The Gargoyle Code

The international listening posts of the Central Lack of Intelligence Agency have unscrambled various messages that have been sent electronically from sources unknown to destinations that have yet to be specified.

These messages were filtered out from the millions of electronic impulses radiating through the atomosphere. The messages were disguised and coded within the billions of cell phone signals transmitted and received everyday. Computer programs have now been able to filter out, de-code and translate the messages. The messages, while incomplete are of enough interest to be published.

Experts are still unclear who composed or sent the messages, but they seem to be instructions and training for undercover agents working in the field of religious propaganda. The first of the messages to be decoded says:

The new technologies of communication are to be exploited for our own ends. However, now that they have developed all these invisible means of communicating with one another they may soon start thinking that extra sensory perception or intuition is possible.

You will naturally want to encourage this, because you will think that from such interests you will be able to lead the gullible brutes into the delightful labyrinth of spiritualism, theosophy and the occult proper. This is just what I would expect from a beginner. Let me warn you most firmly not to follow that path. If they start to imagine that invisible means of communication are possible they may very well start to take prayer seriously. The next thing you know your patient will be doing something disgusting like praying the rosary, and that will lead to (horror of horrors!) a serious attempt at fasting.

Instead of the obvious route of tempting them into the occult (that so lacks subtlety my dear Hogwart) simply get them obsessed with the cleverness of their new playthings. In time you may get the females in your ward to use the internet for high speed gossip and endless shopping. Use the technology to lure young men into an addiction to pornography or role play games. With a little bit of finesse dear Hogwart, you will be able to lead the women into a delicious level of vanity and pure spitefulness, while you lead the men into a fantasy world that is only one step from the warmth of our eternal home.

Finally, be on your guard dear Hogwart. This is the season the enemy call Lent. Despite our successes in turning this into a time for ‘sharing with others’,some of the enemies agents still take prayer and fasting seriously. Watch out for them. The simpering self righteous little cretins make me want to vomit up all the exquisite bile I have been imbibing. Step on them Hogwart. Crush the vermin.

At this point the transmission is interrupted.

  • Mac McLernon

    ;-DVery funny, Fr D…(Be careful… C.S. Lewis found that “thinking from Screwtape’s perspective” seriously messed up his mind, as he explained in his introduction to “Screwtape Proposes a Toast”

  • Andrew

    Hogwart? Does Screwtape have another padawan learner then?