One Million Moms (home of dozens of moms).

    Oh, One Million Moms! They’re so precious. I remember when they wrote in to the letter column of The Sandman (do comic books still have letter columns these days?) to let Neil Gaiman and Vertigo/DC (maybe just DC; not sure when the spin-off happened) know that they would no longer be buying issues because the latest storyline, “A Game of You,” was far too gay-friendly for their tastes.

    Precious.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Patrick-McGraw/100001988854074 Patrick McGraw

    I tried checking out the “Truth for Youth” website. It starts off with an introductory video. The pain in my head became too great to continue when it claimed that “In 1963, the Supreme Court declared it unconstitutional to read the Bible or pray in schools.”

    That was about five seconds in.