Holding Feet to the Fire: The Role of Accountability in Spiritual Direction

Holding Feet to the Fire: The Role of Accountability in Spiritual Direction July 14, 2017

feet to the fireOccasionally I hear someone say they want a spiritual director who will “hold their feet to the fire,” meaning one who will challenge them, push them or hold them accountable to some self-determined standard. While the metaphor of “feet to fire” seems a little harsh (I prefer non-violent metaphors), I do understand that the covenant relationship between spiritual director and client involves personal responsibility – a whole lot on the part of the director but also some on the part of the directee.

Here are a few ways a spiritual director might hold you accountable:

 

  • Making sure you are the “driver” of the relationship. You decide to make the appointments, how often to meet and when it is time to take a break or end spiritual direction. (In some cases, director and directee make these decisions together.) You decide what to share in spiritual direction. We hold you accountable to simply being you.

 

  • Expecting you to show up for the appointments you make. Of course, you may cancel or reschedule—that’s life. Accountability means you agree to show up and promise to communicate with your director if you cannot.

 

  • Ensuring that you claim responsible for attending to your own spiritual journey. The spiritual director is a companion along the way, not the fixer. No one can tell you how to live your life—that’s on you.

 

  •  Expecting you to maintain a regular spiritual practice. You decide what that is and you agree to make do it regularly. If your only spiritual practice is a monthly session with a director, you are not going to have the meaningful spiritual growth you are looking for. Your regular spiritual practice (any kind of prayer, meditation, journaling, worship, serving others, yoga, tree-hugging, etc.) is where you are most likely to experience God or develop questions you want to explore in spiritual direction.

 

  • When you ask us to hold you accountable to a particular goal. Spiritual directors don’t set goals for our clients, but clients sometimes set their own goals along the spiritual path and ask us to “hold their feet to the fire.” We will do this as long as you feel need this. It may only involve a simple question about your goal at each session. If you want more support and cheerleading than that, you may need to find a life coach.

 

  • Under certain circumstances, directors may challenge you on something you say. The challenging of a directee usually only occurs after we know you really well and suspect that you are ready for a challenge. If something you share seems “off” to us or if we feel a particular nudging from the Spirit, we may ask for a perception-check or question you. Most directees challenge themselves quite enough so this is not necessary. But if you feel some challenges are needed, we will offer them—though sparingly.

 

The desire to be held accountable by another person is commendable. However, the accountability that matters is to yourself and God. A good spiritual director knows that and will encourage you to strengthen your own capacity for accountability.

 


 

Want to try spiritual direction? I have openings in my schedule for new directees—regardless of where you live. I can work by phone, Skype or if you live in the Phoenix metro area we can meet in person. Contact me at teresa@teresablythe.net  or visit www.teresablythe.net.  Also visit my website for the Phoenix Center for Spiritual Direction.

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Photo credit: owenski via Foter.com / CC BY-NC-ND


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