Todd Unctuous on the LCWR

Todd Unctuous

Guest blogger Todd Unctuous is top commentator for MSM. With a degree in Media Studies from Scranton Community College, Todd writes for many papers and websites, and is known for his incisive writing, objective reporting and razor sharp comment.

One year ago I wrote in this column that I was surprised and delighted at the choice of the Roman Catholic Church in their new pope.

In choosing a pope with the name Francis they were honoring one of  the world’s greatest singers and humanitarian Catholics, Frank (Francis) Sinatra. In his first year Pope Francis stunned the world. With his winning smile, his love of kissing ugly people and his desire to ride in simpler cars he won the hearts of the world. By sleeping on a bunk bed and living in a simple youth hostel in Rome, Pope Francis set the tone for a new kind of Catholic Church. When he told homosexuals that he did not judge them he opened up the church to the modern world. When he smiled from the cover of Time magazine it was a smile that said to the world, “Abortion, contraception, divorce and re-marriage? Don’t worry. Be happy.”

It was as if he was singing with his name sake, “I did it my Way!”

We should have known better.

It was no more than “a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down.”

My Catholic friends at the National Catholic Reporter tell me that it was all window dressing. It seems that Pope Francis is not going to stand up for the courageous nuns who set the same kind of example that he does by riding the bus. I am not a Catholic myself, but I am told that the Inquisition is going strong in the Vatican just as in the days of old, but that they have changed the name and it is now called “The Office”. This is clearly an attempt to put a smart, up to date face on an old institution by re-naming it after a popular television program.

I am told that we should not be taken in by this public relations exercise. We all remember when “The Office” was headed by God’s Rotweiller–the Enforcer James Ratzinger who stepped into the red shoes of the papacy and took the named Benedict XVI. Now that same office is headed by another German theologian named Gerhard (The Mule) Muller. Known for his stubborn adherence to medieval superstition, this anti-woman German priest has been stifling the opposition and has launched an inquisition against American nuns.

They are asking for dialogue. He is giving them a monologue. “You listen to me!” he says, shaking a finger. “Don’t you know Catholics are supposed to believe the Catholic faith and be loyal to the Catholic Church?”

Why is this man so against women? Is it because he is a secret misogynist? Why is there so much rage against a few old women in double knit pantsuits? Just because they dress like Soviet prison guards is that any reason to go on the attack?

What is shocking to hear is that Pope Francis seems to support Cardinal Muller. It is shocking to learn that Pope Francis, for all his smiles and kissing the feet of poor people, has a dark side to him. Just like the other popes who have gone before him, he insists that people who work for the church as professionals adhere to the outdated Catholic beliefs. This is totally unreasonable that he should expect people who work for him to be submissive and loyal. Why should these women who work so hard to help the poor and minister to the needy be expected to hold to Catholic beliefs and moral principles simply because they are Catholic nuns? Why should they be expected to follow Catholic beliefs when they have clearly gone beyond such narrow mindedness?

Where is the freedom of conscience and freedom of speech? It is totally unfair for the Pope and his sidekick Cardinal Muller to demand that these sisters promote Catholic doctrine and teaching.

Just because they draw their income from the Catholic Church, receive their retirement plans, health care, employment benefits, housing, utilities, cars, phones, expenses and food from the Catholic Church–is that any reason to infringe upon their freedom of religion, their freedom of speech, their freedom of association and their freedom to pursue life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness just like any other American? No.

I’m for the Catholic sisters! I say #Bring Back Our Girls! The Pope holding these nuns hostage to his own outmoded beliefs is like the Roku Harem who have captured schoolgirls in Uganda and make then wear long hot dresses. The Pope clearly wants the Nuns on the Run to head back to their convents and be good little girls like Sally Field in The Flying Nun and Shirley Andrews in The Sound of Music. We have to say to Pope Francis, “It’s not like that anymore! That was then. This is now!”

Pope Francis needs to live up to his image. Is he the superpope or not? Does he really want to bring reform to the Catholic Church or not? If so, Liberate Our Nuns!

If not, then he might as well bring out the red shoes, the fancy vestments, the heavy security men in dark glasses and the bulletproof limousine again because he’ll be needing it!

I am not myself a religious man, but I respect devoutly religious people like Vice President Joseph P Biden, Shirley Temple (RIP), the singer Madonna and Dr Martin Luther King Jr. We need more Catholics like Dr Nancy Pelosi Jr who is not afraid to be a card carrying Catholic while still accepting the Annual Margaret Sanger Eugenicist Award. There is a free thinking, liberated Catholic woman.

I say put Dr Pelosi in charge. She should be the one leading the reform of the Catholic Women’s Orders because she is a woman and the pope clearly is not. Dr Pelosi and former Secretary of State Dr. Hilary Rodham Martin Luther Clinton would show Pope Francis and Cardinal Muller how things should be done!

Todd Unctuous is forty-two.

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