Guest blogger Mantilla Amontillado is the founder of Veritas Vestments. She holds a degree in Ecclesiastical Haberdashery from Salamanca University. She has done the pilgrimage to Santiago de Compostella three times on horseback and is engaged to the famous matador, Senor Augusto Torquemada.
Listen hon, you never going to believe this, but my friends in USA tell me that they have these women over there who say they are being ordained in the Catholic church. Then they send me a picture of this women. Madre de Dios!! What is that they are wearing? This look like some kind of cross between a fashion show and a circus.
Then they tell me this happen in Kentucky. I don’t know nothing about Kentucky except for fried chicken which is pretty good if you’re hungry, but maybe I am thinking these women are working in KFC and this is the new uniforms they are showing off.
Really hon. I am wondering if the whole world gone crazy or maybe just the people in Kentucky. Let me tell you something. You can tell heretics by the clothes they are wearing. I not joking hon. This is something Mantilla is thinking about for a long time. Reme
mber I am doing my doctor degree in Ecclesiastical Haberdashery at Salamanca University. I am thinking about this you know? And when I ask Monsignor Quixote he tell me I am on the right track. I am thinking, whenever you see someone wearing vestments like that you know they are showing off, and showing off is always a sign of heresy. Heretics show off because they think they are so smart. They are always thinking they know better than Mother Church–you know what I mean hon?
Let me tell you something. Maybe you are going to the summer ball at the palace okay hon? The King send you an invitation and say you have to wear a formal gown and the men have to wear a tie and tail coat. It’s tradition. So everybody who has taste and understand tradition. What do they do? The women wear a gown and the men wear a tail coat. No problem.
So what do everybody think when maybe the man come in a tail coat but he is wearing a cowboy hat with it or maybe crazy purple shoes? Eh? They think he is crazy–crazy as his outfit. He showing off so he is a heretic. So what if the woman come in a tail coat and the man in a formal gown? They are even worse. They think they are being funny, but they are being rude. All heretics think they are smart but they are really rude. This is bad manners and it is offensive to the king who was kind enough to invite you to the palace to start with. It is also offensive to all the people who take the trouble to get a nice gown and tailcoat and do things right. You know what I mean hon?
OK hon, so what is heresy? Heresy is not all wrong. It’s half right. That’s the problem. You can tell by this picture hon. This women don’t even know how to dress like a Catholic priest. That’s how you can tell they are not Catholic priest. OK hon. I hear what you say. They not dressed much different from many Catholic priests you know. OK, I know what you mean, and I have seen some man priests who look like that women in the center and I can tell you Augusto don’t like them much. But I tell you what hon. I sticking to my guns. You see a man Catholic priest dressed like this? He a heretic too, and even if he don’t know he’s a heretic he is one. Mantilla is not going to give up on this one.
The reason they are heretic when the dress badly is because they are saying it don’t matter. This is Protestant hon. They are always saying the vestments don’t matter, buildings don’t matter, music don’t matter, physical things don’t matter. Let me tell you something. This is heresy. What you wear does matter. You wear what you believe. What you wear says who you are and what you believe hon. Don’t you forget it. You wear trash you say to the world, “I am trash.” You wear something classy you say to the world, “I am classy.” You are a priest and you wear a cheap polyester poncho you say to the world, “I am a cheap polyester priest”. You are a priest and you dress sloppy you say to the world, “I don’t care. I am sloppy priest. My faith is sloppy.” You are a priest and you wear grubby old clothes and have BO you say to the world, “Priests are grubby old men who smell bad” and this say to the world, “The Catholic faith is grubby and smells bad.”
So what do I think of these women who say they are Catholic priests? I say this women are as crazy and bogus as those clothes they are wearing. They probably make those heretic vestments from an old tablecloth and like their vestments are home made and heretic, so is their heretic ordination.
Pah. If they want to be women priests and wear vestments that look like clown clothes they should join the Episcopalians.