Duane Mandible on Vampires

Guest blogger, Duane Mandible is a contributing editor to The Truth Hurts, a bi-monthly journal of politics, economics and opinion. He also contributes regularly to Freedom Monthly; Illuminations and The Sojourner. Duane is the author of Guns and Knives will Save Your Children’s Lives. He is Vice President of the Sacred Society of St Philibustre, and enjoys hunting rattlesnakes, square dancing and watching re runs of comedy classics. He is unmarried.

I notice from the pages of London’s Daily Telegraph Newspaper that the heir to the British throne, Prince Charles is related to the traditionalist Catholic Vlad the Impaler otherwise known as “Count Dracula”. A quick look at the photographs of Charles, Prince of Whales and his ancestor will reveal a striking resemblance. The same prominent nose and strong features are there. The same dark eyes and determined expression. Both have prominent ears although they are hidden in the painting of Vlad the Impala.

Historians of the traditionalist movement in Catholicism will be aware (as I am) that Vlad the “Impaler” was a much maligned figure who was persecuted for his conservative views. His reputation as a bloodthirsty tyrant continues today, but a real examination of the facts of the case will show that he was simply a strong leader who defended his country and his faith with resilience, strength and fortitude. In fact the “Count Dracula” of Hollywood fame has nothing to do with the historical Vlad Draculesti. The horror film Count is a ludicrous and horrific figure who was nothing like the historic family man and devout Catholic. Historians know   Vlad defended the Bulgarians from the encroachment of the Islamic Ottoman Empire and so was a staunch defender of the Catholic religion in Bulgaria. Thus he shares with his British descendent the title “Defender of the Faith”.

It is said that Vlad impaled some of his enemies, but recent research shows that this is totally false. His name “the Impaler” is a misunderstanding of his scholarly interest in the African Impala. He had several Impala skins in his castle and when he was once wrapped in one for warmth a family member made the humorous observation that he was “Vlad the Impala” and the name stuck.

The reason the story became popular is due to a historic co incidence. It  is true that the Turks practiced this form of discipline, and we can assume that the name may have been assigned to Vlad by his enemies. Besides, the numbers of those he impaled has been greatly exaggerated. We believe now it was certainly no more than forty thousand.

Most important for the historical record is that Vlad was one of the Catholic princes in the Middle Ages who was most effective in propagating and  promoting the almost defunct Ambrosianic Rite (non Collegian) still used today in the Modern English translation by Dr Jonathan Cleese M.D. Research is still being carried out in the Romanian Orthodox Church’s secret archives concerning Vlad’s support for the be-ribboned maniple and I will be presenting a paper on this exciting news at next year’s International Colloquium of the Sacred Society of St Philibustre to be held in Stoke on Trent, England, UK. Professor Benjamin Hill will be presenting a paper on the connection with Moldavia and the Ablution Rites of the Seventh Reform. Distinguished guests will be Prince Tep Schtuc, the claimant to the Moldavian throne (an avid sedevacantist of the first degree) in addition Charles Prince of Whales and Lady Camelia Barker Bowels have been invited as has His Holiness Pope Linus and Mr Mortimer Ruskind.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank Fr Longenecker for posting my ramblings from time to time on his most excellent online journal. I know that Fr Longenecker has every sympathy with the aims of the Sacred Society of St Philibustre. Despite the fact that he has published film reviews by that liberal and schismatic “bishop” Richard Williamson, I believe he has done so in jest. Known to don the be-ribboned maniple himself from time to time, Fr Longenecker has always shown an avid interest in our church, and he has let it be known that he is considering joining himself. Should we gain such an illustrious priest I am sure we could guarantee him the role of Archbishop of the Southern Marches within a few months of his re-baptism.

In the meantime, I would encourage all readers of his electronic journal to give generously to the cause by clicking on the ‘Donate’ button in his right  sidebar. Any donations will be used to further the cause and a special fund is being set up to enable Fr Longenecker to attend the Colloquium in England next year to present a paper on the Liturgical Adornment to the Ceremony for the Blessing of Alehouses in the Lancashire Joins 1284-1323.

  • http://www.StLouisAcupuncture.com Dr. Eric

    Prince Tep Schtuc? I couldn’t figure that one out.

    • Fr. Dwight Longenecker

      Just a weird Romanian name.

  • http://uzima.blogspot.com Ben Kobus

    Dwight, funny typos appearing a lot. Has your keyboard got an intermittent P (I’m not talking prostate problems [English joke]), or did you mean to write “the emailer” – another especially cruel form of torture?

    See excerpt: “It is said that Vlad impaled some of his enemies, but recent research shows that this is totally false. His name “the Imaler” is a misunderstanding of his scholarly interest in the African Impala. He had several Imala skins in his castle and when he was once wrapped in one for warmth a family member made the humorous observation that he was “Vlad the Impala” and the name stuck. ”

    • Fr. Dwight Longenecker

      I’m firing the proofreader.

      • Tschwetschgngrampus

        As long as you don’t impale him …

  • flyingvic

    If you really have worn the be-ribboned maniple, Father, even if on only a few occasions, I may be obliged to reconsider my opinion of you.

    • Fr. Dwight Longenecker

      I have never done so. Duane is having one of his usual flights of fancy…

      • flyingvic

        Of course, you would say that, wouldn’t you!

      • mike cliffson

        Silence betokens consent, Fr , You have only denied wearing THE beribboned maniple after flying Vic commented. You have NOT denied wearing A berribboned maniple.
        Who should I believe, Douane or my lying eyes?

        • Fr. Dwight Longenecker

          I must remain diplomatically silent on my own commitment or not to the be-ribboned maniple


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