Sunshine don’t hold up to dark


“After this I looked, and there was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, from all tribes and peoples and languages … eating delicious pancakes.” Remembering the I in IHOP. Plus: The Stone Age lasted longer than a few generations; Alabama police should choose a more honest Beatitude; and say hello to the Gerry Adams of Operation Rescue. [Read more...]

We dig our heels in and wonder who’s gonna win


“He was anti-abortion. … Rusty had an issue with feminine rights. He was opposed to women having a say in anything.” Or, in other words, the pattern continues. Also: Still calling bal tashhit on an illegal occupation; Operation Rescue liars make up quotes from RBG; and a fossil from the Garden of Eden. [Read more...]

When did Adam and Eve get married?

Pro-tip: Check the tide charts before scheduling your beach wedding. High tide + rainstorm = flooding.

In the story itself, on its own terms, Adam and Eve didn’t get married in anything like the way Christians today get married. They simply shacked up together. Although, of course, shacks — like clothing — had not yet been invented. Neither had marriage, for that matter. [Read more...]

Jesus is not like Joseph. God is not like Pharaoh.


John Hagee’s weird little “prophetic overlay” about Joseph and Jesus thus highlights the way his “Bible prophecy” scheme turns the book of Revelation on its head. It portrays God as Pharaoh. It portrays Jesus as Joseph — saving the world by enslaving it by force. [Read more...]

Abraham wasn’t like us, but we’re also not like Abraham

Peter O'Toole as Obi Wan Yahwobi in the 1966 epic "The Bible."

The idea that God speaks directly and unambiguously to humans is a given in the story of Abraham. The idea that God speaks directly and unambiguously to humans now is simply false. When that story is invoked today in support of the claim that we have precisely the same kind of direct and unambiguous access to divine command as Abraham had, then something dangerously wrong is going on. [Read more...]

Just take everything down to Highway 61: Obedience is always about epistemology


No, no, no, the “pastors and apologists” say — that violates the spirit of the story. It’s about obedience, not epistemology. For the sake of the story, you must accept that you receive this command from God as an unambiguous revelation: You know with certainty it is a command from God. But that just restates the problem, it doesn’t solve it. Obedience is always about epistemology. [Read more...]

Feel our souls wear out and our laces break


Some Monday morning links, including: Joseph and the Appalling Totalitarian Despot revisited; our credit overlords tweak their formula; maternal mules; tearing the corporate veil; and grinning in the presence of mine enemies. [Read more...]

Chemtrails & Creationists: ‘Biblical inerrancy’ as conspiracy theory


“Inerrancy” is a kind of conspiracy theory. In this framework, theologians and biblical scholars are the equivalent of Air Force spokesmen. Seminaries are Area 51 (“they” will never admit what really goes on in there). [Read more...]