Felonious nipples, VAWA & stories hidden in plain sight

A state legislator in North Carolina says women’s nipples are so dangerous they need to be reclassified as a felony.

A Class H felony in the Tarheel State is punishable by up to six months in jail for a first offense.

I’m not clear how that works — would a topless woman face a year in jail for two simultaneous first offenses, or would one count as a first offense and the other as a second felony?

In North Carolina, felons are barred from voting during their term of incarceration, parole and probation. So I’m guessing this has less to do with “public decency” and more to do with an attempt to disenfranchise unruly women.

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Tod Kelly’s post on the reintroduction of the Violence Against Women Act  includes some horrifying history — horrifyingly recent history — of domestic violence and assault and the effort to provide legal protection for women.

It’s a fascinating, infuriating (and potentially triggering, please be warned) post. Read the whole thing.

1978. Not 1878 or 1378, but 1978.

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Want your state to sign marriage equality into law? Elect a Catholic governor.

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Speaking of marriage equality, a belated congratulations to Jim Nabors on his marriage to his partner of 38 years.

I hope this doesn’t change the opinion of the many folks his age I grew up around who loved his rendition of “How Great Thou Art.”

William Lindsey notes, though, that Nabors’ secret wasn’t all that secret for that generation. Lindsey recalls a conversation with his mother from back in the 1980s:

“I’ve long known about Jim Nabors,” my mother said, and I was intrigued: How did she know this? What more did she know that I had never heard? How can a culture (in her case, that of central Arkansas) which claims not to know precisely who’s gay, who’s closeted, who’s with whom, really know all of this — while claiming not to know that gay folks exist?

… Stories. Hidden in plain sight.

I think that generation had quite a few mechanisms for unacknowledged knowledge.

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And speaking of William Lindsey — whose Bilgrimage blog is a favorite of mine — I got a chuckle earlier this month after he linked here right after posting an item on the Westboro Baptist Church, resulting in an amusing transposition of names. Two guys named Fred, both Baptists … it’s a perfectly understandable mixup.

Lindsey was endearingly mortified and apologetic, but he didn’t need to be. I don’t mind getting my name switched up with that of Fred Phelps — just so long as no one gets my views mixed up with his.

Plus the Phelps comparison let’s me indulge in that favorite game we evangelical Christians use to reassure ourselves — the Not As Bad As game of Melon Morality. Fred Phelps sets the NABA-bar pretty low, pretty much guaranteeing me an opportunity for self-congratulation.

That’s much easier to think about than being compared to, say, Fred Rogers.

* * * * * * * * *

Yes, really, They Are Coming for Your Birth Control (via Libby Anne).

Seriously, They Are Coming for Your Birth Control.

* * * * * * * * *

During the night I had a vision of a man from Macedonia.

Macedonia, Alabama, that is. He was standing and begging, “Come over to Macedonia and help me — I can’t stop misquoting scripture to advance a right-wing political agenda.”

 

  • Albanaeon

    Wow.  Rep. McGill’s god is a truly terrible one.  Forget being sent to Hell for being born.  That’s some liberal wishy washy god there.  This one’ll send you to hell for not being born.

    No wonder these guys are so irrational.  I’d have a hard time thinking straight with a threat like this hanging over them.  Of course its a self-created threat that most of us wish they’d let go of because however anti-Christ/anti-reality/anti-simple decency his god is, his legislation would be a terrible thing to inflict on people.

  • http://plantsarethestrangestpeople.blogspot.com/ mr_subjunctive

    I feel sort of obliged to note for the historical record that “Felonious Nipples” would make a decent band name. 

  • Lunch Meat

    From Love Joy Feminism:

    No longer was the raising of godly seed seen as the primary purpose of
    marriage; but now marriage was redefined as a union “intended for
    companionship and mutual spiritual aid”. This new view, brought on by
    the European spread of eugenics, brought rise to a departure from
    centuries of universal agreement among all branches of the church.

    This is ridiculous and frankly makes me angry. Marriage–in fact the whole idea of the “Christian family”–is rarely mentioned in the New Testament; I can think of just 3 or 4 passages off the top of my head. How to raise children is mentioned, but it’s never said that Christians should have children. In fact, since Paul thinks that marriage would be a bad idea because the “end” is so near, he would probably think that having children is also foolish. 1 Corinthians 7 is the prominent place where marriage and reasons for marriage are mentioned, and children are only mentioned once and it’s talking about children that one had before one became a believer. In fact, the only place where sex within marriage–”good” sex–is mentioned in the NT is 1 Corinthians 7, and the reason explicitly given for it is to satisfy sexual desire. That’s it. According to Paul, that is the only reason Christians should be getting married and having sex. It says nothing about kids.

    These people are lying about my faith and slandering my marriage, talking sneeringly and scornfully about “companionship” and “mutual spiritual aid” as if they are naive wishy-washy hippie liberal ideas. I’m sick of it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Riastlin-Lovecraft/100000678992705 Riastlin Lovecraft

    I liked the catholic link, but I fear all I’m taking away from it is a reminder of just how much out of touch the Vatican is with the rest of the Church.
    Dear next pope: Learn from this. Please. (And cooperate with the authorities on the child molestation scandals  while you’re at it. It’d do wonders for your image, and make Atheists like myself more likely to listen).

     /soapbox

  • LoneWolf343

    According to my state’s Libertarian party, Kansas has either outlawed or is going to outlaw exposing women exposing their nipples to minors, which would effectively outlaw breastfeeding.

    Then again, this is a Libertarian party we’re talking about.

    I swear, I thought I had already unsubscribed.

  • Launcifer

    I’m probably supposed to be taking far more from these links, but I’m getting sidetracked by the fact  that “Felonius Nipples” sounds like the name of a character in a Pratchett-inspired slashfic. Either that or it’s the pseudonym of some guy who did the soundtracks to seventies porn films.

  • Tofu_Killer

    So….in North Carolina you get more jailtime for a wardrobe malfunction than reckless endangerment? Selling tobacco to minors? Moonshining?
    **Brainsplode**

  • Ahcuah

    I just want to point out that just an ordinary exposure of a nipple would be a Class 2 Misdemeanor. The class H felony only applies if the offender is over 18 and seen by somebody under 16, and that the purpose of the display was to arouse or gratify the sexual desire of the person under 16.

  • Lunch Meat

    Forget being sent to Hell for being born.  That’s some liberal wishy washy god there.  This one’ll send you to hell for not being born.

    There is a simple solution here. Just require that every womb in a person over the age of 10 or so be forcibly baptized regularly for whatever fertilized embryos happen to be inside. Preferably it would happen at least once a month, because of the high rate of early miscarriages.

  • http://twitter.com/AbelUndercity Abel Undercity

    Allison Arngrim (known to the world as Nellie Oleson on Little House on the Prairie, or, as I liked to call her, “Darth Vader in sausage curls”) wrote in her book Confessions of a Prairie Bitch about how fans of Liberace would bridle if you said straight out that he was gay.  But among themselves, there was a “nod and a wink” understanding about how “a girl would certainly be safe with him.”

    Like Mr. Nabors, you knew, but you didn’t know.  Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, indeed…

  • http://twitter.com/AbelUndercity Abel Undercity

    The class H felony only applies if the offender is over 18 and seen by somebody under 16, and that the purpose of the display was to arouse or gratify the sexual desire of the person under 16.

    Arrest the internet.  Right now.

  • Fusina

     Oooookay, a few questions here.  Are there topless clubs in NC? Do they have anything to make sure that IDs used for entry are legal and not forged? If a sixteen year old kid gets into a topless bar, do all the dancers get arrested?

    Inquiring minds and all. And good to know that there are limits to it, otherwise there would be a lot of unhappy spouses…

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=687121933 Carrie Looney

    “The class H felony only applies if the offender is over 18 and seen by somebody under 16, and that the purpose of the display was to arouse or gratify the sexual desire of the person under 16.”

    Knowing fifteen-year-old boys, I think we need to arrest their mental images.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ann-Unemori/100001112760232 Ann Unemori

    I’ll still trying to figure out how you can be sent to Hell if you were never born in the first place. Talk about an identity crisis.

  • Magic_Cracker

    Check out their debut album Hidden In Plain Sight.

  • Worthless Beast

    How does the law go about arresting the Internet?

  • Carstonio

    I challenge Rayne Brown to explain the double standard between women’s and men’s nipples, such as if a Martian asked the question. And I challenge all men in North Carolina to keep their own aureolae out of the public eye in protest. 

    Any ideas why all the governors have been Catholic? The comments include a mention of Jerry Brown as belonging on the list if it weren’t for Proposition 8.

  • http://www.nicolejleboeuf.com/index.php Nicole J. LeBoeuf-Little

    in re: the link between opposing legal abortion and opposing pre-marital sex – Sounds like, no surprise, this subset of the “pro-life” movement has conveniently forgotten how many married couples don’t want to produce a(nother) child.

    It’s not even that they think no married woman would want an abortion because married couples always want many children as possible despite their means, mental/emotional states, maturity levels or medical histories. No, they seem to think pre-marital sex is the only reason for abortions.

    Lack of imagination, at the mildest.

  • fredgiblet
  • Michael Pullmann

    Frankly, I’d be flattered to be mistaken for Fred Rogers. But then, who wouldn’t?

  • Carstonio

    I arrested a guitar the other day, but it refused to speak without its luthier present.

    (An old joke from Guitar World magazine)

  • Foreigner

    I believe you are thinking of Brother Fingers, who first stole fire from the gods. He was a felonious monk.

  • Launcifer

    Huh. I didn’t actually know for sure that I was – it just sounded right. Trust him to get the jazz gag in there as well, darn him.

  • http://twitter.com/AbelUndercity Abel Undercity

    “Call the Church!”
    “Call the police!”
    “Call the Church Police!”
    “THE CHURCH POLICE!”
    (siren, car doors slamming)
    “Right, what’s all this then, amen?”

  • Jessica_R

    I think it’s very telling that the idea that a marriage could be for, or in part, a companionship of two people who genuinely like each other and support each is something to roll your eyes at in disdain and hiss through your teeth at how dare they. The Handmaid’s Tale is a warning, not a blueprint guys. 

  • Aiwhelan

            “There is a simple solution here. Just require that every womb in 
            a
    person over the age of 10 or so be forcibly baptized regularly
            for
    whatever fertilized embryos happen to be inside. Preferably
            it would
    happen at least once a month, because of the high rate
            of early
    miscarriages.”

    I think you’ve got something there, but let’s expand it. Women are born with every egg they’ll ever have, so they are body parts at the time and can be covered by the woman’s baptism. What we need is to rebaptise those testes between ejaculations, so the sperm will come out ready for heaven too! Men will have to start charting their ‘cycles’ of how often they ejaculate (either in sex or unintentionally, in their sleep, of course. Can’t have any self-abuse…) so they can predict early enough when they’ll need to head back to the font. I see a whole new edition of Natural Family Planning books just waiting to be written…

    *how do I inset quotes in this thing? sorry for the ad-hoc formatting.

  • Aiwhelan

     I think its  more that no one wants to be _compared_ to Fred Rogers, because the standard is so very very high.

  • http://www.bilgrimage.blogspot.com/ William D. Lindsey

    Fred, it pleases me that you like my blog–as I certainly do yours!

    I appreciate your understanding of my mix-up of the names of two Baptist Freds who are as different as night and day.  I’m still very embarrassed about that, and I do really know the difference between you and the other Fred.

  • Foreigner

    It’s from Soul Music, IIRC, which has approximately 2.5 musical gags per square centimetre. The hard of hearing leopard was my favourite.

  • Carstonio

    Would the Fembots in the Austin Powers movies have felonious nipples? 

  • Kubricks_Rube

    I challenge Rayne Brown to explain the double standard between women’s and men’s nipples

    This reminds me of the strangest television pixelation I’ve ever seen. A number of years ago on Jerry Springer (or something similar), there was an episode about a man who got breast implants. In the before photo, we can see his whole chest, including the nipples. But in the after photo, those very same nipples are the only thing covered by a black bar.

  • Carstonio

    The book “A Martian Wouldn’t Say That” has an unnamed TV executive forbidding a show from showing a man’s pectorals once he’s in female clothing. So the network sees its mission as preventing male viewers from having gay panic.

  • Jessica_R

    And in other culture war news, to show journalism is not completely dead a Mississippi newspaper does the right thing, and doesn’t back down. I love the owners response to “I don’t want my children seeing that!” http://www.hrc.org/blog/entry/mississippi-same-sex-wedding-story-causes-stir-newspaper-owner-responds

  • Jim Roberts

    Can’t it be both? By that, I don’t mean that a woman should be a breeding farm, but rather, can’t a family be a loving couple that cares deeply for one another and a a pair of people who have and love their children? And that seeing your spouse interact with your kids increases your love for your spouse, and seeing your kids learn and grow makes you love them even more? I don’t understand why these have to be dualities.

  • EllieMurasaki

    Nobody understands why they have to be dualities. I think Jessica_R’s talking about the insistence that marriage cannot be egalitarian being an underpinning of the forbidding of marriage to anyone who isn’t a heterosexual couple.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ann-Unemori/100001112760232 Ann Unemori

    Would that be similar to douching? I recall my mother used to do that.

  • Daughter

    I remember a satirical pro(really anti) Rick Santorum for president ad someone put together in 2012. In it, a woman is sitting in her living room, gushing about how great a candidate Rick Santorum is. Her husband is in the background, sitting at a computer with a pile of bills on his lap. He’s frustrated and muttering to himself, so it appears he is having difficulty balancing the household budget.

    The woman goes on to say how because of Rick Santorum, she now knows her true purpose in life. As a result, she is going to quit her job and have as many kids as God will bless her with. Her horrified husband snaps his head up from the bill-paying and shouts, “What?!!!”

  • AnonymousSam
  • http://blog.trenchcoatsoft.com Ross

     The thing about being compared to Mr. Rogers is that the odds are not tremendous of the comparison being favorable.

  • SergeantHeretic

    Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I submit to you that the radical conservative religious right wing is reaching quite literaly LUNATIC Levels of paranoic fear of sex, sexuality, the female body and their own human nature.

    It’s like watching someone, an entire subset of the United States go destructivly insane. Seriously, I am tempted to suggest that this group beclassified as “Dangerously insane should be restrained i na clinical environment to prevent their doing harm to self and others.”

  • EllieMurasaki

    Do you mind not mixing up ‘mentally ill’ and ‘authoritarian conservative’?

  • SergeantHeretic

    I don’t know what else to say, I don’t know how else to define the mad bad dangerous, obviously harmfull behavior on ther part, I’m sorry!

  • EllieMurasaki

    Try “their bad, dangerous, and obviously harmful behavior”.

  • http://blog.trenchcoatsoft.com Ross

    In North Carolina, felons are barred from voting during their term of
    incarceration, parole and probation. So I’m guessing this has less to do
    with “public decency” and more to do with an attempt to disenfranchise
    unruly women.

    I don’t know that they thought it through that far. I suspect it’s more just a matter of they saw some of them there uppity wimminfolk with their shame-bellows exposed, and they felt a sudden and urgent need to take a Firm Stance to assert that this sort of thing is Not On.  Because as we all know, the reason you make things felonies isn’t to stop people doing them, it’s to send a strong message of moral disapproval.

    (Is ‘shame-bellows’ actually a thing? I think it’s something Carrie’s mother said, but it’s been years. Honestly, it’s getting hard to keep coming up with sufficiently OTT parodies)

  • AnonymousSam

    If I should ever find myself on a discussion panel to revise the DSM, I’m suggesting we add definitions for people with a pathological need to control others, especially when it causes both parties severe unhappiness. It’s almost like a combination of Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Antisocial Personality Disorder, of which there is co-morbidity, but it’s not quite the same as either. They just think they’re the only ones whose opinion matters and everyone else ought to live with it. Literally.

  • The_L1985

     So would “Death Jesus” from the LB article.

  • The_L1985

     That was “dirty-pillows.”

  • veejayem

    One of my favourite lines in all of the Buffy series was someone asking Xander if looking at guns made him think about sex and his reply, “I’m seventeen. Looking at linoleum makes me think about sex!”

  • kadh2000

    Cool, I get to tell my Mister Rogers story!

    It’s probably not true, but this one has been told in Pittsburgh PA (where Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood was done) for years. 

    Mr. Rogers parked his car outside of the building where they did the show.  When he came back at the end of his work day, the car was gone: stolen.  The theft was announced on the news that night.  The next morning, the car was back where it had been taken from along with a note from the thief apologizing for taking Mr. Rogers’ car.  

    Sigh, it’s been too long.  I used to tell it better.

  • AnonymousSam

    Snopes says: “Huh, I dunno. Maybe.”

    http://www.snopes.com/radiotv/tv/rogerscar.asp


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