Duane Mandible Visits Blighty

Guest blogger, Duane Mandible is a contributing editor to The Truth Hurts, a bi-monthly journal of politics, economics and opinion. He also contributes regularly to Freedom Monthly; Illuminations and The Sojourner. Duane is the author of Guns and Knives will Save Your Children’s Lives. He is Vice President of the Sacred Society of St Philibustre, and enjoys hunting rattlesnakes, square dancing and watching re runs of comedy classics. He is unmarried.

I have recently returned from England where I have conducted a liturgical symposium on behalf of the Sacred Society of St Philibustre on the History of the Western Ambrosianic Rubrics (non collegian). I was disappointed to find that five of the seven people who were in attendance (there were eight, but one had to catch a bus to Blackburn to do some shopping) were interlopers from the Latin Mass Association.

I did not expect to agree with these dear people on everything, but even I was shocked at the modernism of their ideas. While we in the Sacred Society of St Philibustre would dearly love to worship in solidarity with these ‘traditionalists’ we have to proclaim the truth that they are only play acting at liturgy and are no more ‘traditionalist’ than the Vatican II Catholics they so openly despise. It is well known that they are frauds in fiddlebacks. I have been to several of their Masses only to find that their maniples have buttons and not the traditional ribbons!

The Symposium on Liturgy was held at St Columbine’s College, East Gridlington, Lancashire. This is our modest establishment which meets in the church hall of the East Gridlington United Methodist Church. At present we share the premises with the local Methodist ladies weight loss club, but we hope before too long to find a more suitable location, and are enquiring about some property on Commercial Road in Darwen, Lancs.

My day started off with breakfast at ‘DunRoman’– a charming little bed and breakfast run by one of our English members, Mrs Daffodil McClean. Daffy cheerfully served up a fried egg with baked beans, half a cooked tomato and ‘black pudding’ and I washed it all down with a cup of strong tea. Fortified for the morning, Daff and I set off for the symposium. From 9:00 – 11:00 I delivered my paper on the importance of the offertory basket in the Ambrosianic Rite. I worked hard to come up with a catchy title, “The Liturgical Basket Cases of the Ambrosianic Rite.” It was difficult to do the subject justice is such a short amount of time, but as there were no questions we adjourned early for tea and some delicious custard cream biscuits.

Mrs. McClean (who at the age of 87 shows no signs of fading) is our society’s most important theologian. From 11:00 – 1:00 she delivered a stunning speech which was an expose of the liberalism in the ‘Catholic Church’ of Rome. Starting with Pope Pius IX she showed how liberalism had worm eaten its way into the highest echelons of power. Her talk entitled, “The Syllabub of Errors” showed that Pius IX was no more than a wolf in sheep’s clothing. For all his talk of exposing modernism, his relativistic reasoning ushered in an age of unparalleled free thought. Concluding with the Jew-loving Pius XII Daffodil showed how the stage was set for the ‘smoke of Satan’ to enter the Vatican corridors through secret societies of freemasons, vegetarians and international banking families.

After a delicious lunch of a cold sausage roll with some lettuce and salad cream, I concluded the day with my final address on the modernism of the ‘Tridentine Mass’. This Mass, which was finally established at the Council of Trenton, has now been exposed as being no more ancient than the 1950s. My main point, which seems unassailable, is that the so called ‘Tridentine’ Mass was developed in New Jersey by ‘modern liturgists’ at the same time as the Trident Missile System, and surely the name is not a mistake as it is a ‘Tridentine Missal” that they use for their liturgy.

My paper featured a detail which I discovered myself. It turns out that in Trenton, New Jersey in the 1950s liturgical books (including missals) were supplied by a company called Pannini, and at the same time in Trenton a weapons company called Panino’s were making ‘rubricans’ which were parts for the Trident Missile system. Also in the 1950s the Diocese of Trenton was led by a very modernist priest named Fr. Aldo Paninni from the famous New Jersey crime family. Who also had contracts to supply arms for the military. The similarity of the names, places and locations cannot be a co-incidence.

By the end of the day the members of the Latin Mass Association were mute. No questions. So we wound up the proceedings with another cup of tea and a rousing rendition of ‘Faith of Our Fathers’ with Mrs McClean at the piano.

Before heading back to the United States I was able to stop in London and visit the Victoria and Albert Museum. There is a display of medieval pikes, swords and ‘instruments of persuasion’ that I had been wanting to see for some time. Unfortunately, Daffodil was unable to make the trip to London, so I was met by her brother in law, Canon Ferdinand (Freddy) Pershaw-Grim, who is of the Anglo Catholic persuasion.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/12626318090077482286 DNA002

    Very, very funny, father. Your expose of northern English food brought back memories – salad cream must be Beelzebub's own condiment. And how about a little piccalilli with your gala pie? (That's the long pork pie with the stretched egg in it – I spent years working out how they did that, peering through the glass of Woolworth's food counter…)And you're spot on re:conspiracy theorists, too. Thank you for a much-needed laugh.


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