‘Luckily, this is not difficult’

“Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.”

“In computing the score, check the various items under DEMERITS which fit the wife, and add the total.”

“Living with a small vision of God’s calling on your life has serious consequences. God’s mission in the world suffers setbacks when women settle for letting others take care of things or believe they’re out of line if they step up and lead.”

“I’m definitely confused, which is commonly the case when I read stuff asserting that there is only one way for women to be, and one way for men, and God forbid we take on roles that reflect our gifts and interests.”

We need the diverse gifts and talents of both men and women working together to bring ‘kingdom come’ into our cities, neighborhoods and households.”

“We need to get rid of the vicious slander that a young man wanting to follow in the footsteps of a great woman isn’t right in the head.”

“The way many in today’s church talk about sex, men and women, modesty, and marriage does a tremendous disservice to men, women, marriage, and sex.”

“Sexism flourishes because people don’t stand up to it, and … standing up to it more could very well be the solution.”

When we blame women for the reactions of men — whether it is to their art, to their clothing, to their ‘unladylike’ behavior like riding public transit after dark — we reinforce rape culture.”

The images of the fight itself are arresting and disturbing, but Lewkowicz does more than bear witness to domestic violence. She also chronicled the entire process of domestic violence and how an abuser sets up the opportunity to beat his partner.” (Trigger warning for both the photo-essay and the analysis.)

“If my family’s stories are not worthy of the same protections afforded to all of our fellow citizens, what stories are?” (Note: Vivid testimony of domestic violence)

“Before I knew it, my fiancé picked me up off the sofa, threw me against the wall, and ran outside of my apartment. [laughter]

“Like Bathsheba, women are expected to ‘choose another option’ — another route to work, another outfit, or another shade of lipstick.”

“There’s a lot of country music and gospel people who won’t accept them for who they are.”

“It’s not easy being a gay, atheist teen in the evangelical church and a conservative Christian school.”

As a pastor, a community leader and a woman, I stand by health centers like Planned Parenthood, where, on many occasions, I and those close to me have received excellent care.”

“This is why lobbyists should not be writing medical policy.”

  • http://twitter.com/shutsumon Becka Sutton

    The one about female role models reminds me of something that happened at work. My employers sponsor professional sports people to be mentors to talented young people and the intranet article about it mentioned that this year all the mentors were women.

    One of the first comments was a bloke saying he thought this was a bad idea because boys wouldn’t want a female mentor. To the credit of my colleagues most of the other commentors – including the men – said they thought that the boys would just be happy to have a successful sportsperson as their mentor regardless of gender.  I certainly hope they’re right because it would be a good sign.

  • http://lliira.dreamwidth.org/ Lliira

    I’ve been seeing a lot lately about how, on an individual level, it’s supposedly so difficult to like and admire women. I’m talking from Shakesville to a mainstream gossip blog. And at first I thought, oh yeah, this is what sexism does etc…. then I thought some more.

    And now I’m at the “wait, what?” stage. Going over the people I’ve known in my life, of whatever gender — it’s just not so. It’s like discussions of midlife crises and how all men supposedly have them. They do? On what planet? Or all the people who say men only care about their partner’s looks — bzuhwah? In Hollywood, maybe. Personally, my diagnosis is too much internet, probably for me most of all.

  • flat

    I agree with you there is too much nonsense about those things on the internet.

  • AnonymousSam

    Yeah, count me in on that “wait, what?” too. What is that even supposed to mean? That you can like women from a distance, but up close, women are secretly a form of universal kryptonite that weakens and fills anyone with disgust?

    I’ve had many, many female friends and many of the people I respect most have been women, from Marion Zimmer Bradley and Mercedes Lackey to Hilary Clinton and Michelle Obama. I want to know what these fruitcakes are smoking so I can be sure to avoid it in case it makes ideas like these contagious.

    (As far as the Internet goes, I notice many of the people I’ve become friends with seem to think of me as female. I don’t really identify as any gender, but when it comes to acting naturally, I guess that’s the impression I give off. Funny, it doesn’t seem to deter people.)

  • AnonymousSam

    Hmm, just remembered “fruitcake” is a term that has been used as an insult to refer to a homosexual. I meant that in the “nuttier than a fruitcake” manner.

  • Hth

    Hm, well.  While I’m glad that lots of people don’t suffer from that, please don’t assume that it’s an imaginary thing that feminists make up when they get bored of being right all the time. *g*

    I definitely know that a lot of my journey through feminism has been deprogramming myself from the messages I got about other women: women are shallow, women are self-centered, women aren’t funny, women are untrustworthy, women are manipulative, women are jealous, women can’t stand each other.  I really believed that, and was pretty happy to think of myself as The Exceptional Woman, when I was younger.  The vast majority of my friends most of my life have been men, because I so truly believed that women were scary and alien and probably would hate me for no reason.  A lot of cultural effort goes into dividing women against each other, sowing mistrust, convincing women to see each other as rivals and threats.

    tl;dr.  Listen to Dar Williams’s “I Won’t Be Afraid of Women,” it’s really good.

  • Victor

    (((“Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. )))

    Hey Fred! Some bodies should try telling some of my feminine cells that some time NOW!

    I hear YA friends! Go back to sleep NOW!

    http://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=18142394&postID=2577555199894362368

    I wonder what today’s saint might say about “IT” NOW? http://www.americancatholic.org/features/saintofday/default.aspx

    Go Back to sleep sinner vic! 
    http://www.splendoroftruth.com/curtjester/2013/03/looking-for-the-next-pope/

    Really? :)

    Go Figure folks

    Peace

  • AnonaMiss

    Tangential but also sorta not: I’ve been playing Dwarf Fortress while reading these articles, and I think if more people played Dwarf Fortress, its attitudes about gender* might rub off on them. If only because it’s hard to think that women are inferior while combing the combat logs to see what awesome things your female legendary hammerdwarf is doing.** Also the community actively encourages woman soldiers for the perfectly valid tactical reasons of 1) their babies make extremely powerful back armor – no blows struck on the baby get through to the mother! – and 2) the babies also serve as backup bludgeoning weapons if the mother drops her primary weapon due to being stunned, having her main hand chopped off, etc. 

    I love Dwarf Fortress.

    * Other than the women giving birth and carrying their children around until the age of 2, dwarven men and women function exactly the same in society. There is enforced monogamy and heterosexuality, but many dwarves never find a partner, and even if they do insemination is carried out through spores, so for all we know the unmarried dwarves may be engaging in safe spore-sex with each other all the time, and marriage is just for the purpose of procreation.** Dwarf Fortress’s appeal is largely due to its emergent behavior, and its combat logs are extremely detailed = the perfect place to discover this behavior. I once had a macedwarf who always attempted to bite off his enemies’ fingers. Sometimes in combat, but if he didn’t get a chance then, he would wait until the enemy was stunned and then bite off a finger. Crazy little beardling.

    Even without looking at the combat logs, combat can be pretty awesome, like when you watch a goblin’s head fly up 3 z levels and land on top of your fortress entrance; but without the combat logs, I never would have discovered this strange preference for biting off fingers.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_2CUJHSQSQYTYT4DPZSKTVESYNQ B

    It always seems to be that side of the “Household Hints” pamphlet that circulates around the Internet, but I actually find the inside more disturbing.  It includes helpful hints like:

    “You do not need a ballot to clean out your sink spout. A handful of potash and some boiling water is quicker and cheaper.”

    “Why vote for pure food laws, when your husband does that, while you can purify your Ice-box with saleratus water?”

    and the kicker:

    “If an Anti swallows bichloride, give her whites of eggs, but if it’s a suff, give her a vote.”

    (Yep, they do appear to be advocating letting woman who want the right to vote die of poisoning.)

    http://jwa.org/teach/primarysources/orgrec_08.pdf

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_2CUJHSQSQYTYT4DPZSKTVESYNQ B

    Though to be fair, the men’s version of the “marital rating scale” does include a number of items giving him merits for treating his wife with respect (and for participating in parenting and housekeeping) and demerits for treating her badly, even if it does include a demerit for being a “sissy.”

    Interestingly, the single highest-point-value merit item on the men’s quiz — four times the value of any other item — is “Ardent lover — sees that wife has orgasm in marital congress. (20)”

  • Cathy W

    I noticed on the merits and demerits list – apparently church was optional for men? The “good’ wife gets ten points for going herself and taking the children to Sunday school, and then one more for letting her husband sleep in on Sundays.

  • P J Evans

     I believe one of the arguments against give women the vote was that they just vote however their spouse told them. (And unmarried women and widows would do what?)

    I can’t imagine my mother, or my father’s mother, being that complaisant.

  • mud man

    Sexism flourishes because people don’t stand up to it

    duuh.    …. TRIGGER WARNING for abuse …

    for no other purpose than to humiliate her

    She said this twice but how can that be why the image circulated since most of the likers can’t have any idea who it’s an image of. Although it may be that the original poster expected her to see it. So who are the likers showing it to, one wonders? The men in their life or the women? Either way, it isn’t about humiliating this particular victim.

  • Makabit

    There was also a hardy-har notion that men already voted the way their wives told them to.

    (This was used to wonderful effect in one of the “Blossom Culp” books, where the teenage protagonist’s schoolmate’s mother tells a group of high school girls that no woman worth her salt needs the vote–when she sends her husband off to the polls, she can be quite sure he has been properly instructed.)

  • http://kingdomofsharks.wordpress.com/ D Johnston

    Here’s what’s great about that particular entry. The item “Is true to his wife” is worth 10 points. The item “Stares at or flirts with other women while out with his wife” deducts 5 points. This means that (per the good doctor) it’s better to be married to a philanderer who’s good in bed than a faithful man who can’t close the deal.

    Those quizzes give a lot of insight into how strange gender relations were in the 50′s. For instance, each one has some variant on “spends too much time with parents” on the negative side, but they also suggest (particularly in the women’s quiz) that it’s good to treat one’s partner’s family well. Apparently Dr. Crane felt that it was every person’s responsibility to take care of his/her in-laws and just hope that the spouse does the same. I wonder if those beliefs were widespread at all?

  • misanthropy_jones

    i spent several years as a volunteer advocate for sexual assault victims. the first thing we were taught was the need to reassure the victims that they were in fact victims, that what had happened was not in any way their fault.
    it is a sad comment on our society that the victims of one of the most dehumanizing and traumatic crimes imaginable have to be told that by a stranger…

  • Kirala

    the first thing we
    were taught was the need to reassure the victims that they were in fact
    victims, that what had happened was not in any way their fault.

    it is a sad comment on our society that the victims of one of the most
    dehumanizing and traumatic crimes imaginable have to be told that by a
    stranger…

    In fairness, it isn’t JUST society to blame in these situations – it’s also the abuser (and generally more the abuser). At least, when I was assaulted, neither society nor my family sent me any messages that it was my fault – prepubescence apparently deters victim-blaming – but I still felt bad that I was getting the nice misunderstood man in trouble.

    Which is why I’m glad the abuse article takes the time to point out patterns of abusers so that victims can see themselves as victims of something wrong rather than participants in some misunderstanding. Abuse depends on the abuser being permitted to obfuscate the facts.

  • Kirala

    the first thing we
    were taught was the need to reassure the victims that they were in fact
    victims, that what had happened was not in any way their fault.

    it is a sad comment on our society that the victims of one of the most
    dehumanizing and traumatic crimes imaginable have to be told that by a
    stranger…

    In fairness, it isn’t JUST society to blame in these situations – it’s also the abuser (and generally more the abuser). At least, when I was assaulted, neither society nor my family sent me any messages that it was my fault – prepubescence apparently deters victim-blaming – but I still felt bad that I was getting the nice misunderstood man in trouble.

    Which is why I’m glad the abuse article takes the time to point out patterns of abusers so that victims can see themselves as victims of something wrong rather than participants in some misunderstanding. Abuse depends on the abuser being permitted to obfuscate the facts.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=752002772 Andrew Glasgow

    I think the idea was that the ideal husband would go to church without having to be made to.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=752002772 Andrew Glasgow

    In the article about the gay/transgender Christian band, I see a lot of comments saying things like, “It’s hard to say to these people that they’re doing the wrong thing when you see them singing about God, but you have to” and I wish I had a really devastating argument to convince them that they can open themselves up to love, it’s really OK, but I know they won’t listen.

  • We Must Dissent

     I can’t find the whole list for wives, but on the complete one for husbands, #32 is the same thing about going to church and getting the children to go. There’s a lot of not good things on there, but there’s also stuff about helping with the kids and helping with the dishes. Number 37 on demerits is strangely specific, though:

    “Writes on tablecloth with pencil”. Maybe pens are a separate demerit that I haven’t gotten to yet.

  • Jurgan

    And when the mentors were all men in a previous year, they were quick to complain that girls wouldn’t want male mentors, right?… right?

  • Rhubarbarian82

    Unfortunately for the faithful man, it’s probably better to not be married to either.

    This is probably my biggest concern with the whole stay-a-virgin-till-your-married, thing. It’s difficult to suss out whether you’re sexually compatible with your partner unless you have sex, and often. Just telling people that if they just wait until they’re married, the sex will be super magical (but only so long as they have it in the missionary position), is a recipe for failure.

  • http://twitter.com/shutsumon Becka Sutton

     I honestly don’t know that there’s been an all male year. Though previous years have certainly been male heavy.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_2CUJHSQSQYTYT4DPZSKTVESYNQ B

     I noticed that, too.  Not so much in terms of pen vs. pencil, but more along the lines of, “Wait, writing on the tablecloth is a thing?”

    I mean, seriously, who writes on tablecloths?  Unless you’re in one of those restaurants where they cover the table with white paper and give you crayons.

  • El Durazno de la Muerte

    I guess it’s a thing when you’re trying to describe something and need a visual aid, or you’re making back-of-an-envelope calculations without the benefit of an envelope.

  • vsm
  • http://timothy.green.name/ Timothy (TRiG)

     My family were once invited round to dinner by a couple. After dinner, they invited us all to sign the tablecloth in pencil.

    The white tablecloth was covered in stitched in signatures. We visited them again a few months later, and she showed us that she’d stitched over our pencil signatures too,  in colourful thread, so our names were recorded in the cloth.

    So yes, writing on tablecloths in pencil is a thing that happens, though I suspect this isn’t what the author had in mind.

    TRiG.

  • banancat

    Meh, it isn’t “helping” when they’re your own kids and your own dishes. I know it would have been seen that way at the time, but it’s still not something I would classify as a “good thing”, just maybe slightly less bad than some of the other items on the list.

  • Jim Roberts

    It depends on the partnership – for my wife and I, doing the dishes is just an expected thing for me. I don’t get bonus points for doing it. But doing laundry? That’s unexpected and usually requires that my wife write out the instructions for doing it. Possible bonus points.

    For the time this was written, a man doing dishes when there was a woman around to do it was exceptional. And that’s terrible.

  • Victor

     
    (((For the time this was written, a man doing dishes when there was a woman around to do it was exceptional. And that’s terrible.)))

    Jim, I could write a book about stories concerning friends of mine in the past who were in that terrible situation and worst of all, the woman in concern were not very happy about “IT” at all.

    Not to start anything, I will only speak about myself so when I first got married about 43 years ago and did the dishes while my wife was watching. Long story short, my ribs were literally hurting and had to get out of the kitchen cause in her words, a man does not belong in a kitchen. Another book later………

    Hey folks Victor’s back!

    Stop “IT” sinner vic! Is there nothing private with ya NOW? Why do YA want to try and change “LOVE” NOW? If these woman are happy then what’s the problem “I” ask?

    Those are good questions Victor! Butt as YA usually says, long story short, these woman don’t know that they are being used by this so called “LOVE” cause “LOVE” believes anything and we won’t have any of “IT” NOW! Do YA hear here NOW?

    Victor! Victor! Victor! YA can thank the alien gods for making “IT” easy  to educate the younger gene aration and we’re doing “IT” good NOW. For example take your youngest product of your so called Catholic car, http://www.splendoroftruth.com/curtjester/2013/02/what-if-the-church-was-a-car-company/ “I” mean your church NOW. Anyway! we’re waking these collection, I mean Collette cells UP as to what is truly real and for example, take all these songs that she writes NOW. We’ve convinced her to write only “ONE” country song http://collettesavard.bandcamp.com/track/i-still-do cause these country songs are just too honest NOW! Butt long story short, she’s gone a long way since Steve Bogner bought her first CD during your first blog NOW and……..

    END NOW! Good idea sinner vic cause you’re hitting “ME”, “ME” and “ME” WAY too close to home if ya get my drift?? Some might think that YA exist butt you no more exist than “Transhuminism” does so give “IT” UP NOW!

    AH Victor! Why can’t YA let “ME”, “ME” and “ME”  be there NOW?
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NEi-zmhpCEE

    Just ignore him folks

    YA want U>S to just disreguard what Victor said?

    NO! Just sinner vic!? :)

    Peace

  • Eric the Red

    “not difficult?” lol

  • Victor

    By the way if any of my loving  girls read any of this please remember that “I” love your love,  your “LOVE” the most.
     
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlCGnGLlu64

    Peace

  • Victor

     “not difficult?”

    Are you sure that you really are not also “salvage” and/or maybe you want U>S (usual sinners) to think that you really are simply Eric the Red?

    Go Figure NOW? :)

    Peace

  • http://lliira.dreamwidth.org/ Lliira

    I’m a feminist, have been since I was born pretty much, I know this stuff. I never had the beliefs you had, and never had any friends or family who did. I knew it existed — out there somewhere. In old books and laws. In weird columns from right-wing Christian publications and right-wing pseudo-scientists. Certainly I had friends and family who had sexist beliefs, but never any who went so far as to dislike women. As the internet became more and more important, I found exactly where it existed: right there. That person. That politician. That columnist. And I started to dwell on it.

    I have realized lately that it is extremely easy to lose all sense of perspective. And so people who are steeped in explicitly feminist spaces can very readily start thinking that everyone outside them, and maybe most inside them too, hate women. Our culture is misogynistic, we can break down nearly everything everyone says to reach the creamy layer of woman-hatred in it, and hot damn are we good at it. 

    But then I wake up and look around my life, and go… uh… where have I been? Staring into the abyss. I’ve seen people become monsters to fight monsters.

    I’m exhausted by it. 

  • Victor

    Well put Lliira!

    http://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=18142394&postID=740811414533639942&page=1&token=1362436937865

    “IT” can put any body down whether he or she be male and/or female if ya get my drift NOW?

    God Bless

    Peace

  • AnonaMiss

    I feel you Lliira. My experience has been similar.

  • http://apocalypsereview.wordpress.com/ Invisible Neutrino

    Considering how the “evil mother in law” trope seems to have evolved around then, I suspect the advice-giver in that instance was blowing smoke.

  • Tricksterson

    I would think pen would be worse because harder to get out.  But in any case are they so poor they can afford paper?

  • Tricksterson

    Sorry, that should be “can’t”


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