Chick-fil-A Biblical Family of the Day

Chick-fil-A president Dan Cathy: “We support biblical families.”

Today’s Chick-fil-A Biblical Family Rule of the Day: Off-limits relatives (Leviticus 18:6-18).

None of you shall approach anyone near of kin to uncover nakedness: I am the Lord.

You shall not uncover the nakedness of your father, which is the nakedness of your mother; she is your mother, you shall not uncover her nakedness.

You shall not uncover the nakedness of your father’s wife; it is the nakedness of your father.

You shall not uncover the nakedness of your sister, your father’s daughter or your mother’s daughter, whether born at home or born abroad.

You shall not uncover the nakedness of your son’s daughter or of your daughter’s daughter, for their nakedness is your own nakedness.

You shall not uncover the nakedness of your father’s wife’s daughter, begotten by your father, since she is your sister.

You shall not uncover the nakedness of your father’s sister; she is your father’s flesh.

You shall not uncover the nakedness of your mother’s sister, for she is your mother’s flesh.

You shall not uncover the nakedness of your father’s brother, that is, you shall not approach his wife; she is your aunt.

You shall not uncover the nakedness of your daughter-in-law: she is your son’s wife; you shall not uncover her nakedness.

You shall not uncover the nakedness of your brother’s wife; it is your brother’s nakedness.

You shall not uncover the nakedness of a woman and her daughter, and you shall not take her son’s daughter or her daughter’s daughter to uncover her nakedness; they are your flesh; it is depravity.

And you shall not take a woman as a rival to her sister, uncovering her nakedness while her sister is still alive.

  • Baby_Raptor

    Question 1: How did god decide whose nakedness went with whose?

    Question 2: So if seeing your granddaughter naked is a sin, and her nakedness is your nakedness, is seeing yourself naked a sin? And if so, then how did God expect people to bathe?

    Question 3: Did anyone else notice that grandsons aren’t listed?

  • Cathy W

    Actually I noticed the only male relative listed is your father, as proxy for your mother.

    …and given that, I almost think “uncover the nakedness of” might be a euphemism…

  • Baby_Raptor

    The thought had crossed my mind as well. I’ve heard several preachers say that the oft-used “put your hand under my thigh” for Old Testament oaths was a polite way of saying “swear on my penis,” so I think this might be something in the same vein. 

  • ASeriesOfWords

    Could somebody explain the very last one? I have no idea what it means.

  • Go_4_tli

    Baby_Raptor, per your Question 3, that might be because ancient Hebrew didn’t have words for “grandfather” (or beyond — just “ab”, or “father”) or “grandson” (or beyond — just “ben”, or “son”), and they tended just to refer to grandsons, great-grandsons, etc. as “sons”.  Which, incidentally, is another nail in the coffin of the Bishop Ussher/young-Earth creationist timeline as “Biblical”.

  • Cathy W

    I think it means, in real terms: if you marry a woman, don’t take her sister as a second wife. (More evidence that a little more than seeing each other naked is at stake here…and also that even the writers of the Old Testament saw bad feelings between a man’s multiple wives as a possible pitfall…)

  • Baby_Raptor

    Thanks for taking the time to answer that. I have been educated. ^_^

  • MikeJ

     I know a girl she lives on the hill, she won’t do it but her sister will.

  • esmerelda_ogg

    Interesting to see that standards within the Bible evolved from the period when Abraham married his half-sister and Jacob married a pair of (full?) sisters to the time when the rules in this post were set down. Clearly the Bible itself allows for the definition of “family” to change as society changes…

  • SororAyin

    Dang it MikeJ.  Now, I’ve got that song stuck in my head.

  • http://apocalypsereview.wordpress.com/ Invisible Neutrino

    It suggests that someone who was writing the rules down wanted to codify social taboos that were beginning to settle in as the Israelites grew beyond a small collection of people.

    But it definitely does make one wonder what a “Biblical” family is if a guy is marrying his sister (!)

  • Jurgan

    Not penis, testicles.  Where do you think the word “testify” comes from?

  • Carstonio

     Little sister, don’t you do what your big sister done…

  • Baby_Raptor

    Not possessing a pair myself, I’d never really thought about it. I have been enlightened again. This thread is proving highly educational. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ann-Unemori/100001112760232 Ann Unemori

    Does that really mean I can’t help my infirm mother in & out of the shower? She really can’t manage on her own. Oh wait, I’m female, guess I don’t count. 
    Take this to heart and Maury Povich, Jerry Springer won’t have any more guests.

  • Steve Morrison

    Nitpick: “testify” does not come from “testicle”; the Romans didn’t take oaths on testes. Apparently, “testis” in the anatomical sense came from the word for “witness”.

  • Carstonio

    the Romans didn’t take oaths on testes

    Bummer – it would have been funny to see a male testifier in court give a ceremonial tug of his own testicles, or of the male judge’s.

    Apparently, “testis” in the anatomical sense came from the word for “witness”

    As in getting a glimpse of testicles?

  • http://twitter.com/Didaktylos Paul Hantusch

    (Tongue in cheek) As is well known, the punishment for bigamy is two mothers-in-law, so any man who marries a pair (or more) of sisters is trying to be too clever by half …

  • P J Evans

     I think it helps to have an understanding of kinship naming systems.

  • Foreigner

    Well, bugger. And I was so looking forward to bathing my new grand-daughter.

  • Chrissl

    I must say, I agree with the “but what the heck did they mean by that?” school of thought here.

  • Albanaeon

    Well, my history teacher likes to say that reading the laws of a culture is a good way to reveal what problems a culture was having.

    So apparently, Lewis Black’s commentary of “I don’t care if you love each other, you are not marrying a snapping turtle!” as the rationale for all the Biblical laws isn’t that far off the mark.

  • ohiolibrarian

    Ok could someone explain the 2nd from last one? Who is the last her being referenced? The mother?

  • Golgaronok

    So is it okay to bang one’s mother’s brother’s wife? (or ex-wife / widow — otherwise one runs afoul of the prohibition on adultery.) I don’t see an explicit rule against such an act, unless it’s understood by association with one of the other rules.

  • Emma

    It means don’t have sex with your step daughter or step granddaughter. When it says not to uncover the nakedness of a woman and her daughter, it’s assuming you’re married to the woman (because that’s the only moral way to have sex for people of this mindset) and when you marry a woman, her relatives become yours so having sex with a step daughter is considered incest.

  • ohiolibrarian

    You shall not uncover the nakedness of a woman and her daughter, and you shall not take her son’s daughter or her daughter’s daughter to uncover her nakedness; they are your flesh; it is depravity.

    But, it doesn’t say your wife’s daughter or granddaughter; it says “a woman and her daughter”. Why would it refer to “a woman” rather than to the relationship? Why does it reference both the woman and her daughter simultaneously?

    It sounds kind of kinky. Maybe we are talking about multi-generational concubinage here. In other words, once you’ve gotten the first one, hands off her daughter and granddaughters (presumably by other fathers or they would be covered by the rules against hanky-panky with his own daughters).

    edited

  • Matri

    It references whoever we say it references, because Jesus.

  • ohiolibrarian

    Do they have so many damn rules because they are hazy about how pregnancy works?

  • Cissa

    I noticed that daughters were not included, though daughters-in-law were.


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