NRA: Bible-prophecy and phlebotinum

Nicolae: The Rise of Antichrist; pp. 141-143

We’re still in the middle of a long re-hash and review of Buck Williams’ relationship with the Israeli botanist Chaim Rosenzweig.

I’m happy to give the authors a pass on Rosenzweig’s miracle formula. They never really bother to describe it, and the explanations of its purpose and its effect are only ever presented in the sketchiest terms, but we can generously allow that bit to fall under the generally accepted rules for applied phlebotinum.

That’s the generic term for “the versatile substance that may be rubbed on almost anything to cause an effect needed by a plot.” Tim LaHaye’s “prophecies” and Jerry Jenkins “plot” require a miraculous formula that will make the desert bloom. Storytellers are entitled to be allowed such plot devices without being required to actually invent a working prototype. That’s part of the deal.

I’m not sure that deal applies to LaHaye as well as to Jenkins, though. It’s one thing to say, “I’m telling a story, and in this story there are wizards, or warp drives, or Kryptonian supermen, so please just accept those as part of the terms required for enjoying this story.” But it’s quite another thing to say, “The Word of God, as interpreted by me, declares that certain actual events are about to happen, here in reality, very soon, and these will in fact involve miraculous fertility formulas.” The willing suspension of disbelief is something we readers should grant to storytellers, but if the “Bible prophecies” of a “Bible prophet” require the suspension of disbelief, we should not be quite so willing.

It also would have been helpful if Jenkins had bothered to do a better job selling the phlebotinum of Rosenzweig’s miracle formula. Readers don’t ask for much in that regard — the judicious application of scientific-sounding terms like “ionized” or “molecular bonding” or some such would have been enough. (The “science” of phlebotinum doesn’t have to make perfect sense, it just has to sound sufficiently authoritative.)

Unfortunately for the authors, though, the rules of applied phlebotinum don’t apply to fundamental human nature. A storyteller can bend the laws of physics to allow humans to travel faster than light if the plot requires it, or she can invent whole new rules to allow humans to wield magic if that’s what the story needs. But those humans flying at warp-speed or practicing their wand-craft at Hogwarts still need to be recognizably human.

And that’s the problem with the Rosenzweig subplot. It doesn’t matter to readers that there’s not really any such thing as a magic formula to make the desert bloom. But it does matter, a great deal, that there has never been any such thing as humans who would respond to the existence of such a formula the way the alleged humans in these books do.

It had been Chaim Rosenzweig who had first mentioned the name Nicolae Carpathia to Buck. Buck had asked the old man if any of those who had been sent to court him about the formula had impressed him. Only one, Rosenzweig had told him; a young midlevel politician from the little country of Romania. Chaim had been taken with Carpathia’s pacifist views, his selfless demeanor, and his insistence that the formula had the potential to change the world and save lives.

So leaders from all over the world came to talk to Rosenzweig about the potential use of his miraculous agricultural formula, yet only one mentioned that it might be used to help feed the hungry.

No. That’s not possible. That’s less believable than warp-drives or wormholes or wizardry.

It also suggests so many missed opportunities. Nicolae could have persuaded Rosenzweig with a speech about turning stones into loaves of bread — echoing the words of the temptation of Christ in the wilderness and exploring a nice contrast between Christ and Antichrist. Or Nicolae could have made the case that employing Rosenzweig’s formula all over the world instead of just in the tiny state of Israel would be an effective way to recapture carbon in the atmosphere — thus saving the world from the worst potential effects of climate change. (The authors don’t believe in climate change, of course, but that’s all the more a reason to make fighting it a part of the Antichrist’s agenda.)

Buck could hardly remember when he had not been aware of Nicolae Carpathia, though his first exposure even to the name had been in that interview with Rosenzweig. Within days after the vanishings, the man who had seemingly overnight become president of Romania was a guest speaker at the United Nations. His brief address was so powerful, so magnetic, so impressive, that he had drawn a standing ovation even from the press — even from Buck. Of course, the world was in shock, terrified by the disappearances, and the time had been perfect for someone to step to the fore and offer a new international agenda for peace, harmony, and brotherhood.

Carpathia was thrust, ostensibly against his will, into power. He displaced the former secretary-general of the United Nations …

Again, there are impossibilities and implausibilities here that no amount of applied phlebotinum can fix. We read Carpathia’s speech at the U.N. and it was awful — an alphabetical listing of the nations of the world, in nine languages. Even that is fixable, I suppose, with an appeal to another bit of phlebotinum in these stories — Nicolae’s supernatural powers of spellbinding charisma and mind-control. But even if we grant that, there’s still the problem of the authors’ complete misunderstanding and misrepresentation of what the United Nations is and how it works.

In these books, the U.N. is not an international forum for diplomacy, but a federation of nations. The secretary-general of the U.N. is thus not a toothless diplomat impotently pleading for co-operation, but the most powerful person in the entire world. He is king over kings, president over presidents, prime minister over prime ministers. The U.N. secretary-general rules over and can over-rule any national leader, by fiat apparently. His word is law.

That’s so far removed from anything like reality that this plot development simply cannot be salvaged. And since this plot development is central to the plot of the series, it’s a fatal, un-fixable flaw that sinks the entire story.

If he were simply given free-rein as a storyteller, Jenkins might have been able to fix this. He could have explained that in the alternate universe in which this story is set, the United Nations isn’t like the U.N. we have, but that it instead works like the planetary hierarchy described here. Readers could have gone along with that.

But the rules of this series don’t allow for that. This story is, and must be, set in our world — in this world and in no other, with the same nations, institutions, economics, politics, physics, chemistry and human race we see all around us and read about in the newspaper. Jenkins can make minor cosmetic changes — turning Newsweek into Global Weekly, or turning United into Pan-Continental airlines — but he cannot change anything substantive, transforming the world of his story into a different place unrecognizable to residents of the real world and irreconcilable with the real world we know.

That’s non-negotiable, again, because these books are supposed to be a depiction of the fulfillment of LaHaye’s “Bible prophecies,” and those prophecies, if they are to mean anything, have to unfold in this world and not in some alternate universe with an alternate U.N.

What it really means, then, when we read that “Carpathia was thrust … into power [as] secretary-general of the United Nations” is that Jenkins story can be allowed to stagger along, but LaHaye’s prophecies are henceforth proved to be nonsense. They cannot be fulfilled in this world, only in the alternate universe of Jenkins’ story. And since we do not live in that alternate universe, we do not live in a world in which Tim LaHaye’s interpretation of the Bible is possible.

It’s also not obvious to me that a world “in shock,” from the instantaneous disintegration of every single child would be ripe “for someone to step to the fore and offer a new international agenda for peace, harmony, and brotherhood” as much as it would be ripe for an authoritarian tyrant who promised to avenge their loss and protect them from future harm. Nicolae’s kumbaya message might have persuaded some to trust him, but I think just after the vanishings he could have gained more popular support by standing up and saying, “Christ took your children. I am the Antichrist. I will make him pay. Who’s with me?”

Carpathia was thrust, ostensibly against his will, into power. He displaced the former secretary-general of the United Nations, reorganized it to include ten international mega-territories, renamed it the Global Community, moved it to Babylon (which was rebuilt and renamed New Babylon), and then set about disarming the entire globe.

There are seven verbs in that last sentence. Some of them are merely absurdities while the others are impossibilities. Several are both absurd and impossible.

And none of that can be fixed with an appeal to our willing suspension of disbelief. Poor Jenkins has been given an arbitrary list of “prophecies” that must be fulfilled, whether or not they make any sense. Why would Nicolae want or need to do any of that? Why would anyone else watch him do it without assuming he’d lost his mind? Jenkins’ only answer is the answer LaHaye supplies him: It’s what has been prophesied. And there’s no way to make any of that seem acceptable by reversing the polarity or reconfabulating the tachyon pulse or reassembling all the pieces of the lost amulet of power.

Jenkins half-heartedly tries to wave Rosenzweig’s formula like a magic wand that can transform all this nonsense into sense, but he winds up digging a deeper hole:

It had taken more than Carpathia’s charismatic personality to effect all this. He had a trump card. He had gotten to Rosenzweig. He had convinced the old man and his government that the key to the new world was Carpathia’s and the Global Community’s ability to broker Rosenzweig’s formula in exchange for compliance with international rules for disarmament. In exchange for a Carpathia-signed guarantee of at least seven years of protection from her enemies,* Israel licensed to him the formula that allowed him to extract any promise he needed from any country in the world. With the formula, Russia could grow grain in the frozen tundra of Siberia. Destitute African nations became hothouses of domestic food sources and agricultural exports.

And there, at the end of that paragraph, we get a tiny hint of the one way I can imagine that we could still salvage Jerry Jenkins’ plot.

The formula, Jenkins says, made it possible for every nation on earth to grow rich through “agricultural exports.” Now, we could just take that as further confirmation that Jenkins doesn’t have the first clue about real-world economics. “Export to who?” we could ask, and then laugh at the absurdity of the authors’ ignorance and incuriosity.

Or we could assume that the authors have thought this through and really mean what they’re suggesting. If every nation on Earth is now exporting agricultural products, that can only mean one thing: Extra-terrestrial markets for Earth produce.

And what would we Earthlings get in exchange for the “flowers and grains” that Rosenzweig’s miracle formula would allow us to sell to our new interplanetary trading partners? Unobtainium. Huge, vast amounts of unobtainium — more than any desperately plot-patching storyteller could ever dream of.

With that inexhaustible supply of pure unobtainium, the people of Earth would be able to fuel a planetary phlebotinumizer — a machine so powerful and so incomprehensible that it might even be used to make Tim LaHaye’s “Bible prophecies” slightly less absurd.

- – - – - – - – - – - -

* It’s not clear why a “guarantee of at least seven years of protection from her enemies” would mean anything to the state of Israel described in these books.

We were told — way back on page 8 of the first book — that:

The prosperity brought about by the miracle formula changed the course of history for Israel. Flush with cash and resources, Israel made peace with her neighbors.

So what’s the incentive to sign a treaty promising short-term protection from “enemies” that we’ve already been told don’t exist?

The only remaining “enemies” Israel had were Russia and Ethiopia, and those nations have already taken their best shot — exhausting their entire national arsenals and sacrificing their entire militaries in an all-out assault on Israel that failed to produce a single injury due to the explicit, miraculous intervention by the hand of God.

So here comes Nicolae Carpathia, asking Israel to trade him the miracle formula in exchange for a “guarantee of at least seven years of protection from her enemies.” But Israel has no remaining enemies. And the last enemy they did have was destroyed by the very hand of the Almighty. With God personally intervening to swat down any attack against them, what’s the appeal of a short-term non-aggression pledge from the president of Romania?

  • http://twitter.com/FearlessSon FearlessSon

    First?

  • Lori

    Is there anything in these books that actually makes sense? How can one writer be so very wrong about so many things? Does Jenkins not know any actual human beings? Did he experience a head injury that destroyed his ability to follow a line of reasoning to its logical conclusion? I just don’t get it.

  • http://anonsam.wordpress.com/ AnonymousSam

    I’m currently under the same roof as a person who believes that the UN is capable of conquering the United States purely by waving a flag and having its subjugate members attack, which of course they would without a moment’s notice, and that’s why it’s so important to have lots and lots of guns.

    He’s also not incredibly pleased about the bullet shortage, which he’s convinced is part of a sinister government plot and certainly has nothing to do with the many militias he’s advocated rise up and attack the government.

  • hidden_urchin

    I maintain Buck was actually mind-whammied. That’s the only explanation for how he can think that speech was good and, oh yeah, how he can work for the AntiChrist.

  • http://apocalypsereview.wordpress.com/ Invisible Neutrino

    Every time I think all the levels of absurdity have been thoroughly plumbed by this series, Fred exposes yet another, this time having to do with the completely wrong-headed and bizarre portrayal of our own world in ways that don’t make a lick of sense.

    Even people don’t behave as average people; they behave like cardboard cutouts, doing the author’s bidding as sheer plot service for fans.

  • http://twitter.com/FearlessSon FearlessSon

    Ah, the Troping is strong in this one.

    All this talk about alternate universes, combined with a certain game released last month, has got me thinking. In all the myriad quantum possibilities, is there an alternate universe out there in which Tim LaHay did not become the prophetic leader of an organization of religious zealots who shuffle money and influence to him? Is that Alternate!LaHay actually a good guy who is trying (and sometimes failing) to atone for the sins of his past? Will all this start making sense around the baptismal fount?

  • GeniusLemur

    Why would Israel trade this super-duper-amazing trump card for seven years of peace? With all the significance and power the authors have attributed to the formula, it ends up being something like this:

    Bob: In exchange for your million-dollar stock holdings, I’ll pay off the last $50,000 on your mortgage.
    Fred: Sure! That sounds fair!

  • Fusina

    Completely off topic, but I finally figured out my resistance to organized religions (all of them, and I do mean all of them). They are all exclusionary.

    This, for some reason, annoys the hell out of me. Can’t imagine why. /sarcasm

  • aunursa

    His brief address was so powerful, so magnetic, so impressive…

    .

    Brief? According to Book #1 it took him half an hour to display his encyclopedic knowledge of the United Nations. And that was after he recited the name of each country in alphabetical order. Reviewing the videos of President Obama and other world leaders, I find that ~ 30 minutes is the typical length of a talk by a head of state to the UN General Assembly. Nicky’s speech would have been almost Clintonesque by comparison.

  • http://heathencritique.wordpress.com/ Ruby_Tea

    Verna Zee Sensible Shoes Confrontation Countdown: 205 pages

    I have a new post, too!

    http://heathencritique.wordpress.com/2013/04/26/tsoa-chapter-46-the-triumphant-return-of-obi-wan/

    /shameless plug

  • aunursa

    With the formula, Russia could grow grain
    in the frozen tundra of Siberia. Destitute African nations became hothouses of
    domestic food sources and agricultural exports.

    That new nitrate use they demonstrated in Argentina this
    morning. That soil had more vitamins in it six hours later than a drugstore
    chain. I know that country. That’s as barren and fruitless as any place on
    earth… [W]hen this earth gets enough to
    eat and there are no more wars or diseases or famines, this is going to be a
    garden of Eden.

    Michael Chambers, from the Twilight Zone
    episode “<a href=" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U5NWCD7D5n8 To
    Serve Man“

  • http://heathencritique.wordpress.com/ Ruby_Tea

    The Other Leaders’ collective response to Chaim’s formula reminds me of this exchange from Top Secret!

    Doctor Flamond: You see, a year ago, I was close to perfecting the first magnetic desalinization process so revolutionary, it was capable of removing the salt from over five hundred million gallons of seawater a day. Do you realize what that could mean to the starving nations of the earth?

    Nick Rivers: Wow. They’d have enough salt to last forever.

    The difference being that Nick was supposed to be a parody of a clueless American hero.

  • SisterCoyote

    *looks at post*

    *looks at clock*

    *looks at article*

    …deadlines schmeadlines, I missed this series for the one week it was gone.

  • Flying Squid with Goggles

    This would all make a hell of a lot more sense if Carpathia had developed the super-growth formula, and now after all the nations of the world have been consuming Carpathized grains and fruits for a couple years they all suddenly decide to make him king, because everyone who eats a Carpathized food item becomes a little more suggestible – if you know the keys to use the slightly altered biochemistry of their brains…

  • http://kadhsempire.yuku.com/ Matt

    Just for the fun of it, I decided to memorize the names of all the countries and see if I could say them from memory. list source: http://www.un.org/en/members/
    Because I don’t have tons of time, it took me about ten days before I could do it. Since I don’t speak most of the languages, I only did it in English.

    Can I be the secretary-general of the UN and get the senate to pass gun control now?

  • http://brgulker.wordpress.com/ brgulker

    I love these NRA posts so hard.

  • hidden_urchin

    That would also parallel the feeding of the five thousand nicely. Is there any place L&J did not make the wrong choice?

  • http://mordicai.livejournal.com Mordicai

    But those humans flying at warp-speed or practicing their wand-craft at Hogwarts still need to be recognizably human.

    Or be interestingly alien or post-human, but yes; we call shenanigans when characters lack verisimilitude in a way we don’t when the MacGuffin MacGuffins. This is why making fun of, say, the Empire for building a second, dumber Death Star to blow up, or Ewoks killing Stormtroopers is a bigger issue than, say, the sound of weapons in a vacuum or how hyperspace works.

  • aunursa

    he could have gained more popular support by standing up and saying, “Christ took your children. I am the Antichrist. I will make him pay. Who’s with me?”

    Nicolae: Hey, what’s all this lyin’ around shit?
    United North American King: Well what’re we s’posed to do, you moron?
    United Indian States King: War’s over, man Jesus dropped the big one.
    Nicolae: Over? Did someone say over? Was it over when the Prussians … bombed Tel Aviv?
    United Pacific States King: Prussians?
    Fortunato: Forget it, he’s rolling.
    Nicolae: Hell no! And it ain’t over now! Who’s with me?

  • http://mordicai.livejournal.com Mordicai

    I think just after the vanishings he could have gained more popular support by standing up and saying, “Christ took your children. I am the Antichrist. I will make him pay. Who’s with me?”

    Also yeah, that would probably work. I mean, the same way that any god with a hell is one you should oppose tooth & nail.

  • http://thatbeerguy.blogspot.com Chris Doggett

    I keep circling back to the missing children. If LeHay’s “prophecy” didn’t have all the children vanishing, the notion of “insta-food formula + charisma = OWG” might be more plausible, but the theft of every child on the planet would cause a cry such as never had been heard before, and the deafening silence from LeJenkins is simply boggling.

    Had the vanishings been limited to RTCs, and excluded children, then the rest might work. The vanishings become a small story with a trivial number of adults missing. Plane crashes get the most attention, but for most of the world (and a lot of the U.S.) it’s simply a mystery that affected a tiny number of folks, and an even smaller group of people know the truth. The average person doesn’t care about the disappearances or doesn’t see them as part of a larger pattern.

    The plot goes something like this:

    Israel has miracle formula. Iran suggests hostilities, but suffers a nuclear meltdown in one of their reactors; it’s revealed to be the result of a virus/botnet designed by the Israelis called “Gog”. When ace reporter Cameron Williams breaks the story, allies of Iran (Ethiopia and Russia) launch an attack Israel, but nukes “miraculously” detonate in the air while planes crash mid-flight. This rumored to be the work of a similar complex Israeli virus/botnet code-named “MaGog”. Fallout from the nukes hits the fertile crescent and the American breadbasket, causing food shortages. Carpathia uses leverage with Chaim to ascend to the U.N., brokers deal for the formula, giving special notice to Israel as the birthplace of the formula.

    BUT then you have to throw over the whole “age of accountability/children get Rapture-d” business, and LeHay probably wouldn’t allow that.

  • Fusina

    Your story sounds more plausible… also readable. When ya gonna write it?

  • P J Evans

    And of course noting to do with the police and the military, who also have to buy bullets from somewhere.

  • Lori

    Do you realize what that could mean to the starving nations of the earth?

    Total destruction, since at that rate it wouldn’t take them all that long to upset the salt/fresh water balance and total screw the pooch on the hydrological cycle?

  • Lori

    Wow, that is a whole lotta wrong in just a couple sentences.

  • P J Evans

    A whole lot of salt they they’re going to have to do *something* with? (Most salt gets used in industry, but still….)

  • http://anonsam.wordpress.com/ AnonymousSam

    I’m assuming that’s part of the sinister government plot. He’s already decided that the background checks bill was actually about registering all existing weapons and confiscating any of which the global alliance of liberals doesn’t approve. I gather from his attitude toward me that he’s decided that I’m not a real liberal, just some poor shmuck stupid enough to have believed the liberal lies, so if I tell him anything about the so-called liberal agenda, he doesn’t believe it coming from me.

  • http://anonsam.wordpress.com/ AnonymousSam

    It’d be even worse if I quoted him verbatim with the racial slurs every other sentence.

  • Lori

    Lovely.

  • Worthless Beast

    I can *sorta* see how agricultural exports work in a world with actual miracle-gro if the countries/regions are growing different things, say Russia is growing wheat, Sudan is growing fruit and Alaska is growing tea or something and they’re all trading different produce with each other. If the miracle-gro is making everything grow everywhere, though, it doesn’t make sense. Also, if it’s a global government, any export/import business would be more rightly treated like “regions within a country” rather than the gist that is being used. How often do you use the term “American beef imported from Texas?”
    I also suppose a seven year peace treaty with people who aren’t your nation’s enemies anymore would be the path of the paranoid…
    Gah, reading these excerpts… been years since I read the book… forgot/had no idea how mind-numbingly dull the prose is. Almost like reading C-Span as a book… or possibly something written by a foggy-mind at 4 am while watching C-Span.

  • http://anonsam.wordpress.com/ AnonymousSam

    Yeah… many reasons why I never want to have to move back here. At the best of times, his company is atrocious. At the worst of times… well, I did have to battle a fire that, I discovered today, came closer to claiming the entire house than I had thought. While we were on one side of the house, the fire had crept around to the other and was on the verge of burning its way into the room behind us, which could even have trapped us in a burning room.

    I just want a safe, relatively calm, positive place to write my book!

  • Jessica_R

    Too good to pass up.

    New Leaves

    Chloe watched in fascination as the woman traced her slender fingers over the stem of the plant and gently traced the petals. The bloom was a buttery yellow, and it made a striking contrast with the mottled silver and plum of her skin. The solid obsidian of her eyes seems to take every molecule of the flower in.

    “A tulip?”

    “Yes ma’am,” the woman looked unsettled and Chloe cursed her careless mistake, “…forgive me, Altan, that is a tulip and as you see we have quite the selection, from bulbs to cut bouquets.”

    Altan’s people has quickly gotten the reputation of being obsessed with that particular species, scorning the orchids the Jadash bought by the pallets as “weeds”. A wine brewed from the petals had quickly become a must on their banquet tables. And as a result there was said to be no price they would not pay for a bulb.

    Chloe felt again like Altan could read her thoughts. Or maybe she’d guessed enough to be amused by the petty squabbles of a race that had yet to master intergalactic flight. Rosenzweig’s formula had ended world hunger at the cost of cementing Carpathia’s bid for power. The arrival of The Katist had been taken as another sign of Carpathia’s divine blessing in being “chosen” to lead. Chloe had to wonder how they reconciled God forgetting to include mention of extraterrestrial life when he was setting down this divine plan. The Katist were canny diplomats, they sent ships to buy from different markets all over the world so as not to be seen favoring one nation over another. Their leaders had dined with Carpathia, and with other heads of state, and they had given token examples of their technology to labs across the globe. They did not extend their efforts much beyond that however, and one got the sense from watching them that they were waiting.

    Chloe busied herself with pretending to dust a counter top, she wondered if she should take the guns and weapons Altan would offer in payment. That if they were waiting for Carpathia to take over why were they arming the rebels one by one. And that even if they wished to see Carpathia out of power, would they not swoop in and crush the rebellion just as easily.

    “Don’t be afraid.”

    Chloe nearly jumped out her skin, Altan had to be able to read her thoughts, didn’t she? Altan gave no outward sign, “I didn’t mean to startle you, you just kept wiping that counter and looking more and more worried.”

    Chloe smiled and played it off, “Yeah, it’s been a long day. Have you find what you’re looking for?”

    “Very much so, a dozen of these, and two dozen of the black. Payment on delivery?”

    “Of course, thank you for choosing us, we’re grateful for the business.”

    “You look like you could use it, I don’t care much to see people suffer, I don’t like the…”underdog?”…to keep getting kicked. It’s so completely unnecessary and…” Altan trailed off looking like she said much more than she intended too. She smiled and touched her left hand to her throat, a sign of goodbye, Chloe returned the gesture and Altan turned to leave.

    Chloe watched her walk gracefully down the street, and turned over the last thing she’d said. She knew there were other races besides The Katist, their Jadash guards among them. And yet they had not come. She felt more secure in Altan’s trust which only raised more questions. Why would a highly advanced species want to help one so blighted as this one? Chloe picked up the watering can and began to walk up and down the rows, at the very least, she wished she could look at flowers like Altan did. Somewhere she heard a clock chime five.

  • Magic_Cracker

    The only mind whammy in these books is the one Nicolae pulled on his authors.

  • Lori

    Holy crap. I full on hate living with my family, but it’s nowhere near that bad. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you.

  • Lori

    There books are actually significantly worse than C-Span. C-SPAN is legitimately interesting at least part of the time, mostly on weekends when they run hours of Book TV.

  • http://anonsam.wordpress.com/ AnonymousSam

    Thank you, sincerely. Just hoping if I can get this giant doorstop finished, the income will be enough to make things a bit easier at home. I can’t not write, so if I can get some money out of it…

    (I’m currently at a computer which doesn’t have Word, so I have no idea what my progress is in terms of pages/word count, but I’d say I’m about… a fourth to a third of the way done. Now in the process of introducing the Big Bad and the last of the protagonists. Is bloody hard writing proper angels…)

  • http://jesustheram.blogspot.com/ Mr. Heartland

    I think the way that the Bush administration dealt with the UN in the runup to the Iraq War gets to heart of the anti-UN nonsense. Our right wing sees it as competing with the US for the “AHHHHHHH Isthesavioroftheuniverse!” pedestal.

    “which he’s convinced is part of a sinister government plot and certainly has nothing to do with the many militias he’s advocated rise up and attack the government.”
    What skin color and religion would this person happen to be? The authorities need to know if we’re dealing with a terrorist threat here.

  • general_apathy

    “Protection from her enemies” sounds like the world’s worst protection racket.

    “Nice country. It’d be a shame if something were to happen to it…”

  • Lunch Meat

    He displaced the former secretary-general of the United Nations, reorganized it to include ten international mega-territories, renamed it the Global Community, moved it to Babylon (which was rebuilt and renamed New Babylon), and then set about disarming the entire globe.

    Do L&J know that not all the countries in the world are members of the UN? I have $5 on “no.”

  • http://jesustheram.blogspot.com/ Mr. Heartland

    Yeah, if the global food supply does rise to the point where it becomes impossible for anyone to lack food, it certainly would change things very dramatically. Especially if the population problem is suddenly “taken care of” at the same time.

  • http://anonsam.wordpress.com/ AnonymousSam

    He’s a white southern-leaning atheist libertarian, but probably in no condition to actually cause any damage, aside from at the domestic level.

  • aunursa

    An expanded Israel is living in perfect harmony with her neighbors. You think a little thing like non-member states is going to interfere with L&J’s vision of the Tribulation?

  • http://jesustheram.blogspot.com/ Mr. Heartland

    Mmm. Atheist you say? That’s a kind of Muslim you know.
    (Seriously though, best of luck with; everything. Stay safe.)

  • Dogfacedboy

    So leaders from all over the world came to talk to Rosenzweig about the potential use of his miraculous agricultural formula, yet only one mentioned that it might be used to help feed the hungry.

    Rosenzweig: Why do you wish to have the formula?
    Prime Minister #1: As an anniversary gift for my wife. I caught holy hell when I forgot her birthday.

    Rosenzweig: Why do you wish to have the formula?
    Prime Minister #2: I’ll be straight with you. I owe some pretty dangerous people a lot of money.

    Rosenzweig: Why do you wish to have the formula?
    Prime Minister #3: Well, you see, we have all these goats.

    Rosenzweig: Why do you wish to have the formula?
    Prime Minister #4: I don’t know if you ever get cravings, Doctor, but I just can’t get enough okra.

  • http://heathencritique.wordpress.com/ Ruby_Tea

    Leon Fortunato, Jim Hickman, and Loren Hut. My trio of woobies.

  • Carstonio

    “He is king over kings, president over presidents, prime minister over prime ministers. The U.N. secretary-general rules over and can over-rule any national leader, by fiat apparently. His word is law.” Àpparently Ellanjay see the UN as like the medieval
    Catholic Church when popes apparently had that level of power.

  • Magic_Cracker

    Re: UN Agenda 21 and other assorted conspiracies … Why does the UN need the US adopt this law or that treaty before sending in the Blue Helmets? If it were hell-bent on conquering the US of A by hook or by crook, wouldn’t they just do it?

  • Launcifer

    I imagine it would look something like this. The relevant bit kicks in around 1.50 and, no, there’s no full frontal nudity involved.

  • Pearl

    Ugh, why do they have to always call Israel “her”! It’s creepy!

  • phoenix_feather

    That sucks, I’m sorry. I hope your situation improves and that you find a nice, safe space to write your book!


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