This story from the Daily Telegraph informs us that this rather sweet looking lady from Indonesia has been jailed for starting a teapot worshiping cult. The thugs enforcing sharia law in her country have not only jailed her, but sent in the bulldozers and demolished her perfectly lovely giant teapot. What a shocking bit of news!
There are simply too many angles to comment on. Where does one start? First of all, having lived in England for twenty five years, I can understand how perfectly reasonable it might be to worship the teapot. My mother in law, who seems to take tea intravenously, would certainly have no objection to joining such delightful religion.
Millie is a committed Anglican, and I can assure you, the importance of a good cup of tea to most Anglican ladies would make them prime targets for this cult’s missionaries. If this lady is getting into hot water (‘scuse the pun) in Indonesia, I suggest she heads for the UK. Many good Anglicans are rather put out at the moment with their church’s ‘problems’, and if they don’t actually join up, they’ll certainly splash out a few pounds to help this good lady re-build her teapot temple there in England. She should re-build on a vast scale somewhere like Swindon. If she does I guarantee her teapot will look nicer on the skyline than most of the monstrosities the English build in their modern cities.
But what if she does move to England? The poor soul is being persecuted by the worthy judges implementing sharia law. She won’t have long there before her teapot is pulled down again. It might even be the Archbishop of Canterbury himself–well known for being in favor of sharia law–who will sign the court order to demolish that teapot!
If such a thing happens, she can always come to the land of free and the home of the brave. Americans love new religions. They start several thousand a year as far as I can make out. Gosh, she’ll have a warm welcome! She’ll have her own TV show in a jiffy and the money will come flooding in. I can even see a whole theology developing. There will be arguments between those tea drinkers who are pre-lactate and post-lactate. (do you put the milk in before the tea, or the tea before the milk?) People will debate the best teas, the political implications of tea and whether it is right to allow caffeine in tea or not. Each teapot could be four stories high with plenty of room for religious meeting rooms and outlets of a new tearoom chain: Teabucks.
She could hire some television preachers who are pretty good at giving people a little boost and making people feel warm inside. Should she come to America she could build her big teapot at Disney World next to that charming ride called the Mad Hatter’s Teaparty.