LBCF, No. 111: ‘The Longest Day’

When looked at scene-by-scene in this way, it becomes clear that Left Behind is a published first draft. The authors didn’t bother with any rewriting. They never even bothered with re-reading. Respect for craft and respect for your audience go hand in hand. Likewise, disrespect for craft and disrespect for your audience go hand in hand. [Read more…]

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LBCF, No. 110: ‘Sexiest Man Alive’

Wherein Buck and Steve watch TV, a couple of comic bits fall flat, and Nicolae tells the Beave, in detail, about his plans to bring the U.N. into accord with premillennial dispensationalist numerology. [Read more…]

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LBCF, No. 109: ‘Why doctors hate healthy people’

Purely by chance, today’s classic Left Behind installment (i.e.: re-run) features a random Carol Brady reference. RIP Florence Henderson. In this terrible year, we’re even losing our Wessonality. Click through for a boggling tour of one of the nastiest Lies for Jesus and how anti-abortion urban legends can make “Christian” fiction incomprehensible. [Read more…]

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LBCF, No. 108: ‘Dead man’s messages’

I’ve seen Left Behind described as a “page-turner,” but you’d have to be turning those pages really, really fast for any of this to seem to make sense. [Read more…]

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LBCF, No. 107: ‘Hot property’

Jimmy Bats is because Jimmy’s a meth-head so he never sleeps. He’s up all night. Like a bat. It’s not ’cause of that thing he does with his eyes and it’s not because of what he did to that guy behind Cramer’s. He did that with a pool cue. [Read more…]

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LBCF, No. 106: ‘L&P&U&B’

Vigilant against the rise of a coming Antichrist, LaHaye and Jenkins are not on the lookout against the deceptions of disingenuous false leaders, but rather against anyone with a message of love and peace and understanding and brotherhood. They’ve gotten so caught up in guarding against wolves in sheep’s clothing that anything in sheep’s clothing is viewed as the enemy. So all sheep must be shot on sight. [Read more…]

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LBCF, No. 105: ‘Conditional election’

“Ecumenical” is another bogeyman word in these books. Generally speaking, it should be read here as connoting “relativistic, truth-denying.” Keep in mind also that Tim LaHaye is a longtime John Birch Society member, and that the main offices for the ecumenical National Council of Churches are in New York, in a building donated by John D. Rockefeller, and you’ll begin to get a sense of how ominous and portentous this is meant to seem. [Read more…]

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LBCF, No. 104: ‘It could be bunnies’

“Dr. Rosenzweig believes that some confluence of electromagnetism in the atmosphere, combined with as yet unknown or unexplained atomic ionization from the nuclear power and weaponry throughout the world, could have been ignited or triggered — perhaps by a natural cause like lightning, or even by an intelligent life-form that discovered this possibility before we did — and caused this instant action throughout the world.” [Read more…]

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