Something happened and now I know

Something happened and now I know July 28, 2015

OK, so, yes, there is a group called “Touch ‘Em All Ministries” and they now seem a bit defensive when asked about that name.

Touching

But let’s try to cut ’em a little slack. These are earnest white evangelicals whose outfit is “dedicated to sharing the Gospel of Jesus Christ with participants at sporting events.” They were probably really excited when they came up with the name “Touch ‘Em All Ministries.” It spells TEAM — a terrific acronym for a sports-related ministry. The phrase originates in baseball, where it connotes victory and success (touching all the bases after hitting a home run). And it also conveys something of the group’s Great Commission passion — “go and make disciples of all nations.”

Those are three strong reasons this seems like a great name.

Alas, they didn’t see the one even stronger reason it’s not.

Being innocent as doves but not wise as serpents, it apparently didn’t occur to them that “Touch ‘Em All Ministries” might take on other, less positive, connotations in a world of clergy sex-abuse scandals and the Youth Minister Google Game. That guileless innocence is almost commendable. These are well-intentioned folk who were able to say, without hesitation, “Yes, please, we’d like you to paint the phrase ‘Touch ‘Em All’ on the side of our windowless trailer.”

(Side note: As a member of the Army of Laid-Off Copy Editors, allow me to point out that this is another vital service that copy editors can provide. The craft entails more than just helping to clean up grammar and spelling. It also includes the necessary discipline of reviewing all materials through the lens of a filthy-minded junior high student to ensure that unintended entendres are caught and corrected before they induce widespread giggling.)

This unfortunately named group doesn’t seem to be a big-money outfit that can easily afford to repaint the van and order all new letterhead, so a name change may not be easy for them.

My guess is they’re probably trying to figure out if they can just start going by “TEAM” without spelling it out (and without getting sued by The Evangelical Alliance Mission).

I feel for them. So let me dedicate a song — a beloved Christian classic from Bill Gaither:


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