Hollywood Director Favors Man-Goat Love

Nick Satyr with his goat Gruff

Famed Hollywood Director Nick Satyr (Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Goats* –*but were afraid to ask, and Billy the Kid) came out yesterday in favor of Man-Goat love. “I mean, who really cares?” Satyr said. “As long as you’re not having kids what does it matter?”

Promoting his new film Satyricon the director said gruffly, “Isn’t this what we say about the gay community? Love whoever you want!” My film is really about helping people see that they should not judge anyone for their lifestyle choices.” He continued, “OK, some people will find man-goat love a bit yucchy. They should get over it. Catholics have found all kinds of sex yucchy. So what?”

Satyr’s new film follows a report from the American Psychological Association studying man-goat love. The report establishes that there are far more men interested in goat love than at first thought. One goat lover said, “How can anyone resist that charming mixture of mischief and innocence that flashes from a goat’s eyes?” Billy–another goat aficionado commented, “This was my secret for a long time, but I have now come out of the stable. My family were shocked at first, but they have now accepted Nanny into the family.” Billy’s mother said, “I still love Billy no matter what. He’s my boy, and if he loves a goat, I can think of far worse fates. What if I had a bridezilla for a daughter in law?” Meanwhile lawyers are discussing how man-goat civil partnerships might be arranged, and one activist has said angrily, “I don’t see why I can’t be married to my goat in church. We’re not harming anyone. Why do they think they’re so superior? Who are they to judge??? These people are so full of hate!!! I bet they eat at Chik-Fil-A!!”

A representative from MANGOLA (Man Goat Love Association) said, “It is good to see that members of the establishment are at last realizing that Man-Goat Love is here to stay. Instead of judging, people should empathize. Those of us who love goats were born this way. I myself can never remember a time when I did not find nanny goats attractive.”

Not all of the feedback has been positive. A spokeswoman for BAN (British Association of Nannies) fired back: “We resent the implication of Mr Satyr’s remarks. He is saying that all nannies are like goats and are therefore available for sexual exploitation. Our members are professionally trained child care professionals. Nannies are not goats! The memory of Mary Poppins has now been soiled forever!”

Mr. Duane Mandible of the conservative Catholic Group the Sacred Society of St Philibustre commented, “It is no co-incidence that Satan has often been portrayed as half man, half goat. These people are behaving like brute beasts of the field and their punishment will be reigned down from heaven upon them. May they rot forever in the pits of hell where there is weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth where the torment never ends and the worm dieth not.”

The National Man Boy Love Association put out statement in support of Mr Satyr. “We’re good with this. After all, we have always been in favor of loving kids.”

 

  • http://Themanwhowouldbeknight.com Ryan Kraeger

    :-o So would he be a satirical satyr? Or is this an example of satyrical satire?

  • Julie

    Father, you had me quite disgusted there for a minute. You must be a real riot at the dinner table with your many characters!

  • http://costlygrace.blogspot.com The_Archer_of_the_Forest

    And they wonder why normal people refer to it as “Hollyweird.”

  • Cephas

    Disgusting and hilarious! No kidding.

  • Julie

    You did make a good point, though!!!

  • http://www.marcusallensteele.com Marcus Allen Steele

    Father. Doesn’t the propriety of this relationship depend on whether the goat is male or female?

  • Will

    This news makes me Pan-ic!

  • The Egyptian

    you’re kidding,,,,,,right? :)

  • AndrewWS

    There was, of course, a play on in London (and the US) a few years ago about a man having an extra-marital affair with a goat. I don’t recall the title.

    Ah … thank you, Mr Google:

    http://www.ipollard.demon.co.uk/PQContinuum/Thegoat.html

  • Nathan

    Thought provoking to be sure. Of course, those supporting gay “marriage” will claim the difference lies in the lack of consent from the goat (odd as getting consent from a goat sounds!).

  • http://www.marcusallensteele.com Marcus Allen Steele

    Some of the other blogs are reporting that the goat’s student visa has expired and he/she is maneuvering for a green card. This has arranged marriage written all over it.

  • http://platytera.blogspot.com/ Christian LeBlanc

    Ouch & ouch. Such relentless punnishment.

  • Skay
  • Nathaniel

    Right. Because a goat and a human being are totally the same thing, able to sign contracts and give consent to legal relationships.

    And people like you wonder why gay marriage is increasingly accepted.

  • Zwetschgenkrampus

    @Nathaniel:

    Sorry to disagree, but I happen to find this a … humm, a good example for handling a hot situation while wearing kid gloves …

    Have you ever tried herding goats? If not, DO NOT BE SURPRISED! Getting a goat to do what you want is WAY MORE DIFFICULT than getting an assembly of law-makers to pass what you want …

    • Nathaniel

      Good job on completely missing the point. If it where an Olympic sport you’d get a gold medal.

      • Zwetschgenkrampus

        Thanks for the compliment ;-), but my point remains: Try getting consent from a human being or from a goat. You’ll be surprised as to who is easier to bamboozle …

        • Nathaniel

          Getting consent from an animal is a contradiction in terms legally. Given how that is impossible not to know that, I assume you’re being cute for the sake of annoying me.

          • Fr. Dwight Longenecker

            This is what I love about the trolls who come to this site: they always display an amazing mixture of ignorance, arrogance and a startling sense of their own importance mixed with the absence of any sense of humor. Thanks for visiting!

          • Zwetschgenkrampus

            I am quite aware of the legal view of things, thank you. I was, however, “being cute” not about points of law, but about points of fact. And it is a fact, indeed, a sobering fact that nothing may be so short-lived as a law made by man – the German jurist Rudolf von Jhering so concisely pointed out that “one stroke of a pen (by the legislator) turns whole libraries in just so much old paper”. So, think about this. And then, just for fun and giggles, try to think about the “pig-headedness” of the average goat – that is no law, that is just a fact, and as a fact, it may be one of the eternal truths inherent in this world …

        • Nathaniel

          Oh yeah. Because comparing gay people to animals is soooo funny.

          I must just lack a sense of humor. That’s it.

          • Jacob S

            No, you just missed the point, followed by yes you do lack a sense of humor. (The other two charges manifest in you missing the point.)

          • Nathaniel

            Then explain to me. Explain just what joke I am missing.

          • Jacob S

            Alright, I’ll give it a shot. This is satire. The purpose of satire is to point out, using perhaps some exaggeration, some word plays, and some fabricated situations which mirror reality in most ways except tone and directness, and any other available tools, the inherent absurdity in some part of reality as we humans have made it.

            Satire does not try to create a joke at all as much as pointing one out that’s already there – it merely highlights an absurd situation in a way that is amusing. This is not Fr. Longnecker saying “gay people are animals hur hur hur.” This is a satirical presentation of a real line of thought that really exists, really is gaining momentum and really is ridiculous – but no more ridiculous than the gay “marriage” argument is and was assumed to be at the beginning of the push for the normalization of that. (And in fact, your disdain for this argument and the statement of how ridiculous it is echoes feelings towards gay marriage just a few years ago so closely that you are almost adding to the satire.)

            So if you don’t like what is being implied in the satire (and the satire is true to reality, which this one is), then your problem is not with the “joke” made by Fr. Longnecker, but with reality itself. Join the club.

          • Nathaniel

            And what absurdity is being lampooned here? That gay people can marry? How is bringing up goats in such a context not comparing gay relationships to bestiality?

            Do you really see no difference between two men/women having sex and a human having sex with a goat? Is that supposed to be funny?

  • Paul Rodden

    Needless to say, Ralph McInerny was prophetic about this…
    http://www.thecatholicthing.org/columns/2008/animal-husbandry.html

  • Julie

    “Nick Satyr with his goat Gruff!!! ” LOL. That made me laugh out loud. You and your personas. I do wish you were my parish priest.

  • Kristine Franklin
  • Matthew

    Scary to say but for once I think Duane Mandible may be on the right track.

  • Robb

    Padre.
    You really do satire well.

  • Peadar Ban

    Do you know the joke about the fellow who wanders into the bar in some little town way out West during the gold rush and asks, “Where are all the women?” The bartender answers, “There ain’t none. But there’s a fine herd of sheep out yonder on the hill.” There’s a couple of more lines to the story…”R” not triple x…but I’ll stop there.

  • Ray S

    This whole subject puts me on the horns of a dilemma. I’ll wait for a statement from PETA.

  • Paul Rodden

    Of course, this is the next step…
    http://www.catholic.org/ae/movies/review.php?id=47601

    I always find it funny when atheists go on about the Bible being ‘full of myths and legends’.
    The image it conjures up is that of someone looking at the ground with their fingers in their ears, singling, “la, la, la…I’m not listening…”

  • Paul Rodden

    Fool me for just skim reading the article and not following the link, nor paying attention to the detail but the gist – so I fell for it.
    Yet more worrying that I should accept it as fact, didn’t see it beyond the bounds of possibility and to be expected… The Onion frequently reports reality better than The Huffington Post, after all.

    Big note to self!

    • Matt R

      I think Chesterton would appreciate your point about the Onion and the HuffPost.

  • Joe O’Leary

    This sort of satire, now directed against samesex marriage, could equally be directed against interracial marriage. The last refuge of those bereft of rational argument.


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